So here you are, Karri, conflicted, caught between two worlds: A present that is very real, one that offers you a lot of happiness and a future that only exists in your own mind.
But life is way more complicated than that. We can get too comfortable in our own present. We tend to stagnate, not grow, which sets the scene for depression and all that comes with it. So we need to be challenged, and out of that we become better people, more fulfilled, perhaps even happier - that's what the future offers.
Any so-called "normal" person is going to feel anxious in your situation, Karri, but anxiety and a mood disorder do not go well together. There are no easy choices, here, but please take heart in the fact your choices are two very good ones.
Please don't make the mistake I made more than 20 years ago. You are in a good place right now. Enjoy that for all it's worth. Don't let your anxiety over the future rip your present happiness away from you. Whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for you. In the meantime, I urge you to do the very thing I failed to do way back in another time and another place: ground yourself in the present.
Sounds so easy, but with our past constantly nipping at our heels and the future always about to crash down the door, we tend to completely disregard the one place where life is actually happening, here, right now. Time to set a new place at the table. Enjoy the peanut butter ...
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