As always deep gratitude for your candour John.
Learn how to say no, nicely, both to yourself and to others. If the house isn't perfect and the cookies not baked - that is AOK. It also means overcoming our own resistance not to disappoint which John mentions. You wisely put "No expectations" at the top of the list. It is totally right to close down when necessary. We have a serious chronic disease. If you were doing Chemo for cancer would people expect you to make it to their Holiday get-together and act like nothing was happening? NO!
And finally learn how to depressurize. Is it an IPod on a couch? Take the dog out for a walk? Lock yourself in your bedroom for awhile? Yoga? Breathing?
Self-care is paramount. And John oh so gets this, which I appreciate.
problem is that cancer is cancer and bipolar is the crazies and the can't help its so folks do expect that those with bipolar still rise to the occasion and meet each and all expectations and put on a happy cheerful face while doing so
while those with cancer and other diseases and disorders are given way more berth to just do as they feel is necessary for their own health and well being
and anyway many would want to argue that bipolar does not in any way equate to cancer or diabetes or alheizmers or epilepsy or ms or any of the other medical chronic often debilitating and life dysfunctioning "medical" diseases that can render one quite possibly dead
even though those with bipolar could very well and many have ended up as dead as the others
You are so right on all counts when you compare Bipolar and cancer and other life-threatening diseases. People really do misunderstand the serious lethal nature of our disease, and that furthermore we are often NOT in the "driver's seat", meaning we are unable to overcome symptoms by will alone. We know Bipolar is physiological but much of the rest of the world does not. Soon I will have a chance to do some real-live analysis of stigma. Ironically, I am about to enter into a new phase in my life where I will be living with both Bipolar and cancer and all the stigmas they entail. This Thursday I have been called in to see an oncologist following a breast cancer screening. Some people have all the luck!!
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For the last 3 years of holidays I have been able to actually enjoy my life. Since moving to Arizona we have made alot of good snowbird friends. We all spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together....and I do mean the days together. I cook the Turkey for about 20 people and the stuffing. Everyone else chips in on the cost, and they each bring a side dish. We gather about 10 in the morning and eat around 3:30. There are hugs all around...and lots of I love yous. We set up tables in the carport, and everyone brings their own place settings. Theres ice tea and soda before hand, and a glass of wine with dinner. We have lots of nibbles before dinner. We come from all walks of life...The usa, canada and even France. I never had this growing up as a child...there was always fighting and harsh words when my family gathered since my dad and my aunt were alcoholics, not to mention my aunt was bipolar. I've learned to looking forward to these holidays...I love to cook Turkey...go figure right...everyone seems to like the way I cook it...Who would have thought these days could be so much fun...I never did! So bring on Thanksgiving and Christmas...I am no longer afraid of them. Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends here on BipolarConnect. (BTW...John...are you a grandpa yet?)
Hi, Nonethewiser. Looks like you found an excellent solution - holidays with friends, rather than family. People away from family who want to be around people. It also sounds like you are the initiator and mastermind. Congratulations - this is an excellent lesson for all of us. Please include me at your table in spirit.
And yep, I'm a proud granddad. Thanks for asking. Edward Stewart (Teddie) is nearly two months and is the cutest and smartest baby ever. :)
Congratulations on the new grandchild...mine just turned 9 today...they grow up so fast, so don't blink!