Question of the Week - Misdiagnosis and Diagnosis

My recent diagnosis by my gen.doc and pdoc both confirmed what they thought to be bipolar, without a doubt.  But I had just moved here and just sought help for some much more troubling things that if they had come up in the past I would never have sought help for, street drugs were the answer or the cause and I knew it. 

In the past I had been 'sort of' diagnosed with depression by various doctors, none of whom I would stick with, either because I was a chronic mover, or I didn't want to deal with more phycho babble about SSRI's that NEVERRRR worked for moi. So, may as well turn to what I know again, ha.  Well this las time, after the bipolar diagnosis almost 4 years ago my pdoc fired me after a long dealio with trying to find a good combo for my crazy head, it had come to a place where as sober as dry bread I was hearing and seeing things, smashing things, bouts of creativity but very wacko, and generally much more unhealthy than I should have been for a sober person.  Progressively so. 

This pdoc did not like me wanting to change my meds, this 'clinical trials' place was not for him... didn't want me for a client any longer, do ya think I can get another pdoc here? Well I did, another 'clinical trials' one, "halleluja!" Well after filling out a ten page exam of confusion...do they want my syptoms now, or when I'm totally nuts? Then the King of our city's pdocs saw me for total of ten minutes or less, asked me pretty much butt all, and voila!!!! Now I'm personality disorder. Wow, what the heck is that? Just when I thougt I had it all figured out.

To make it worse, my husband (back when I was first diagnosed and really sick, we fought a lot) thought that was a great diagnosis cause he read about it and it makes the patient out to be more kind of, sadistic? I don't know what the right word is, just crazy in a controlled way...a way that this doctor proceded to tell me I didn't need ANY meds for, just a group. Hell, if I went off my meds I KNEW someone was gonna die, me or the next person to tell me I'm not bipolar!! (lol)

Long story short (not), my husband in his line of work is now more aware of many mental health conditions, he is director of an addictions center for men.  Apparently that one is one they are all a bit unsure of, as in if it's just linked in with BP, or if it is super easy to misdiagnose the two, whatever the case a ten minute meeting is not gonna do it, and if you can imagine the paranoia and conspiracy theories that ran through my brain. "did my old pdoc set him up to this?" or "did he fish around for info before I even came in here?" or "why doesn't he like me? does he seriously want me off my meds so that I can go back to my miserable self destructive life??" Suffice to say, I am now officially bipolar, at least on my Gen. pract. papers, I hope that counts for something. He most definitely has seen a 180 since lithium and the other 3 I'm on.

Oh yess, I love this life, love it, love it, love it.  And I love having no money and my pills being so GD expensive and not qualifying for anything either, yes we are right on the cusp, too rich to get benifits, too poor to afford anything. Yay. Yay. Yay.

Love it.

For 30 odd years I was mis-diagnosed as Recurring Major Depressive, Psychosis NOS, GAD, and PTSD.  I was treated with all the differing classes of ADs, a few Anti-Psychotics, and once with a Anti-Epileptic of which none worked - or did as they were supposed to - developed severe reactions to - or sent me soaring (the ADs) - which at those times I knew nothing of what it was just that I was extremely "high".

I have a extensive psych history spanning back to the age of 10.  I am now 43 as of last week.  I have been seen by many many different psychiatrists, general practitioners, and even a psychopharmacologist a few times. All diagnosed me as Recurring Major Depressive.

I've had 5 IPs but should have gone many more times but have not or did not.  I've had 3 cases of High Mixed Mania, though not specific mania (High Mania with suicidal depression thrown in for good measure, I have been told).   

I've had several suicide attempts.  I've even gone through 2 severe cases of Post-Partum Depression with one having Psychosis.

In 2006, my last IP, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Mixed.  It was explained in great detail how I had been diagnosed and how my extensive psych history - for which that pdoc took in great detail - fit. 

He took not only my extensive psych history but also pulled a prior hospitalization (I had been there before) record.  He spoke with my co-workers cause I was working as a Administrative person in my local MH center and he found out my Mom had been diagnosed with BP I but was untreated.  He also did a thorough medical workup (blood, urine, X-rays, and EKGs). 

He said that I clearly had Bipolar I features but that I had more severe depressive episodes that lasted longer... I got the Bipolar II Mixed diagnosis.  Since that time, I've been seen by 4 other pdocs and they each have diagnosed me with Bipolar I Mixed, Psychosis NOS (when presenting with symptoms), GAD, and PTSD.

When I was diagnosed, I did not doubt it.  In fact, something within me deep down just clicked.  I knew what I knew is what I knew to be true.  First time in my life that this had happened.  I knew what I knew to be true and accurate... it just clicked something.

And even with that diagnosis, I did not want to except any of it. I had everyone, so I thought convinced there was nothing wrong with me. I would take medicine, here and there but never was dedicated. The only medicine I seemed to be dedicated too, were the ones that alter my reality and felt cured. Even more, I did not have feelings! I think the family became aware when I passed out at the family dinner table on Christmas, in my very own home made mashed potatoes. I do not remember much of that day and probably better off for it. I do remember being on meds, such as prescribed pain medication, muscle relaxers, anti-anxiety medication and what ever else I could get the doctor to write me. My problems only got worse when the doctors could not give me enough or and then I started to drink to compensate. The family exhausted themselves trying to get me help. Bipolar was mentioned since my paternal grandmother had been diagnosed when she reached the age of 40. That disease (my disease) was always treated as a running joke if my grandmother had a particular incident or she stopped taking her meds. So I went years running from the diagnoses, I stayed in denial successfully with alcohol and pills. 

Finally I reached the stage of hallucinations. In six week period, I found myself waking up on the mental ward of one of the local hospitals three times. On the third, ,,y stubborn red headed self, finally open up a pamphlet on bipolar. I came home and took the medicine as directed and my body eventually got used to it and the most important part. I was able to see reason, I was able to see that I've  been struggling with this disease for over 25 years since I had turned 16 years old and I was 40 when I excepted it as something I would have to live with and take care of for the remainder of my life. 

Life is good now. Yes I wish I would of done things differently and things that I am still trying to make up for...I have days feeling like I will never receive the forgivenss that I needed to move forward! But life is GOOD!!

I was misdiagnosed as having GAD at first and put on buspar for a short time and then told I had no "problems" and to just get over my fear and was taken off the Buspar.  I was miserable.  I was moody and teary part of the time and hyped-up and angry the rest of the tiem.  I was finally diagnosed in 1999 but did not find the "right" combo of meds until Jan of '07.  I have been on the same meds since then and I've had no problems since.

Like most with bipolar, I primarily experienced depressions (the hypomanias were brief and didn't seem to be a "problem"). I tried numerous anti-depressants (AD's), but all they did was make me cycle faster, so I was in effect more depressed than before the AD's. Then my doctor had me try Remeron. I cycled very fast and much higher (mania) and much lower (finding myself standing on an overpass over the Henry Hudson Parkway). That was a wake-up call. Since then, my doctor and I tried numerous mood stabilizers and finally, after recognizing the psychotic symptoms which I apparently didn't recognize for a long time as a "problem" that could be resolved, we tried the anti-psychotics. Instead of seretonin being the target of treatment (as most AD's do), targeting dopamine was what finally stopped the recurring depressions and quelled the psychosis and a very noisy mind. I am living better through appropriate chemistry.

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I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16. Shortly thereafter, I attempted suicide. I was prescribed Zoloft when I was in the hospital to treat my depression. After being Zoloft for awhile, it was making me like a bunny rabbit on mass caffeine consumption. It was horrible. SO I went off that and was put on Paxil. My depression worsened, I became even more isolated, my erratic behavior drove away many friends, and I gained 40 pounds.

My depression was getting worse and worse. Then I took on a job in which I was fully committed to working at, loved it, but the hours were exceedingly long, and I became pretty obsessed about it. My mind was always going going going, I was literally living on a pot of black coffee that I made in the AM and drank all day, no lunch, no breakfast, nothing.

I finally quit my job suddenly bc I began getting depressed again and couldn’t even get out of bed some days to go to work.

When I quit, I knew there was something off, that I needed new meds, a new doctor, something!

I went to talk to the new doctor, I started talking, and he just watched me give my background. Then he cocked his head, asked about my family’s mental health history (my grandmother and my aunt on my mother’s side have BP I and my aunt has depression), and asked me “Did anyone ever ask you if you thought you might be bipolar?” I said no, because I felt better sometimes, but that I was usually depressed.

He asked me to describe myself when I am feeling better, and I said I got a lot more done, creative, felt inspired to take classes or create art, etc.

The he gave me check list of bipolar symptoms. I went through it, checked it off, looked back at it, and I had checked off nearly the whole damn thing.

But it made SENSE! I felt like I had a real answer! A week later, after weaning myself from the Paxil, I began taking Lamictal and noticed an immediate change, and so did everyone I know. I lost 30 pounds, my relationships improved; I found a job, etc.

I will ALWAYS have to deal with having BP II, and I am a lot better about monitoring my symptoms and I am so grateful to my doctor to helping me get my life back. I spent 11 years on the wrong meds and destroying my life bc I was misdiagnosed.

I was misdiagnosed with depression. The doctors couldn't decide why antidepressants didn't work. My family mistook happiness for mania. I'm not going to lie; I love the feeling of being manic. It's better than any drug. But now that I'm on lithium and other perscription medications, I don't know who I am. I don't even know if I am the same person in my head. All I can say is that BIPOLAR SUCKS!!!!!!!

This sounds so very much like what my ex wife, first her diagnosis was pmdd, then mild depression.  She never has seen an actual psychiatrist or been officially evaluated.  She has seen a counselor for about 10+ years, and all that woman has done has put her on one med after another.  Prozac, being the only one she has been kept on, lamictal, abilify, and now pristique.  Its only been in the last few months that my ex's counselor has suggested she might be bipolar, but she has been on the fence about it even insisting that my ex just has a mood disorder.  But her bouncing from one med to another has only made her cycle faster too, and has seemed to amplify her mania episodes to the point of her exhibiting almost explosive anger.  Then even her depressed times have gotten deeper and longer, to the point that she drinks more often and has been over indulging in smoking pot as well.  Then she began exhibiting hyper-sexuality to the point that she had more than one affair, which of course lead to my leaving her.  Its my belief that my ex has been misdiagnosed all along and I also believe that she is bipolar, but she refuses to see any other doctor nor does she want to stop seeing her counselor either.  I am afraid it will be years before she gets a proper diagnosis and by then it may be too late for her to have any semblance of a fulfilling life. 

I have always had these swings of where I would have enormous amounts of energy and then devastating lows.  I went to several doctors in an attempt to understand why I overeact to situations, fly off the handle all the time, insomnia, cutting myself, and other horrible things. There were days when I would feel detached, there but not there. I was diagnosed first as a manic depressive. They put me on antidepressants which made me feel worse. It was then I began the cutting ritual of myself. I told the pysch and he took me off of them. I began to feel better until about six weeks later when the detachment began to occur again. I also showed no emotion. I was just there.  I cried over stupid things. I had massive panic attacks. I found a psychologist who was great. She had me fill out a massive questionairre. After reviewing it, she tells me that I have Bipolar I Disorder with underlying OCD, PTSD, and Agoraphobia. She put me on Lithium and Xanax. I took the meds as ordered and was getting better. Getting out more, spending more time with my family, went to work, then, the money ran out. I had a breakdown and lost my job. I have not left my house for any significant amount of time since 2007.  I couldn't afford my meds and the state mental health facility would not honor my psychologist's advice. So I lost my meds abruptly and have since been unable to get out in public because of the panic attacks, I do not sleep, I feel so wired inside like all  my muscles are tense and on edge. My disability claim is in limbo and the bottom is coming up real fast. I just pray that God gets me through this.

Mine is a relatively good luck story with an astute psychiatrist.  I was treated initially for depression for several months, saw an incompetent pdoc once, then was referred to the one who knew what to look for.  I was cycling very fast and my mental state was complicated by PTSD and some personality disorder traits- not to mention acute anxiety.  The depression was still very debilitating.

He recognized that my hypomanias are dysphoric for the most part- agitated and  irritable, with anxious racing confused thoughts that are depressive as well. I applaud him for not having the DSM IV glued to his face and thinking that hypomania has to be euphoric.

So it only took about 6 mths between going to the GP with unbearable depression and being dx'd with BP II and onto the anti-epileptic mood stabilizers. 

My case is complex with these overlapping illnesses and it's hard for me to be objective enough to say that I'm better after 4 yrs of treatment, but my 'team' and folks close to me say that I am.  I'm still working on getting the meds working more effectively and have had another increase of Valproic (Depakote, Epival) just today.

I continue to struggle with the obsessive thoughts that I made it all up and am not really "sick" but just a warped person seeking attention.....Or something.  But my therapist smacks me around for that, and I now have a new pdoc who concurrs with the last one and is another sharp, observant young doctor.

I feel that I'm in good hands, even while fighting with myself about whether I deserve it or not.  I generally feel that I will not get better, ever, but realize that I don't know everything.

When I was 22 my husband urged me to go to a pdoc based on my "irratic behavior" as her described it.  He always called me super mom, until I would closed myself off to the world and get really irritable, weepy and stubborn.  The clinician suggested after the initial evaluation I be fully screened by the Doc for bipolar as I had the classic symptoms.  I told her she was the crazy one and ran out of there as fast as I could.  Of course I was smarter and more reasonable then those fools!

For the next 20 years my doc kept me on a few different anti-depressants and I coped but had many life experiences I wish I never had. I look back and think I wish I would have listened to those docs when I was 22, just think of all the embarrassment I could have saved myself and my family.

Now that I have been diagnosed Bipolar I, PTSD & Anxiety and am on the right meds I lost some of that super mom ability but I am definately more easy to get along with.  I still have a ways to go but I have a good therapist now.

My husband served in the military for 25 years.  So I ended up having to go to the base for mental health services.  For over 10 years I was given anti-depressents, was in and out of the mental ward also.  So I think I was put on one or the other anti-depressents in this time, never getting better.  The pdoc, just figured I wasn't trying hard enough to get better, or wasn't taking the meds to start with.  One day I was so bad, that I walked 8 miles to the base during the summer and demanded to talk to someone different.  But this didn't get me anywhere, just a different. pdoc...this was in 1994, and they didn't really care yet.  During this time my husband was sent out of state for 3 months.  I was put on Elevil....oh my gosh...I gained 100 pounds in 3 months, because I couldn't control my eating.  When my husband and I talked on the phone, I kept telling him I was gaining weight...he kept saying...yah yah, no big deal.  I happened to be on a bowling league, and my husband got home a day early, so he showed up at the bowling alley.  One of our friends went up to him and asked him.....aren't you going up and give her (me) a hug?  He said he would, but he didn't see me.  So she pointed me out, and he couldn't believe it was me.  Well I stopped taking the meds....and it took almost 2 years to drop the weight.  Not long after this we were transferred to a new base.  I finally hit pay dirt, this base contracted with outside pdocs who came to the base hospital.  But by this time I was so sick that I checked into the hospital.  It only took hours to finally be diagnosed as Bipolar, and put on Lithium.  This was in 1995 and life started to finally get better, but it has been a long road to get where I am now. 

Question: Were you misdiagnosed with depression or something else? How long did it take before you finally received the correct diagnosis?

Yes, I was first misdiagnosed with depression and given antidepressants (Paxil was one which made me feel like I was on fire.) which spun me into hypermanic behavior.

It took more than 3 years before I finally received the real diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

Q:  Please feel free to elaborate. Were there clues that your psychiatrist missed completely?

Yes!  The psychiatrist misinterpreted my symptoms as "simply" side effects of the medication.

Q:  Did your psychiatrist fail to listen to you?

Yes.  The doctor (as many are) was a know-it-all and rarely listened to me.  The doctor rarely considered how I felt.  The doctor thought no one could ever know more than this one.  The doctor rarely even considered the possibility of what I was feeling.

Q: What happened that made your psychiatrist finally wise up?

The psychiatrist never "wised up."  But the doctor finally realized the mistake only when I "bounced off the walls" and spun into hyper behavior.

Q:  Finally, once you were diagnosed correctly and given the right meds, did you start feeling better?

Not much. No not really. I do not feel well.  I have an illness which has no cure and which I will have the rest of my life.  There is no cure. It will not change.

I first started seeing a psychiatrist after a suicide attempt.  He was very capable and asked questions about personal history and family history.  I know that he even asked about whether or not I'm had abnormally high highs.  I remember responding, "I guess so," but it I was a very tentative answer.  He suggested that maybe there was some cyclothymic tendencies to my depressive episodes.  I couldn't remember any specific episodes of hypomania and knew that I'd never been manic.  I had refused to take medications all together at that time so there was no question of what to prescribe at that point.  A few months more than a year later, I asked to try medications because I was in a depression I could find no cause of.  I don't know if my doctor considered his earlier hypothesis of cyclothymia or not, but he did perscribe me an anti-depressant.  I responded by becoming hypomanic and then started experiencing some depressive symptoms as well.  I ended up in the hospital overnight after self-medicating my racing negative thoughts with alcohol and ativan.  My psychiatrist increased my antidepressant, but within two months it was obvious that the higher that dosage I took, the more rapidly I cycled.  The diagnosis of bipolar II followed rather quickly and my medications were changed.  18 months isn't very long for the proper diagnosis, especially considering that once meds were finally tried it was took only 3 months.  Additionally, I don't think I would have believed the Bipolar dx until the iatogenic depression and the induction of rapid cycling.

I spent 25 years going to all kinds of doctors tryng to get help. When I fill out new forms that ask What meds have you tried?, I check almost the whole list. I was only diagnosed with depression in all that time. I believe it was because I was diagnosed with it before so instead of trying to find out what I needed, the docs took the previous diagnosis and just agreed with it. My symptoms were classic bi-polar and I continued to ask if I had it. I have lived in a manic state for most of those years, my health paying the price for not sleeping. I would tell them that I was manic and didn't sleep, that I stayed up all night painting or cleaning etc. So then I was diagnosed with insomnia. After 20 years of incompetent, uncaring doctors with god complexes who refused my opinions because I was not a doctor, I started losing my mind, literally. I couldn't remember the simplest things, like the street I had lived on for all that time or how to straigten a crooked picture on the wall. I went to a nuerologist, his diagnosis, Chronic, Long Term Depression! My city is filled with idiots for doctors. I started getting my mind back slowly and at this point in my life I am on disability from health related issues from rarely sleeping. I once went 2 weeks without sleep. I go for awhile and then I crash and can't stay awake for a few days. So now my son has problems. He has major explosive temper tantrums, he steals and lies and has no regrets. He can't keep friends and he's reckless with his safety and others safety, and the list goes on. We began trying to to get him help at 14. He was just being a teenager was all the explanation we got. He would see someone for awhile, settle down, and they would say "He's fine now". We stopped treatment and it would start again. I ALWAYS asked if he could be bi-polar but because he had good grades, they said he couldn't have it. My son became a member of Mensa when he was 16. He is extremely smart. He slept through a lot of his classes in high school, I found out after he graduated. As long as he passed his class, the teachers didn't care. So he went to college, and  he began having problems. He was told that he needed to take a leave of absense to get some help.  He did and FINALLY was diagnosed with bi-polar. I then went to the same doctor and was also diagnosed with it. He was shocked that I had seen so many doctors and not been diagnosed with it before. He tried 2 medications on me and when those didn't work, he said he didn't know what else to do. So Here I am, 48 years old, still unmedicated, still manic, without a doctor and no hope that I will ever get any.

Some 6 yrs back I was & am still going through a major marital problems.I was going through frustration due to this, for which I went to a psychiatrist who hardly heard to my problems & prescribed anti-depressents like Stalizine & Karmedine. I took it for about 3-4 months, which didn't help a bit.Then my husbands friend who is a nurse in a psychiatric hospital got me my meds which were in an open packet, it wasn't in any bottles or in any strips, they were loose pills.I was told that it was the same meds. Unknowingly I took them daily as prescribed. One night I had a convulsion for which I was admitted to a hospital & kept under observation for 3 days.Non of the Dr. could find out why I had a convulsion.I went through many C.T scans & an MRI too. I was put on Tegretol for 2yrs. I never had another convulsion after that.That was the first time I had a convulsion. I went to 4 other Drs non of them could diogonise my real problem of convulsion.Luckly I got out of the trap of this psychitrist. I haven't had any problems after that.

My first dx of depression came at age 22. when my family doc sent me to a pdoc "because this is the third school physical (for college) that you have come to me for and because of your high school history with me in your attempts to lose weight." He was actually angry with me and asked, "What the hell is going on with you?" It was 1972. Though I didn't know it had a name at the time, I had already had my first period of suicidal ideation.

I only sought help when I was depressed -- which was most of the time. I never knew that what I experienced was mania -- even though my older brother had been dx manic dpressed years before. His episodes involved paranoid delusions and I thought that was a requirement.

Then, while still being treated for major depression 5 years ago, I described 3 days in my life. My therapist responded that it was manic behavior (no more than 5 hours sleep total during the 3 days). I did not immediately inform my pdoc. It was two months later, after still not being able to sleep more than 2 hours a day during all that time, that, in desperation, I informed my pdoc. It took about 2 months and unsuccessful treatment with the newer meds until lithium became the only reasonable choice. I took it. It worked. In time, it gave me enough stability that I had enough wits about me to concentrate, to learn all I could about bipolar disorder and to experience more productive therapy sessions. By then I was 55.

I am now only on 2 psych meds, am considered stable, and, when excessive stress hits, I use my self help tools and bump up my sessions with my therapist. About 6 months ago -- for the very first time in my life -- I looked in the mirror and smiled because I really liked the person looking back at me. I've regained hope and interest in the things that used to arouse positive passion in my life. My life is honestly the best it has ever been, thanks to a correct dx and treatment plan.

That is the question I have been asking myself for a long time.  The two, while they can have common traits, should be completely distinguishable to trained medical professionals.  That the sufferer should be put in the roll of judge, jury and executioner of their own diagnosis and resulting medical evaluation and treatment, suggests a pyschiatric system which is at best undereducated and unreliable, and at worst grossly negligent in the care of individulals whose lives are not only put in jeopardy, but literally under attack from a rapid fire of prescription medications which may be completely incompatable with the suffer's disease.

When I was 16, I was diagnosed with depression.  When I was 23, I diagnosed myself with bipolar.  The latter dignosis was verified by the only competent group of psychiatrists I had seen up until that point and solid, reliable care finally became possible.  Unfortunately by that time, my alcoholism and addiction had had time to host a mutany and take over steering the vessel.  Solid, reliable care drifted off into the horizon, and has only become possible again in the last year, as I have begun treating my alcoholism.

At 16, I was prescribed the nuevo-cure for everything - Prozac.  The way it was talked up, it would not only cure my "depression" it would raise me from the dead if I happened to die while taking it.  Like other stories here, once it was in my system, I started cycling much more violently than I had before.  The panic attacks started shortly after.  By two years after starting antidepressants, my mental health was in a complete meltdown (just in time to go off to college). 

Now, my major complaint with this whole debacle is not that I was incorrectly medicated, it is that I was incorrectly medicated because an entire comprehensive mental and physical inventory was never taken.  AKA no one ever TALKED to me about what I was feeling and why I was feeling it.  No one had mined my data for facts and established a clear pattern of my behavior.  The first person who did that was me.  Just before I diagnosed myself with bipolar.  As I was a child when my problems started having consequenses to myself and others, I was unable to put together a vivid picture of my life in a way which I would be able to communicate to others.  This, I'm told, is what a psychiatric professional does.  In my case, they didn't do their job.  Much like getting a bad machanic job, my tranny dropped out on the freeway and my vehicle hit the wall going 75 - a complete loss. 

We certainly wouldn't take our car back to a place that did a shoddy job that put us in danger.  Unfortunately, as a child, or as any other section of the population that cannot otherwise advocate for themselves, we have few options, and in most cases aren't aware of the damage that is being done.  It is hard enough to get outside oneself enough to be aware of the wreckage our lives have become, let alone express to others what is wrong, even as able-minded adults.  On top of that, my experience has shown me that comprehensive, compassionate treatment can be hard to find, even in a decent sized city such as where I live.

Now, by being my own best advocate and doing the heartbreaking legwork of putting my care through a sort of trial and error testing ground until I found the right combination of facility and doctor (to say nothing of the times I've had to change insurance companies for jobs), I finally have a sense of stability.  From beginning to the present, 14 years have elapsed.  It is wonderful to be here, I just wish I could have been here sooner.

I was also diagnosed with intially with plain depression, because I have what's called biopolar 2 - with mostly depressive episodes and a few manic ones.  Obviously, just getting anti-depressants was not good for my bp - The first string of psychiatrists were, I see now in retrospect, incredibly sloppy in my diagnosis.  NOT ONE did an evaluation, asking in detail about my symptoms, history, family history and other vital information! With difficulty, I shopped around for a good p-doc - while doing my own research and even taking myself off heavy psych meds that were inappropriate to me, as I did NOT exhibit psychosis for which it had been prescribed.  At every step here I was not taken seriously as to my input into HOW the medication made me FEEL - and was generally dismissed as an uncooperative patient because I gave them less than positive feedback.  I was also pushed into being classed as an alcoholic - which I thought was inappropriate - I do drink some alcohol - but am not addicted to it! After YEARS I finally found a sympathetic psychiatrist who seem to be covered by every insurance program under the sun, and evn though I have to make a trip to see him on my visits every few months, it is certainly WORTH having a pdoc who is willing to take my feedback on my treatment into consideration - and even encouraging me (as an intelligent and responsible patient) to make slight adjustments in my own meds, according to the state of my mood swing.  I only hope that I will be able to continue on with him for years to come, as the thought of seeking out a similarly congeniable and knowledgeable pdoc is a daunting one.  I also wonder that when I was first hearing voices during a manic episode why NO ONE - including the therapist I was at the time visiting - suggested that I be hospitalized or otherwise treated (even though my insurance coverage offered such options).   Luckily for me it all just went away by itself and no real harm was done - but I do believe that the neglect at that time was criminal.  NOw I have a support system - so there is no danger that that will ever happen again.

I was diagnoised as a maniac depressant for 14 years before they figured out that I was really Bipolar.  I took my grown daughter to figure it out.  She had gone to work for the State of Texas as a trainer for case workers dealing with the handicap and elderly.  She had to attend conferences with experts to gather the info for training.  One weekend when she had me over at her house, she handed me a packett and said "Mom read this".  It was information she had gathered on Bipolar.  When I finished reading it, I looked at her and said "It's me". She said "You're right."  I went to my Dr. with the info and finally got a diagnoise of Bipolar and a mix of meds that worked after 14 years.  Finally I wasn't constantly consumed with suicide and sadness.  My mood is stable now after the diagnoise 4 years ago and my anger is more managed.  My problems now are, like tonight it's 4 in the morning and I'm up instead of sleeping to be ready for work tommorrow.  I find myself running for 3 days with as little as 9 hrs sleep and then I crash and sleep for 15 to 16 hours.  I can't seem to concentrate and focus on work. I've got to get it together soon or I'll really be in trouble. I'm not going on spending sprees that I can't afford to make myself feel better now and I'm not as depressed or feel the worthlessness I had before.  But I need to find some way to get my concentration and focus back.  At least I'm still here, I wouldn't be if I had never sought counseling.

At 9 yars of age my school sent me to a therapist cause I was always on edge and nervous. Nothing came of that. At age 12 my mom started giving me her antidep med to get me to sleep and stop freaking out about everything. Stupid mistake. Mom took me to primary care doc who put me on Ativan and Paxil for deppresive episodes for the next few years. Now comes the drug addiction. Finally at 16 I stop the meds and feel wonderful and spirited. Aggh to be euporic again.

At 17 I graduate HS and am just fine and level. Then at 18 dad dies and down the rabbit hole I go. Intense joy ... cutting... breaking plates, electronics, and car.... catatonic....psychiatrist put me on Zoloft and up up up I go.  Next appt I don't need no stinking meds!!! Then down down down.....do i even exist at that point. Now It Is Wellbutrin and man did I get angry/aggressive. What happened to the good old times. I was diagnosed with MDD. I start abusing pain pills I steal from family to feel peace. Tell my psych and he says no wonder I am not responding to antidep...I am a drug addict.

 Stop therapy and go nuts next three years. Lots of drinking and pills. Arrested. Rehab. Psych ward. New psych. Diagnosed BP I. The next year is a struggle of med coctails and weight gain. Frustration...suicidal ..delusional/hearing voices...psych ward....new psych...Lamictal and a few other meds later I am feeling better. I am 27 now and my journey took over 10 years. I struggle with my past and how turbulent it was. I have BP I, PTSD, and GAD wich I am starting therapy for.. I feel obtuse to my diagnosis and fight the urge to tapper off my meds but wouldn't stop them for anything. Life is hard but I am generally very happy and that feels good.