Under the microscope

You have an eloquent way of writing.

It is the illness

Oh, and by the way - I too struggle through periods of severe depression when I question why I should still be here trapped within my life of heaviness, darkness, and pain.  I too question the validity of how it could be a benefit to those around me for me to continue breathing when I've caused them so much grief and at the same time feeling angry actually that I have to stay here, in pain, because it is the right thing to do.

It is the illness, my friend that puts those thoughts, that twists the depression into those thoughts and you can only truly see it once it has passed by.

Stay strong and hold on and take it hour by hour if you must.  Speak with your professional folks and try to focus on that it's the darkness speaking and eventually you'll see light again.

Each wave gets stronger and longer but you can go through them, if you just hold on and that, my friend, is your choice to make.

Don't allow the darkness, the illness to make the choice for you.  Do not allow it to take that power from you.