Question of the Week - How Important Are Your Meds?

I have a long history with mental illness--some 30 years. At first, when they put me on Stelazine, I was a walking zombie, and I had two breakdowns in two years. Haldol and Lithium weren't much better, and I was misdiagnosed as schizoaffective. When I was placed on Risperdal, I was able to lead a normal, high functioning life, and I did not get sick for 12 years. Recently, my husband has terminal cancer, and I've had to assume all the responsibilities of managing his life and mine, and I'm doing just fine, thanks to, believe it or not, Thorazine, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Effexor and Depakote. My meds are the most important thing I do to maintain my high functioning lifestyle. I have a doctor friend who is convinced that all psych drugs are addictive, and we don't need them, but he is full of it! They have saved my life, and I would be lost without them. I've been able to edit my husband's books, and function normally. A funny thing, though, my body chemistry has changed...where Risperdal was once my wonder drug, now it's the oldie but goodie Thorazine,the drug I had maligned before, which is outlawed in all states but Florida. I've been very blessed to have a series of wonderful doctors, though I suffered with a couple of real bad ones...the good ones also make all the difference. I've had a real loving and supportive husband, who is everything to me!!!!!! I don't know what I will do if he dies anytime soon. That's one reason why I'm trying to forge ahead on this site and garner some support. Thank you. SweetLynnie

I may have only been properly diagnosed about 3 years ago, and taken every SSRI known for depression known to man before that only to find out I tend to exibit more mania than depression...hmm, I wonder why they never worked...but if it wasn't for the ones I'm on now (after the usual barrage of stabilizers) I would most definitely have drugged myself to death or the street, insead of just rehab.  I now know that without my brain functioning properly the craving to self medicate is utterly overwhelming, even now I need to talk myself down from time to time, but only from a glass of wine and not from a gram of cocaine.  My mania would build the point of self destructiveness that the thoughts of driving my vehicle off the road or God knows what else, at the peak of it was a frenzied broken record, not to mention the obsessive behaviors, fits, and stubborn resistance to reason. With this going on (of course this is minor detail) over and over since childhood with only small breaks of noramality, for me to even play with the idea that a break from medication would be good, even replaced with therapy (of which I've had a lot) redefines insane behavior, I would loose everything I am so lucky to still have.  But I won't say I havn't thought about it a few times.

First thought it was just a mood disorder with a lot of suicidal thinking and planning, but slowly realized there was psychosis in the mix for the last 20 years. That's lack of insight for you. There is not enough room in this comment box to go through all the meds that were tried over a 15 year period. There was also an attempt at psychotherapy, but that was not successful and was potentially damaging. In a last ditch effort, I tried an antipsychotic (the "evil" Zyprexa). It changed everything: my mind is clear (delusions and the Voice went quiet); my moods are normal (healthy reactions to life events); my stress is under control (no more panic caused by the psychosis). Zyprexa has been good to me: I have only gained about 5 lbs in the 2 years I've been on it, which is great considering the colossal amount of weight some people have experienced with it. Recurrent bouts of psychosis have taken a toll on cognition, though. Adderall has allowed me to regain a large part of it: I can read with ease instead of considerable difficulty. I have taken a break from the Adderall on occassion, but I didn't like how fuzzy the cognition was. The before and after with medication is far too great that at this point, I can't contemplate being without it.

Dear John,

 

I was forced to give up my medication because I have a very delicate stomach and suffer from severe reflux. For this reason, I have had to learn to cope without it. But there was a time when medication saved my life. As I became older and studied more and more I was able to develop some mindfulness. It is not easy to cope with Bipolar I, without medication but, to this day, apart from upsetting some people occasionally, from suffering from delusions of grandeur, and from being an arrogant Italian man some of the times (not always), and from being a grumpy artist and musician, I do pretty good.

 

I guess that how society is prepared to put up with our symptoms (provided that we are not violent and don't commit crimes) has a lot to do with how much medication we need to take. If STIGMA is reduced than society is prepared to put up with some of the symptoms and to help people.But STIGMA is always present in many shapes or form. Even for people on medication there are problems.

 

To give you an example I write on many websties for Depression and Bipolar. Some websites have very strict regulation. For example, from memory, one web site did not tolerate capital letters and double spacing seeing this as offencive to others. What the management on these sites don't know, and I was told by sufferers, is that because many anti Depressants and anti psychotic drugs affect vision, when sufferers attempt to reduce the medication their vision can be further affected.  Some sufferers need to write in capital letters and sometime use double spacing so that they know what they are writing.SOme people find it very difficult to write and to say that capital letters and double spaces are not adequate is to say to them please do not write here. So many people do not write here. This thing about writing posts or comments in capital letters and double spacing is something common on many websites for Depression.

 

I guess that what I am saying is that regulations and rules are well and good but these need to be defined and exceptions to the rules need to be made so that people who for example are experinging problems receive a helping hand.

 

I , for example, tend to get manic at times of the year. Because of this and because my body reject medication I depend on the heart of others to put up with me during times of mania or deep depression. I find that, while this site and many sites of Health Central are wonderful in many ways more needs to be done to help people like me during times of severe symptoms. I understand that this is not a site where people can receive therapy. Understanding, forgiveness and support, however, is necessary.

 

 

For example, I tend to offend some people when manic and I can say the wrong thing. Why not have someone from this site get in touch with me and say: listen johnny we don't think that your writings are appropriate and we rather you did not go down that path. To which I would prbaly reply yes I am sorry I will try to change that. What I am saying is that if we cannot find some support and understanding here when we need it the most, when symptoms are showing and are causing trouble, then this site may be more suited to normal people than to people who suffer from Bipolar. It is not ewasy. I understand that this site is good and that dealing with bipolar ios not easy.

 

To conclude when we are able to get rid of severe problems like financial problems, marital or family problems, when we are able to have some enjoyment and our life is pretty much stable then it is easy to reduce medication. Of course mindfulness is necessary and knowledge is life. What is the use to increase medication when we have problems at home. If we have an alcoholic partner who is giving us hell at home no medication in the world will work. Similarly when life is stable with less problems and more fun we can then reduce medication easily. Medication is not a substitute for a good and clean life. Unfortunately it is because our life is so chaotic and messed up that we need to rely on medication.

 

For many Bipolars here a mixture of medication (in moderation) and a good stable life is the answer and what to aim at.

 

But what is the good life? Peace at home which means no arguments in the family. If we find people who are prejudiced against us it is often a good idea to cut all communications with these people because, let's face it, nothing good can come out of a relationship or friendship with someone who is prejudiced against our mental disorder. And, in addition to this peace in the family or at home is to be happy with less. Happiness is not how much money we have or how many possessions. Even a poor person can be happy. If we are happy to enjoy the sunshine, the rain, the simple life than yes we can be poor and extremely happy. This is what Buddhism teaches.

 

Well I better stop here now. I conclude by saying that I am not against medication if it is taken sensibly. Many of us Bipolar may well rely on medication to cope. But medication is not the answer to everything. If we achieve a better life with less stress and more enjoyment then we will find it easy to reduce our medication.

 

I am writing back here under my second name, John (many people call me Johnny but my real name is Alfredo) , because I had left and was nearly banned from the site for having upset many people. Well if the site wants to have me back and give me another chance I will try to follow the rules. If I stay I hope that the management can try to help me during difficult periods which usually last two or three months each year. However, I am getting better at copying as time goes by. I am doing this because many people have asked me to come back. The last one was knowthyself who urged me to take criticism in a positive manner.

 

Naturally this reply may be a bit all over the place but I am writing quite quickly because I do a million things each day including emailing hundreds of people. By the way I am in the process of writing a book titled Mental Anguish which a nice person (Judy) who suffer from Depression and who is an expert writier from Depression Connect is editing for me. It is interesting reading and I will make sure to post parts of it if I am able to post here.

 

 

Thank you for reading

 

 

Alfredo

 

My meds are vital to me no matter how much work I have done on myself internally.

These last 3 years my old companions, depression and anxiety, never left me. Contemplating suicide and crying with little things became "normal ", and the emotional pain was excruciating, that's when I decided to reach out for help. I tried to stop taking one of my meds and after 2 weeks I was in hell again. So yes, I need my meds no matter how much therapy I do, I need them to keep me in balance and functional, or I won't even be able to go out of the house or talk to people. My brain needs these meds to work well; I need this quality of life that allows me to live longer and well. I'm stable now and although I can be a little irritable some times, it's easier to control it now.

Have been on meds since I was wee little.  Anti-psychotics and anti-depressants (imagine, a 12 year old given a anti-psychotic cause she presented with a constant nauseated stomach and depressive symptoms but go figure.  By the way, I developed convulsions and seizures on the med & had to be taken off in the ER).  Anywhoose....

 

Found out, over 30 some years... can't do anti-depressants cause they don't do me.  They simply do everything or nothing but what they are supposed to do.  I have not tried any of the newer SNRI's however but... given my high med sensitivity... eh?

 

I've had many many adverse reactions, allergic reactions, tardive dyskinesia, serontonin syndrome... on so utter many meds over the years.  Even the OTC stuff, I now have a hard time taking.  Everything is very low and painfully slow when it comes to meds and in that it is very low and painfully slow... it just lingers and lingers and lingers without ever really doing anything markedly different in improvement.

 

I've done the heavy mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics, left me dazed and drooling.  I've done the Lithium, left me 20 lbs overweight, sluggish, lethargic, and went toxic with a low blood serum level of all friggin things.

 

So... I have 1 drug.  Just 1 drug.  1 very expensive drug for me supposed Seizures that the Neuro believes it's cause I've become too crazy and am manifesting THOUGH admits he has no evidence of such but has evidence of brain scans showing abnormalities consistent with seizure activity.... see, I'm a nutter on the medical reports. 

Pdoc thinks me seizures are seizures and not psychosomatic, by the way.  The 2 of them, the MDs, they differ with each other.  Thought I'd mention that before someone insinuated I've lost touch with my reality.

 

YET, cause this 1 drug also doubles in the Bipolar realm as a mood stabilizer... it is trying it's best to do 2 things at once.  It too is very low and painfully slow.

 

I take some Fish Oil the Pdoc suggested and that helps some, I'd like to think it does anyway.  I also have a trusty old prescription for a PRN, also low and slow and I only use it when absolutely nothing else will help (meds do not do me well).

 

Overall, Looking back over me life of many many years... I've had years and years on meds and I've had years and years off meds.  I see very little to no difference.  I struggle and suffer with the debilitating effects and affects of my mental illness.  Yet, I keep getting up when my mind shouts lay down and die, and I keep stepping forward though more and more stumbling and falling face down.  Still, I get back up.

 

Nearly 25 years of therapy has helped me considerably, both CBT and as of last winter - DBT (not borderline but DBT helps those with Bipolar as well).  Not having the continued stress of an abusive marriage any longer has helped considerably as well.  Learning what triggers and what stresses and how to avoid or manage, has helped exponentially (?spelling).

 

Sometimes, I do envy those who have success with meds.  Sometimes...

 

It's very refreshing to see your comments. Meds-bashing, Pharma-bashing, and psychiatry-bashing are very popular these days, a lot of it in the name of recovery but a most of it just plain ignorant. Many of us are made to feel that if we somehow refuse to get off our meds on get on various lifestyle routines (such as sleep managment) and take up mindfulness that there is something wrong with us.

 

I'm a big proponent of smart lifestyle and mindfulness and all the rest. But none of that works until we have achieved some basic level of stability, and nearly all of us need meds to first get to that state. Many of us also need to stay on meds to maintain that stability.

 

So ... I'm very glad to see all of you standing up for yourselves and fighting back. What people forget - this isn't about pro-or-antipsychiatry. It is about pro-you. What works for you. And you are coming in loud and clear. I was going to write a sharepost today about something else. But you've given me something to else to write about. Thank you, all, so much and stay tuned ...

Reading everyone’s has been very interesting for me. For years I had been on anti-depressants but finally got a correct BP-2 diagnosis three years ago, and it really IS a correct diagnosis. I have had four long depressions in my life and have lots of little rapid cycling that is sort of my “normal” creative way of life. I’ve been through what seems to me to be a lot of meds since diagnosis but apparently I pale in comparison to the experience of the other readers! I was rather skeptical of my meds-care this past winter -- a lot of lethargy and was medicated to the point I was a chemical muddle by this past spring. It was as if I could not get my doc to “hear” what I was trying to express…and after a point I began backing off trying to explain what I felt like for fear I would be seen as complaining. Oddly enough, I never hesitate to vigorously question/challenge other “non-mental illness” doctors. Sooooo… I got up the courage to change psychiatrists and now we are cautiously “starting over” with augmentations as needed to my core Lamictal. She seems more organized than my other psychiatrists were -- computerized and cross-referencing and tracking what is or isn’t working. She sits up close, looks me in the eye, listens, and use technology to log in my comments and make her decisions and then asks even more questions. So far I really feel like I am on the right track. Antidotal: Once in the first year I said “Well screw this these aren’t’ helping” and chucked my numerous meds within two weeks and went into withdrawal hell. Never gonna do that again! My therapy with a classical analyst has been a bedrock. I just need to discipline myself more on sleep, mindfulness, etc. I think meds will just be another tool among several to help me manage my moods, which I will probably always be learning to do, more and more expertly. Doesn’t everyone? Shouldn’t everyone?

without them i would be brain damaged!