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Hey Mirinda,
Eric
Tuesday, November 27, 2007 at 04:06 AM -
Don't give up
morninggrl
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 at 01:53 PMDid you call someone today for help? Have you looked into a crisis service, a hotline, a hospital? I've been in that black hole, and IT CAN GET BETTER. Depression sucks you in and and squashes you down, and you can't get out by yourself. Please continue to reach out for help. Thank you for posting so we have the chance to support you.
I agree with Eric. No more lying. It sounds to me like you're suffering in a serious depression. Rational conflict, calmly discussing things back and forth instead of avoiding talking, may help your partner support you. You don't mention anyone other than your counselor who helps you talk your feelings through so that you're not locked in that blackness alone - please find someone to open up to. It helps. Your meds may not be the right ones - even if they help a little, you're still suffering, and you don't have to. Maybe a higher dose is needed, or maybe your doctor needs to try something different. I find comfort in researching meds myself, so I feel prepared when I go in. It helps me feel less helpless to know what I'm talking about. I recently used wikipedia to research a lot about my son's meds and his extrapyramidal symptoms, and I was able to ask informed questions when we saw the psychiatrist. Because I had an idea what we really needed, I was able to have a conversation with the doctor, and we were able to agree on a change to Geodon, which helps his moods much better than the Abilify he was on.
Please keep posting about how you're doing. I'll add you to my prayers.
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why is it so hard
TaraO
Sunday, December 16, 2007 at 08:41 PMMirinda, thank you for sharing some of your feelings. Just by doing that, I think you are trying very hard and I give you credit. It's so hard for us non BPs to understand the actual feelings because we've been so hurt. My BP husband has lied so many times and I just don't understand it. I think he actually believes the lie. Is that possible? If you are feeling like you want to share more, I would like to hear more so I myself can get a better understanding about my husband. Things are pretty bad right now - cheating, divorce etc. He says he does not want my help and he just wants me to leave him alone. Nothing that he has said over the last 3-4 months has made sense. Have you experienced this as well? Please help!
replyre: why is it so hard
mirinda
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 at 04:06 AMTaraO
I am very sorry to hear you are going thru shuch a difficult time... I can just emagine how hard it must be for you!
Firstly I would like to say that I am very proud of you for trying to support him as far as you can. It is not an easy task at ALL!
What I experience is that you/he feels so helpless that he says he does not want your help. Actually that is not the truth!
You know anyone needs love and help even though you dont have BPs. Regarding the lying.... that is a manic stage we/I go thru....
Things are better now after I almost lost my girlfriend! That helped me to realize that I/you have to help yourself to help your partner have a happy and healthy relationship and life together. It is such a waste of energy and a waste of your life even though we cant always help it because yo will always go thru a manic state. I feel that we have to try to control it and seed alternative healing.... Why waste your life in being unhappy.
I watched the SECRET last week.... What an amazing experience.... I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU GET IT AND SHARE IT WITH YOUR HUSBAND! It makes you think twice about life. There is the book aswell. At this moment I am doing very well and is very happy at this moment I think it is because I am actually making a effort to help myself and the people around me. I also decided to put it aside and out of my mind... The more you think about it the more it rules your life...
I hope this could help....
Pls feel free to contact me anytime yo need advise and I will try to assist you where i can.
Kind Regards,
Mirinda
replyre: re: why is it so hard
TaraO
Friday, December 21, 2007 at 07:54 PMAgain, thank you for sharing your feelings. I'm glad to hear that you're doing well.
I think what I'm having trouble with is whether to help him or be mad at him. I find that when we do talk, I end up bringing up everything and I'm not sure this is good for him. I just want to talk and argue about everything and he doesn't. He's told me that he has trouble facing me and he gets anxiety everytime we talk. He actually shakes. So I'm finding that I can't help but just not talk to him. I want him to feel better. The other day he called to tell me about his therapy appt. It doesn't make sense that one minute he's telling me he doesn't want my help and next he's telling me about his appt. I guess what I'm trying to ask is how should I treat him. I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore so I think I'm just trying to stay away and have as little contact as possible. What do you think?
Thank you
replyre: re: re: why is it so hard
mirinda
Monday, January 07, 2008 at 02:14 AMHappy New Year!
Sorry for only replying now...
That is a common way for him to get your attention in his own way. The thing is not that he does not want you to help him it is just so difficult for him to ask for help. He is trying to tell you that he is trying to make things better for himself and possibly for you. Yes it can help for him to go for treatment but he must do it for himself and not for anyone else. Treatement is not the only thing that will help him make himself better.... He must find the space and recognise where he is lacking in himself. I must say I feel so much better after a bit of rest I had this holiday season... I had a lot of me time and thought of what it is I want and how I am going to make myself feel better... I realized my meds is not the right combination and i still have to go back to my doctor.... But at least I feel that is one thing that is making me feel better. This year I will be going to Bipolar support groups and learn meditation and do joga just to find the inner peace and ballance in myself.... The biggest danger for us as bipolar patients is stress and landing in a spiral effect. He must get himself out of where he is now and find a quite inner peace again and then start for there....
By not communicating will not help either of you!!!! You have to make the decision as to if you want to stay with him or go on with you life.... This uncertainess between the two of you is harming both of you and its not worth it. I realized life on earth is so short and what is the point in having every day as a bad day. I would suggest you have a sit down and discuss the way forward.... If that is not possible then you have your answer. I know it is not nice to feel like this but end it now or start new in your relationship because it is getting the best of both of you. It is a new year and I personally think 2008 is going to be a great year..... Please let me know how you doing! Good Luck!!!
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We have all felt the way you’re are feeling at one time or another. It’s that helplessness and hopelessness that tends to overtake our thoughts and actions. First thing is to stop following through with the thoughts…taking the pills and drinking. You need to get a hold of your psychiatrist today for a medication adjustment to stop the thoughts (suicidal) that are not rational.
If you can’t get in anytime soon…you should admit yourself voluntary into an acute mental health unit because you are a danger to yourself and we don’t want anything bad to happen to you. We care and understand…but the thoughts you are having are irrational and part of the illness that can be controlled with the right medications.
The other thing I will add is when we are feeling this way we tend to over exaggerate how people really feel about us. Most of the time our brain and sensors are incorrect in regards to perceptions of what others think of us.
Don’t put this off…your in crisis mode and need to get this taken care of. If you run into any difficulties and need help with anything, let us know. We also want to hear your doing better…no more lying.
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