relationships

My husband is destroying our family

scarrlot Community Member May 01, 2007
  • My husband is 34 years old and can be the most wonderful man on the earth. He also has a very dark side. We have been together for five years and we have three children. Two of them are mine from a previous marraige and our son we got custody of when he was ten months old and he is currently five. I adopted him about a month ago after a long struggle with my husband in order to make sure he always has a stable home. My husband is prone to affairs. He has had two where he left me and took our son to be in the care of women who did not even have custody of thier own children. My sons mother lost her rights to him when he was nine months old due to starving him to death and leaving him alone. My husband seems to be drawn to these type women and has constantly applied pressure to me when I try to go to school to become a nurse. Every time a semester starts he creates some kind of drama that stresses me out till I drop out. He complains I dont work enough but then when i work it is the same story as when I go to school. He is a work aholic and is currently trying to work two jobs that both at times reqire him to work seven days a week twelve hours a day. You would think we would be financially set but he spends it faster than he brings it in on silly stuff. Currently he is behind on every bill we have including his truck payment and yesterday he went to rent and roll and put 1700 dallors worth of wheels on the truck. Before we bought the house we are living in he got on the internet and got three credit cards and borrowed five thousand dallors total from those cash advance places. I have tried to talk to him about managing money. He refuses to listen and each week cashes his check and puts it in his pockent and spends it as he wants to for whatever selfish things he wants at the time. He hides his statements so I never know what is coming in or going out. He recently stole my wedding rings and pawned them due to not having any cash for almost two months. He had used our joint account to get those cash advances and they took their fees faster than he was getting paid. When I closed the account we owed the bank almost two thousand dallors and he still owes every one of those check cashing places. He is not making car payments, house payment, or credit card payments. He is also very violent. He has hit me and injured me several times. I have never been one to tolerate anything from everyone. I do love him and know that he could have a full life. He can talk up some real good dreams....but he can also lie very well and does so all the time. I cant beleive anything he says. Even when I confronted him about my rings and I told him I already knew they were at the pawn shop he still made up an extravegant lie. He will look me in my face and make up huge lies and be so obvious but he cant see it. When my husband is good he is really good, but when he is bad he is really bad. I am ready to leave him, I cant trust him, I cant depend on him, he is ruining us financially, for me their is nothing in this relationship. It does hurt my heart cause I do love him and I want him to get help but he just tells me that he likes his attitude and his temper. I am out of help for him.

6 Comments
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Feb. 27, 2009

    I have no answers for you.  Unfortunately...it only gets worse.  I went through 17 years.  I know.  You don't want to know the end result.  You're in my prayers.

  • Anonymous
    Mrs. Hyde
    Aug. 06, 2008

    My bipolar husband refuses to accept even the possibility that he might be bipolar.  He's completely in denial of the fact that he is fine one day, and as cruel and emotionally abusive as he could possibly be the next. Without him accepting that his being bipolar is even a possibility - he is never going to change.  I don't feel I'm not living up...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    My bipolar husband refuses to accept even the possibility that he might be bipolar.  He's completely in denial of the fact that he is fine one day, and as cruel and emotionally abusive as he could possibly be the next. Without him accepting that his being bipolar is even a possibility - he is never going to change.  I don't feel I'm not living up to my marriage vows - I have done all I could - dealing with an unrepentant monster was NOT part of the deal.

     

    I am looking forward to saving my life from the hell it has been for the past 3 years, and will treasure every minute that he is no longer making my son and I heartbroken and deeply disturbed.  I'm OUTTA HERE.  Yay!!!!!!!!!!!  Free at last!!!

     

    • Anonymous
      Belinda
      Aug. 06, 2008

      I am proud of you Mrs. Hyde!!!! I wanted to do that several times myself. I keep telling myself things will change, the paranoia, the spending money---always needing the best of everything. It just gets tiring.

       

      Well if your spouse is cheating and sellling your rings then definately get out!!!

      there is no reason for that, soon you will loose everything...

      RHMLucky777

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      I am proud of you Mrs. Hyde!!!! I wanted to do that several times myself. I keep telling myself things will change, the paranoia, the spending money---always needing the best of everything. It just gets tiring.

       

      Well if your spouse is cheating and sellling your rings then definately get out!!!

      there is no reason for that, soon you will loose everything and be living on the streets of with family.Do this for the kids as they are so preciouse----look at me talk yes I feel like a hyppacrit!

       

  • Anonymous
    Abigail
    Jan. 20, 2008

    Love is not a reason to stay! Take the children and leave him ASAP! Children will internalize his bad behavior and might act out the same in the future. By staying you are teaching them that his behavior is ok and since it is not, you must teach your children that when the going gets tough the tough should get going - because they are smart!

     

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    May. 03, 2007
    Lady, if you care at all about your kids GET OUT NOW!  How can you stay with someone who abuses you and worse, how can you allow your children to witness domestic violence.  This guy is no good and you are putting yourself and your children at serious risk by staying.  He cheated on you?  That would have been my first clue to leave...........
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    Lady, if you care at all about your kids GET OUT NOW!  How can you stay with someone who abuses you and worse, how can you allow your children to witness domestic violence.  This guy is no good and you are putting yourself and your children at serious risk by staying.  He cheated on you?  That would have been my first clue to leave........
    • Nohope4me
      Aug. 28, 2014
      How do you get out and support those children financially? I am in a situation where my bipolar husband is current being admitted to a facility and I want to keep him away but I cannot support anyone. I have no job and didn't finish school because of constant stress in our home. Our debt is awful. What do you suggest?!?!