Misdiagnosis - The Dialogue Continues

Hello JOHN!! BEEN SO LONG!! I haven't been on here for a while due to many sides of the bipolar, although this site has helped me and especially you so often, i just didn't have the gumption or energy or concentration to even post as of late. However, feel I'm pulling out of it, my pdoc is GREAT as is my therapist and they really helped pull me through this very very rough time of mixed moods, hallucinations, delusional thinking, harmful thoughts, and so on and on it goes. ANYWAY I was writing to say that my diagnosis came FIRST from a regular medical doctor who took a lot of patience to encourage me for TWO SOLID YEARS That going to a pdoc was not a "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest" experience anymore. THANK GOODNESS I finally listened to her, things had gotten to the point that i HAD to do something. However, I did NOT accept the first diagnosis that I was Bipolar, I just couldn't get my mind around the fact that I had this disorder. So off i trotted to 4 more Pdocs to be evaluated. EACH AND EVERY TIME, after a BARRAGE OF TESTS AND QUESTIONS AND MOOD CHARTS/etc I was diagnosed CORRECTLY ....Rapid cycling, mixed mood, combined with paranoria, OCD, anxiety disorder, panic attacks, delusional thinking,CHRONIC insomnia (as in about 17 hours of sleep in a WEEK! IF IF IF LUCKY!) suicidal tendencies and so forth it goes (believe me you don't want me to list all that I have WITH this disorder, for there are 10 other "sides" and 12 physical illnesses that I have that play upon it so much too). Anyway, I was very fortunate to be diagnosed correctly RIGHT OFF< don't know how I couldn't have been really for I was VERY OBVIOUSLY INTENSLY Manic, then would actually cycle so quickly once i was in the process of evaluation and went right into a depressed state i felt coming but couldn't stop....like trying to stop a freight train with my 104 lb body! BUT it was a good thing now i see for it helped the doc to recognize the rapid cycling and mixed mood, not just that i was bipolar.... I guess I just wanted to chime in and say that some pdocs are on top of it, some of them DO seem to recognize the behind the scenes things that we often try to conceal from them. Which makes me wonder too, those that have wrong diagnosis' do they share ALL their problems/issues/symptoms with the doc or withhold information like i was SOOOOOO tempted to do myself for i FEARED BEYOND FEAR pdocs and the whole mental illness establishment basically. It is so sad to think that so many pdocs across the nation (as i read from former post you had) are not skilled enough to do more than ONE evaluation before medicating someone, or not knowledgable enough to probe a little more, take a little more time with their patient and find out exactly what is going on before handing out the scripts. I just wanted you to know that MY OWN PERSONAL DIAGNOSIS DELAY was my OWN fault, my OWN fears, my OWN concealing of emotions/behavior etc for i was EMBARRESSED to be honest and FEARFUL...but my regular MD picked up on it and literally begged me to understand they could help me and she couldn't do anything for the bipolar but could the physical illnesses. I have her to thank so much for sending me to one of the best pdocs in our area. Since then i've had to change pdocs due to insurance being NILL...and the bipolar getting worse and the state he was in not taking my state's assistance card anylonger.....so i had to start over and yet it was a good thing, although i dreaded starting all over with another pdoc ...like telling the story of your life over and over again it seemed and i was just TIRED , weary, depressed and manic and unfocused and it overwhelmed me to think i had to restart with all the history and such, HOWEVER IT WAS A BLESSING for this pdoc will literally CALL you and check on just how you're doing, will send someone to your house if you can't make appt, and is one of the most caring, doctors i've ever met. My therapist has become like family to me....my only fear now is that one day i will have to change again or he will leave or she (therapist) will move on to another job at another m.illness center. I guess i just wanted to let you know that research, KNOWLEDGE ON YOUR ILLNESS< AND THE TREATMENTS IS really a LOT LOT Up to us to be aware ofwhat is going on with our own bodies, our own minds, and SHARING THAT WITH THE EVALUATOR OR PDOC>>>KNOWLEDGE IS POWER FOR US FOR it seems no one really understands this illness for they keep coming out with OH THIS COULD CAUSE IT< THAT COULD CAUSE IT< IT HAS TO BE THIS OR THAT CAUSING IT>> I literally read where they are thinking of some kind of vaccine/shot for bp disorder, chronic fatigue and on it goes claiming that it is a VIRUS! YEAH RIGHT! GEEZ! BUT I had to share a story with you of one who did her research, went to multiple docs before taking anything, and well really was probably a pain in the butt with all the questions and information i bombarded them with before i'd take a thing. Now I am on meds for bp, they seem to work well (after 5 years of adjusting and changing and tweaking) , but to be honest not all the time, actually not as much as they need to for I am medication resistant and oft what is prescribed for one thing ends up doing the opposite in my system...tehee..leave it to me to be mixed up with that too! BUT the glass is HALF FULL and this too will pass ...at least i have to think that way and stay on top of all the new research that is LEGITIMATE for there is so much out there that is nothing but ridiculous....supported and put into practice by those who haven't a clue as to what hurdles we dodge/duck/vault or the intense pain this disorder can create for not only us but our loved ones. I try so hard to stay positive and yet yet yet, the dark beast always seems to sneak in there at least once a day AT LEAST....the Chronic Insominia is horrid too for oh the thoughts one gets at 3am when all else are sleeping soundly. BUT I have established many many coping skills through my own research and through my awesome therapist and pdoc, he has me keep a mood chart and actually reviews it with me each time we meet, he is available anytime needed as is my therapist. So there ARE SOME and very few i know...but SOME pdocs out there that are staying on top of the game and really making an effort. I so feel for those that were like me in the beginning of the process and are not getting the right diagnosis....I pray that they will find a pdoc that really knows what he is doing, or at least trying his hardest to do so. Thanks again for such a thought provoking post and I miss our correspondence. Hopefully I'll be on here more. AND I DO READ YOUR WEBSITE TOO that is an IMMENSE HELP in case anyone hasn't tried it yet!! lots of friendship and prayers and positive energy your way my friend, take care! ctrygirl