What You Need to Know About Borderline Personality Disorder - Part ll

Absolutely, supportive, healthy relationships are the key! Negativitiy can be so contagious, as well as positivity & I know I can use all the support I can get cuz Im hopeful now but I know days will come that I will feel there is no help for me & I'll always be this way but that just negative thinking that I know I can learn to deal w/in a rational manner & overcome!!

Its so refreshing knowing Im not alone in this, others know exactly what Im going through...Id love to hear some success stories from ppl who have stuck w/the therapy & seen results. thank you.

I am in a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy group with women who are all diagnosed with borderline except for me--bipolar 1 here, but I fit right in with INTENSE emotional deregulation in that I am extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism to the point that I can construe even neutral remarks from my husband as critical & hurtful.

Most of the women in this group react impulsively to their overwhelming emotions (as I used to do in the past--am now learning new skills in the DBT group) & most of them use cutting themselves as an emotional release.  Most of us have had numerous suicide attempts.  Many of them are young (in their 20's & 30's--I am 54) with wrecked relationships, poor job experiences due to telling the boss off or swearing at co-workers & the inability to hold in their anger or frustration, had jail time, kids taken away, been kicked out of apartments, etc.  Failed relationships--romantic & friends & family--are the norm.

They & I are used to being "controlled" by these overwhelming emotions that we need to dispel by any means available & we usually pick self-destructive, harmful or ones that have negative long-term consequences.  The DBT is a fanatastic treatment (along with individual therapy--& medication in my case) to help learn a new way of coping with life & a new way of thinking & how to calm down these incredibly over-reactive states I get in.  I'm so excited to see the progress I've made so far in about 6 mos.  I'm not being "triggered" as frequently as I was & when I am I can step back & "bring myself down" into a calm, more rational "wise mind."

My therapist says the diagnosis of borderline has even more of a stigma than bipolar (even in the mental health field as people with borderline are characteristically difficult "cases" requiring lots of time & effort & often many crisis calls that the provider has to deal with; in the women's jail where I volunteer there is commonly a huge groan from the staff when a woman with a borderline diagnosis is admitted).  She says that some providers do not make that diagnosis for that reason & that even though I exhibit many of the symptoms of borderline (which are similar to bipolar) bipolar would be the the preferred diagnosis.  I think bipolar is the correct diagnosis for me with my mother having had bipolar, etc., but I think I also have a "touch" of borderline.  To me these different labels are somewhat meaningless anyway.  If a treatment is helping dispel a bothersome symptom, than who cares what the diagnosis is?

HI, Suzanne. Many many thanks for sharing this. I hope others will be encouraged to take DBT after reading this. I definitely agree that borderline carries way more stigma than bipolar. At least with bipolar, you occasionally hear: "Wow! She's smart and talented and personable, must be bipolar."

No way will you ever hear anything positive applied to some branded as borderline. The label seems to be code for "head for the hills - this person is radioactive."

Ironically, if a person owns up to having borderline, others have far less to fear. They are doing everything they can to manage their behavior, and many are very successful at it.

HI, Suzanne. Many many thanks for sharing this. I hope others will be encouraged to take DBT after reading this. I definitely agree that borderline carries way more stigma than bipolar. At least with bipolar, you occasionally hear: "Wow! She's smart and talented and personable, must be bipolar."

No way will you ever hear anything positive applied to some branded as borderline. The label seems to be code for "head for the hills - this person is radioactive."

Ironically, if a person owns up to having borderline, others have far less to fear. They are doing everything they can to manage their behavior, and many are very successful at it.

Hello.

I have been having a lot of difficulty finding a DBT therapist, let alone a group.

Could you please give me advice in finding one?  I looked on the internet, and they appear to be far and few between.

Thanks.

Hi, Deb. please feel free to vent. After 14 years, you have every right.

Thank you John!!!!

I am sorry that you are in misery most of the time. Sound like you've been in hell most of the time for years now. 

May I suggest that you take up exercising or a form of (even if it is something you don't enjoy) because it is beneficial in may ways, it certainly takes your mind someplace else and by golly it WORKS!!!! My form was hiking a mountain --Oh the benefits were many and this particular activity utilized all of my senses. 

Or better yet, find something (hobby) you really enjoy (from the past or something newly discoverd and just do it.)  I realized recently how frail or how powerful the mind can be and it is 'All In The Mind'  and you must find a way to slow down, focus and control it all.  Trace your thoughts. you may be surprised.

I don't mean to minimize your years of confustion and misery cause it is a real problem and yet again it all starts, builds, and ends in the mind.

Be good to yourself and your daughter.     

if the BP diagnosis is correct, from my experience & been told by doctors that most anti depressants dont work on ppl w/BP. have you tried any of the BP meds. Do you believe you are BP or have BPD? I had been diagnosed w/BP 4yrs ago, tried many meds, they all made me feel medicated & numb and when I read about BPD I just knew that I had it & not BP...Im usually fairly stable when not in a committed relationship but soon as I have something to lose I get irrational, insecure, moody & self destructive/impulsive which alot of the symptoms of both are soooo simalar. You know yourself better than anyone, do your research & get a second opinion if nessacary. Ive heard alot of doctors still think BPD is not "real". I was relieved to find out I had BPD and not BP b/c BPD focuses on therapy & coping mechanisms & not so much medicating you. Im 31yrs old & have been playing the medicaiton game since I was 17 when 1st diagnosed w/depression. So Im exstatic to have a lil hope that jus maybe I wont be on med my entire life cuz most seemed to make things worse w/all the side effects I rather just be crazy...at least I felt something even if it was a roller coaster of emotions. Good luck in your jouney & just trust your own instincts about your own feelings...Ive in the past just did what doctors told me to take cuz I thought "hey they're doctors, they should know what they are doing, right?" Not always the case now that I look back on different situations recalling them not even listening to me tell them the meds weren't working....they're answer, "just give it more time"...I want to see progress over time, I know there's no quick fix or magic pill but I finally feel on the right path for once in my life:) Write back soon, would love to hear your doing better & something is working for you!

Hi, Jackee. I think you nailed it. You put in the work. You got the results. Congratulations! In the final analysis, even with all the professional help and personal support in the world, we have to find our own way to recovery. Keep posting. I'm sure you will be a lot of help to others.

Thanks!! I think that it is great that you monitor what is going on on this site.  It gives that extra bit of support many are looking for.  I wrote to Kay Redfield Jamison after I had read her book, An Unquiet Mind, I was floored when I recieved a letter back from her. It's people like you and her that take that extra time and help people to know that they aren't so alone out there.

wonderful.

Your thoughts really encouraged me this morning as I was afraid the day was once again starting out badly.. first thing in the mornings are my hardest time of day to deal with.

I'm glad you found some encouragement in my words.  You encouraged me as well knowing that my words helped you.

I HATE mornings.  I can totally agree that mornings are hard.  If you can't go back to bed for a hour or so, it can be hard to deal with. 

I start off with things as quiet as they can be.  I take some time to center myself.  Freud said that the hardest thing for a person to do is "just be".  Even if you have to close the door or walk away from whatever is going on.  Sit down, breath, deep breaths, hold them for a few seconds.

I had a hard time with mornings because I always ended up rushing around, making things feel hectic, and things just start going haywire. Eliminate some morning stresses, get clothes out, prep your coffee, whatever your routine is.  Plus, just know that it is perfectly OK, to take a few minutes to regain your composuer.  It is normally one thing that sets our days off wrong, but the day doesn't have to stay bad.

Don't let anyone or anything steal your joy, and know that you are too blessed to be stressed!!! Corny yes, but it works!!!

Heah, Jackie.

Just want to let you know something my husband and I heard from a lawyer who is helping us set up a trust for our daughter.

As far as the disability goes through Social Security - do not give up.  He told us that the government almost routinely denies a person the first time around.  Most people assume that their answer is written in stone, and just give up, thus saving the government money.

Try again.

And, again.

When a person has a legitimate diagnosis, she is entitled to disability.

Good luck.

Thanks for the reply.  I've relocated and am currently in the process of trying to get disability.  I've taken your advice and located a lawyer.  I've got Dr. appts and such to go through yet, but I'm bracing for the outcome.  Thanks again, your encouragement is appreciated!!!

Many thanks for the cautionary note, Narelle. Your story emphatically demonstrates why we need to know more than the people who treat us. Misdiagnosis is way too common. Repeated failures on meds are an indication that the diagnosis needs to be revisited, but not without supporting evidence. And when the issues are complex and subtle, the facts need to be very carefully teased out. Sounds like it didn't happen with you. Fortunately, you're smart and willing to take charge. Pity the ones who remain ignorant and are passive.

I can totally relate to where your at.  It is hard.  Dealing with these issues are hard.  It's the dealing with them that leads to being able to get to a place in life where you feel healthy. I spent years in therapy, anger management, recovery, and holed away from the world till I felt I could join it again without imploding.

You're on the right track.  It sounds like you've gotten a good grasp on what is going on with yourself.  It's no so taboo anymore to have a mental illness.  The more of us that open up and put it out there for people to see makes it harder for them to shut us out.  I've found also that if your honest about what is going on with you, it helps those around us to understand more.  It reverts back to educating yourself and those whom are close to you educating themselves as well. 

I've been lucky enough to be with my partner through some of the hardest times of my illness.  It is so nice to be able to just say, "Hey I'm having a bi-polar day".  Eventually it will come to just days. I'm pleased to say that I've gone from having bipolar years, to months, to weeks and finally to the point of just having bad days.

My Mom is bi-polar as well.  At least your getting help.  My Mom never did.  Be proud of yourself, and take it one day at a time.  I've found personally too that going with a smaller practice of Dr.'s helps.  If there isn't a huge client base, then they can spend more time on you.  It's hard to find a Dr. anymore that just doesn't want to throw diagnosis at you and hope for the best.

Keep your chin up, know all is well, and there is light at the end of that long tunnel we look down everyday!!!

I am continuing to enjoy reading this article and it's responses.  I took a DBT course 3 separate times and it really seemed to have helped....but alas I seem to have forgotten some of the positive behaviour patterns that it taught me...maybe I should go back and read my literature...if I can find it.  Yes, that seems to be another problem of mine...forgetting and hording and then losing things!!  Sorry if I sound negative...I don't mean to be!!  Hoping for another "bearable" day!!  Thanks to all for their responses...Jackie for some reason you seem to continue to be of help to me when I read your responses.  Wish I had a "better half" to share with but I have been a single mother and alone for the last 10 years.   I am on disability and it sure gets lonely sometimes, because years ago I was on a very promising career role!!  I miss people and LIFE!!

Hi Deb, I am  starting DBT group for the second time and OMG it has been so helpful in regulating my emotions, that I look forward to learning more to be applied to daily living. Yes, I hear you in the forgetting the positive, losing things and being a bit unorganized....The process of becoming whole is not necessarily an easy one, but the more we learn the better our health and well being will progress....be strong!!!

Thank you so much for your encouraging comments and thoughts! It is so hard to keep positive at times and it is good to know that we are not alone even if we feel that way...

Hi, Babalu. Your post touches on matters of critical concern to all of us. We have a paradox at work, here: On one hand nailing down the correct diagnosis is vital - without it, recovery is a non-starter. On the other, our diagnosis often detracts from other stuff we have going on - without digging deeper, we get stuck in our recovery.

To get to your concerns:

The DSM mandates at least one full-blown manic episode for bipolar I. If you are currently depressed, it will be difficult for you to recall your manic moments. Perhaps that is why your clinicians are holding off - they can't make a call until you're in a better position to look back at your life. By manic, we're talking about pretty frightening behavior, not just dancing on tables. This is the kind of behavior that is likely to have your friends calling 911.

For the time being, it's probably useful to regard yourself as having bipolar "with other stuff going on." We all have "other stuff going on." You seem to be very perceptive at picking up this other stuff. It may rate a full-blown diagnosis. It may not. But clearly, it is significant enough to make a clinical impact and needs to be addressed. The mood stabilizers you are on will also help for "the other stuff." But various talking therapies will help you crack your case, plus your own rigorous self-enquiry.

Your situation may not be a simple case of substituting one diagnosis for another. Most of us have more than one mental illness, what the doctors refer to as "co-morbidities." And keep in mind the "other stuff going on." No doubt, the right doctors will help you with this. But more important - you are the right patient. Be hopeful ...

Babalu, John hit the nail on the head...our other stuff tends to cloud our perceptions and with the right meds clarity can come to you in your self awareness of your illness. It is unfortunate however, that there are the co-existing elements and getting a proper diagnosis may seem to take a long time. Keep up your self inquiry, and try not to let others opinions interfere with your progress. You are on the right track.

Hi Babalu,

Just a word of caution for you and others... While being informed is necessary, we have to be careful to not auto-diagnose. When we're not doing well, when we're desperate for answers, it is easy to identify to listed symptoms, whether it is for a physical or psychiatric illness.

I think you are doing the right thing about looking up other possible diagnoses and talking through these with your doctors/therapists. That is a great approach, so long as we are able to remain open to a yes a no or a maybe - no matter how much symptoms seem to be fitting. Truth is, as mentionned so often here, there is rarely a clear-cut answer and that's what so difficult and frustrating about mental illness, diagnosis and medication is mostly trial and error and takes years to acheive.

Keep up the good work

Wow, Jenny! This is a great post. I wish everyone who worked in mental health could read it - it should be required reading. You show great insight and have a great way of expressing it. I encourage you to start up your own sharepost here, if you haven't already, and share your wisdom and insight. A lot of people can really benefit.

I agree with what John just wrote above!!  I am in the process of begging my psychiatrist for different meds Thursday....the last week was like living with hell in my brain the depression and anxiety got so bad.  I have been way more depressed than manic the last 10 years!!!

HI, Anonymous. DBT focuses on helping those with borderline deal with the problems they regularly face every day, in the here and now. Regarding trauma - there are things patients can do RIGHT NOW to help manage their way in a frightening world. There are other therapies for rooting out trauma history issues - but these take time. It's not a case of choosing one over the other. But if you are in psychic pain RIGHT NOW and your life is a mess RIGHT NOW and you are having difficulty coping RIGHT NOW - well, I rest my case.

Footnote. Time magazine very recently did a piece on borderline, which featured Marsha Linehan, who pioneered DBT.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1870491,00.html

hi john

         thanks for your reply. could you be a little more specific in your answer. if the past is not disscussed and worked through before going into DBT why or how could this cause problems.ive tried a few dbt sites but cant find what im looking for, would appreciate any help regards this.

John, I forgot to thank you for telling me about the book you wrote Living Well With Depression and Bipolar Disorder.  I have only gotten it today..and have only read the first few chapters...but so far you are right on.  Thanks, and I hope that others will read it too.