Question of the Week - Your Journey

I am very defensive about my not working and usually tell people that I am bipolar by way of explanation.  This summer a friend told/suggested to me that I stop telling people that I am bipolar, because she says that you can't really tell. Wow! what a compliment! Kathy is the first friend I have had in a long time (I see her only a couple of months out of the year, but the time is very enjoyable), so this comment meant a lot of me.  Later she, a friend of hers, and I went on a bike ride on the Virginia Creeper trail and it turned out that her friend was a Phd who had originally been a psychiatric nurse.  Although through the conversation she picked up that I had "issues" like a lot of people, I realized it would be a crashing bore to tell her I was bipolar- so for once I didn't tell. Too often I tell as if it was my excuse/defining characteristic.

As a woman I have also found it is not a good idea necessarily to tell a casual male acquaintance - some of these jerks are aware of the possibility of hypersexuality problems and are looking for an opening, so to speak.

Although bipolar has had a major effect on my life, and I definitely still need care, I find that my current blueprint for managing my illness is "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" which is a best seller from the 1990's meant for a general audience.

I could go on - and on- but I'll end there.

Education brings understanding and understanding brings acceptance. Weather it's a mental illness like bipolar, an autoimmune illness like arthritis, or a physical condition like diabetes, first you have to learn all you can about it before you can get your arms around it and deal with it.

That being said, I want to tell you that I think I am a success story.

Three years ago, just after I graduated from high school, I tried to kill myself. It would be the first of several suicide attempts that summer of 2007. My Mom was the only person who stood by me, supportive and nonjudgmental. She was there by my side through all the emergency room visits and the crisis center.  On a hot July afternoon in New Jersey, there I was, 17 years old, handcuffed to a hospital bed with my Mom holding my hand.

My Mom was the one who made all the arrangements to get me into an intensive 8-week program for teens in crisis.  I couldn't drive so she drove me and picked me up every day. It was during those car rides, when I was her captive audience, that we would talk and talk.

She was the one who began the learning processing into BP from the very moment when I was first diagnoses and she hasn't stopped. Sometimes she drives me crazy coming into my room to say things like, "Hey, it says here in this book that seasonal changes can affect people with BP. Please ask the pdoc about it on your next visit."

She sends me in to the doctor with a list of questions.

She says, "You know, one day when you have kids ....."

She makes me feel excited about my future. She tells me all the time, "there is light at the end of the tunnel and it's probably not a freight train coming to run you over."

My Mom has turned me ifrom a person who knew nothing about bipolar or mental illness into someone who now knows themself inside and out.  While I have struggled all my life with severe mood swings, my journey with bipolar has not been long, but it has led me to a place that few have experienced by age 20.  

I want to learn and want to talk about my experiences and I want to contiue my journey.  Because of my Mom, I know nothing is impossible She is amazing and she is the reason I am alive today!

Thank you for allowing me to share!

Rosebud

Relief and recovery entail a change of thinking. For the last 20 years, I've been in the grasp of a psychotic mood disorder: my mind was like Grand Central Station during rush-hour. Fortunately I was in a research job in science which required little interaction with others. I could easily withdraw without anyone really noticing. When my mood and mind were raging, I could hide in my cubicle seeming to work, but not. I was a frequent practitioner of presenteeism. Somehow I got enough done to keep my job and modestly advance. But overall I must admit that my career has suffered; I could have been in a better position if my illness hadn't limited my time and my accomplishments. But that is water under the bridge.

About two years ago, my doctor and I stumbled on the right medication after a 15 year search. (For those who are still struggling, keep trying. Keep clear records what hasn't or has partially worked. Hopefully something will do the job.) Slowly things have turned around. The moods have leveled off and the Voice and mind have calmed. Instead of Grand Central, my mind is like standing in a wheat field in the middle of Nebraska. I still at times expect intrusive thoughts, mood, or Voice to make their presence felt, but, even when under tremendous stress, they don't pop up. All the mental tricks I had used to lessen their impact continue to kick in, but I find more and more that I don't need them. How I approach problems in my life or in work has changed from the defensive posture I used to take to just taking them in stride. I now have the time to just enjoy the quiet and meditate about nothing, something that was impossible before. Recovery for me is about thinking anew and clearly, and rebuilding my life from this time on. For once, I see I have a future.

Hi

I dont think many people will care about this but i left lost my job due to telling and allowing people friends into my life too close into my life. Sometimes it is best to keep it to yourself seriously.

what has driven me and made me proud t be bipolar is that i am very giften in helping poeple i no wownmy own web site and sponsor mcmanny there he has great stories soon i wish and will have my own i have been stable for 4 years and heres to another.

i stretd my bipolar web site 2 years ago and now published and web hosted my own with technicians have about 140 memebrs very small close at heart quiet group but we are growing and so am i by helping others through their day to day comping mechanisms.

janice roga  www.bipolar4lifesupport.net