signs of cycling

By deedee Wednesday, December 26, 2007

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can someone tell me the signs i need to look for when the cycling is about to begin- it seems every 8 months i go through a horrible time with my husband he becomes hurtful and emotionless towards me, and i beleive it's starting again . just this past may when were in divorce court- but never went through with it- he became his normal self but now he's rude towards me, and iam afraid it's happening again. i been through this 2 times with him and it seems every 8 months. so if i went through this in may- which we got back together in the first week of may but it lasted ( us being seperated) for 8 weeks- 8 months meand dec. or jan? well are the signs the same>

also any suggestions what i should do or how to handle this without the fighting? iam not sure i can hang in there much longer- it saddnes me on one hand and scares me on the other- he's never been dx. by a dr. or on any meds. but has all the behavior signs.

Comments (12) | Add comment

Hopeful mom

12/27/07 6:01am

Have you suggested couple's counseling to him?

My thought is if you go to the therapist and the therapist sees the pattern, maybe a suggestion or referral could be made.

If you've been in divorce court and keep fighting, I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to ask for.

deedee

12/28/07 2:03pm

yes we've tried counseling last may but what kills me i've come right out and told the counselor what he says.and does and all the signs of bp but she ask no questions or goes anywhere with it??? it makes me so mad! i just dont know. this is the hardest thing ever. biploar is such an awful sickness it's a demon.

Hopeful mom

12/28/07 3:14pm

If he's being a j***a** and won't see reason, you may actually have to cut him loose. It depends on how willing you are to actually ride this roller coaster with him.

You can't make him want to change. His life is apparently working out the way he wants it to.

My dad is 65 years old and will never change. I learned I have to accept him as he is or get him out of my life.

tabby

12/27/07 7:29am

You said it. He hasn't gone to a doctor, he hasn't been diagnosed, and he is on no medication. His behavior fits the profile you've probably read here and everywhere else. However, you are not a doctor and you can't diagnose him with having Bipolar.

This isn't to be rude or harsh, it isn't. It is to state the obvious fact - he may have undiagnosed Bipolar or something else or he may just be a j**cka**ss who likes to cause trouble - till you decide to leave - then be all nice and Mr. romance to lure you back in - you go head first back in - and then he turns back to a j**cka**ss cause he got what he wanted - you to return.

I'd say, get him to a doctor, have him diagnosed with whatever, and get him on meds. He won't go, I betcha nor will he try marriage counseling. Still, you could be surprised and he agree to go.

The fact that you've been through this, you've been through divorce court only to not go through with it, you went back and now this whatever has re-appeared shows that it is indeed a pattern. Either you need to follow through with the divorce and distance yourself (if you can't deal with the pattern) or, you'll need to figure a way to live around the pattern.

Cause, until he is willing to go to a psychiatrist - not family doctor - get diagnosed, get therapy, and get meds consistently going - there is no point. The pattern will continue, and if he does indeed have Bipolar, it will worsen as times goes on.

smokefan

12/27/07 6:23pm

Dee dee,

I just ended a long term relationship for some of the same reasons you just stated. Cycle... I notice a monly cycle with the woman I'm seeing now. She gets very emotional. Her emotions get stronger (being easily upsetable) once a month. I thind, Dee Dee, that you need to look out for you first and formost. You can't do ANYBODY any good unless you take care of yourself... remmeber that. I took a long time to do that for myself. You are THE most important person in your life. What you are discribing sound like my life with this woman we will call "T". I was jumping through hoops and dealing with a woman that was not dx or medicated. I finaly got tired of sufering... so I ended it. This whole thing may not be working for you no matter how much you love him... it happends... and it is okay. We are all human. Take care of number one always... it doesn't mean you are selfish either. You just keep your chin up! I'm here if you need to write me.

Smokefan

deedee

12/28/07 2:07pm

gosh smoke fan i thought you 2 were doing good? if this is the smae person we're talking about? iam so sorry to hear. how are you holding up? it is hard but living with someone whom is un-med. whom has bp is even harder.. the cycles are unbleiveable it';s every 8 months?

smokefan

12/30/07 12:10pm

No... no. The woman ("M") tha I'm with is great and on meds. I talking about my Ex. Sorry to confuse you.

Danie

12/28/07 8:33pm

I understand what you're going thru. My husband can sometimes have several episodes a month. I know you said he hasn't gone to the doctor, I would recommend making that a priority. About the therapist that doesn't listen, its time to get a new one! My husband has a great therapist but he has another doctor to dispense medication. We were always in and out of his office in less than 15 minutes. My husband felt he wasn't being listened to so last week we got a new doctor. I was suprised at the difference. I guess what I'm saying is don't settle for less than the best care. There are times where I feel like I am at the end of my rope and can't go anymore but I want to explore all of our options before we call it quits. I recently bought a book called "Loving someone with bi-polar disorder" by Julie Fast & John Preston. I read the first page and felt like I was reading about myself. I haven't finished the book but I have so far found it helpful. Good luck.

deedee

12/31/07 10:04am

hi thanks for the words, i have that book as well and have read it several times, i too felt like i was reading my life- maybe iam too thinking about my opitions but am realizing i really dont have any til he sees for himself. he's so cold and mean it's as if the more he hurts me the better he feels

Mandy27

12/30/07 12:29am

DeeDee,

I wish I could reach out and give you big a hug! I know that is probably what you need so desprately now. I have been going through the same thing with my husband. We are going through divorce now too. He was exactly the same way. His really bad cycles were every 3 months. Every 3 months.. he would kick me out of the apt. FUN!! He would turn completely COLD, like I have never seen before. I hope I never see it again. I miss him terribly. I miss the man I fell in love with. Problem is, I don't know if I fell in with the real him, or... I don't know how to finish that thought even. I miss him terribly. He is on meds now. But I can't honestly say they are working.

I can say this, I don't miss the Ice Cold moods he would have for months at a time. But I do miss the warm man who was my absolute best friend at other times. Too bad the Good man wasn't around near as long as the Other ONE!!! GOOD LUCK SWEETIE!

deedee

12/31/07 10:01am

wow 3 months thats tough!!! you're so right.. i know what i need to do cause til he does get help or even sees and hears his behavior and words nothing will change- nothing at all. it's hard for us to let gop and move on cause we did fall in love but with whom? how long were you 2 married/ any kids? this is both our second marriage and you would think you have learned from your mistakes the first time but i guess he hasnt. we have no kids together thank god it does make it a little easier.. he's just a cold monster when he's like this-- like he has no emotions and the more he see and hears my pain and getting upset the more he plays on it... i';ve had it.

Mandy27

12/31/07 1:28pm

That is the same as us! It was both of our second marriages. I just thought for sure this one would work. We don't have any children either. We tried for them but I have lots of female problems so we couldn't get pregnant. Whew! I say that now! He has plenty of other girlfriends now. He has completely moved on without me. I can't even get the words out to express how lonely and betrayed I feel. I can't trust any man because I gave him everything I had. I just wonder how much was really the bipolar and how much he is just a cold-hearted ******/? I am in the deepest depression I have ever been in. Good luck to you. It has to worse before it gets better I guess!!

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