This is the first time I'm on this website, my exgirlfriend told me about the website.
I very sad at this moment because I read all the things she wrote on her profile.
I understand that she feels like she feels but people without this disorder does not understand the normal day that you go thru. I was only recently diagnosed with Bipolar a year and a half ago and prior to that I had severe deppression. I went thru a lot of treatment to get to where I am now. I don't understand this disorder myself and is still getting to know wat I'm dealing with but most of the time I just want to give up because I can't understand myself and other people can't understand me as well. I'm so tired of fighting every second of the day. I'm actually on such a low I can help myself. I don't want to eat, sleep, talk to anyone and it's difficult for me to go too work. I just want to knock my head against the wall. I can't explain why I do things most of the time I forget and it is as if life just go on and I never want to look back is because I hate what I do every second of the day. I would not even be able to read this after I wrote it because it's so sore and ****** UP (sorry for the ugly word). I actually try to help myself to go to the phyciatrist every seven weeks. I'm going for EEG and a Catscan all the tests on Friday again. Still 1 day feels to much what is there to look forward too??? At the moment nothing means anything to me... I dont even care what happens to me now. Last week I went thru my manic impolsive moods and this week I'm deppressed and it changes like a dumb wheel that always just go on and on and on... So tired of these feelings. Just when you think you fine your not anymore. Anyways I'm trying and cant talk anymore it is too much...
Mirinda - I know exactly how you feel, its like your emotions are controlling your life and you can't even control your own emotions. The only way I can make it thru each day is 1)repetition (get up at the same time, exercise on a regular schedule, take meds regularly, etc.) and 2)figuring out what brings me pleasure, even just a little pleasure, and doing those things every day. On my list of pleasures I have: Work as little as possible but get the job done, eat 2 100 calorie sweets every night, watch Raymond, Sopranos, The Office, and the Braves baseball, lose myself in a book. Oh, and online shopping.
What I'm trying to say is (1) that you have to force yourself (I know its hard) to find whatever meds work best through trial and error, and (2) think of things you like to do and do them for yourself every day. I also think you should see your pdoc more than once in 7 months. Therapy is so good for me, I can let my sadness out and he listens and cares. I isolate myself a lot so its good to be with someone who cares no matter how much of a downer I am sometimes.
I think I'm going on too long but I hope you find a way to settle down your episodes and really take care of you. This is not going away, so you must find a way to deal. Kathleen