ANGER again.....

By bud Friday, April 18, 2008

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All of this anger and irritability in this illness is so horrible to live with. Sometimes I wonder if I use this illness as an excuse for my bad behavior. Is this true? Do we really not have control? I try and try to control my temper but it always seems to end up controling me. I am so discouraged......is it my fault? WHY can't I control it? Don't get me wrong I don't just randomly freak out...it's just when I do get angry it is just pure FURY!!!! Angrier than the situation calls for.....does that make sense?

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Lidica

4/18/08 5:28pm

I can understand your post about anger. I find that I have a hard time dealing with myself because I seem to let everything get to me these days. The reasons behind the anger make sense but I wish I could let it roll off my back instead of irritating the hell out of me. So is that the disease or me? The anxiety meds are too strong so I am trying to get through life without them until I get back to my doctor. Life is full of triggers that can set us off and I usually can find some control without cursing everyone out in my path. I feel no matter what disease we face we still have to not make the world suffer for what we are going through so acknowledging what we say. Apologizing if we say something mean when it is not warranted are all ways we can trudge through life and bipolar. Big hugs and prayers! It seems like already you are making a giant leap in just questioning your behavior and how you might do things differently! God bless you and have a wonderful weekend! Do something special for yourself like bubble bath with candles and soft music it is very relaxing and eases stress.

dbletlk1

4/19/08 8:57pm

I just want to tell you that approx. 10 times I had explosive anger at people who are close to me and that is what caused me to seek professional help. I screamed at times until I thought my head would blow off. This was not the norm, I knew that for sure. Medication is the true anecdote for the mood disorder. I don't believe that when I was being emotionally abused or mentally or physically abused that I could have reacted any other way without medication. Just thought I'd let you know your not alone. Lithium has been working for me, but in 3 mos I've gained 10 lbs.

Hopeful mom

4/21/08 6:00pm

Keep working with ur psych and get it figured out. When you find something to help keep the anger from getting out of control, you'll feel much better. Praying for you.

propmanage

4/24/08 8:54am

I am on the other end of the situation I see it and hear it all the time it has got to a point that I think it is changing who I am and I don't like it and I can't escape it. I have a laid back personality most of the time and I say "what's the big deal most of the time" although I don't let people walk all over me. I fine I am even being prevented from saying "oh well" because then I am accused of having no spine or not standing up it's a loose loose situation. My hands are tied and all I can do is watch and take it. So read what I say and think about what you are doing and possibly you will think twice before you react.

sierrawilde

4/24/08 9:16am

I used to get very irritated with my husband and we would fight all the time. It left me feeling hollow and scared. I would cry, and wish that I could hold my tongue. It was very painful. Slowly, the edge came off. It was difficult, but it was such a relief that I could feel better, and so could he. I believe there's the medicine, and there's the irritation that you have to take the medicine. I get so angry that I have a mental illness and that I can't do anything about it. It takes tremendous patience and self worth. I hope it turns around for you. Don't give up!

Stone

4/24/08 10:35am

I have bp II. I, too, have anger issues. I am often hyper-sensitive. Many people bother me. In traffic, in line at the bank. It seems many people are rude because they don't care or are clueless. Even my loved ones -- children, girlfriend, parents -- disappoint. And to make matters worse, I replay these things in my head, over and over and over. Itdon't know the answer. I think I'm going to try more medication. The key, my doc says, is living a balanced life-physical, spiritual, emotional, having many sources of happiness. I wonder though if I would still be angry. It is a curse. I would like to know if anyone with bp can figure out how not to be hyper sensitive.

propmanage

4/24/08 11:30am

I have to laugh because the stories are all the same with BP's the other day while driving through the shopping mall parking lot all was quite I was keeping things smart and just keeping cool and then out of no place a car pulls out in front of us I start to think "oh no hear it goes". The voice volume goes up "What the heck is everyone a bad driver today" I see the look in the eye's so I stay cool and say "I know" then the look again "you don't know did you see them" I stay cool "yes I think it must be a full moon" and then things calm down with repeated sighs and the look of lets fight. So I suggest hey why don't you wait in the car and relax and read your book I will run in and do the shopping. It was like ducking a bullet but by the time I came out things had smoothed out. The part I don't understand is if I reacted and argued and fought I would have been able to see relief as if the appetite to battle had been filled and with out giving her that pleasure the tension stayed in the air until all was forgotten.

bud

4/24/08 6:42pm

I replay things in my head as well. Could I have done this or not have done that? Was it my fault or was it their fault....etc.....I take everything to heart and sometimes don't even realize that somebody is just teasing and take it seriously!!!!!

5/13/10 3:59pm

you guys know my half!!!!!!!! lol!

it sucks to be this way and not have any solid foundations, with yourself or other people. you have these ideas about what people should be like and noone fits the bill. is it you or me? it hurts when you dont even recognize who you are anymore, and ruin all your morals and destroy all the things you hold dear. is it me or another personality doing this? i feel like ten people in one and i cant control who i will be or what i will do next. i think one way and i do another and i tell everyone else i am ok and i am soooooooo not. i cant even stay on track fo r5 min..... there is no cure all pill and you have to fight your way thru meds and really figure out what works and you never know because you start back at square one again..you never have an empty pallette so you can never quite paint your self portrait!@#$%^&*( does this make any sense to anyone, or am i just ramblin?

Jan

4/24/08 8:35pm

Anger and irritability are part of the manic phase. It is not your fault - only if you don't take your medication and try your best. God knows your heart. I have had BP1 (diagnosed 1974) for a long time. Yes, even Christians can have or inherit BP! Lithium just did not do the job for me although some says it works for them. For a long time now I have taken a combination of Seroquel and Zoloft and do better than I ever did on Lithium for so long. My 30-year old niece was diagnosed two or three years ago - about the age I was. She has never taken Lithium and would not because she saw it never worked for me. She is balanced on Abilify and Lexapro.

Even with our medication being balanced, we may still have regular ups and downs like "other" folks, but don't get angry at yourself! Just tell yourself that you "will get over it" and "expect" that! God loves you! He loves me and my niece as well, and we know that. We are quite aware that "God knows we have this disorder" and that he loves us and wants the best for us. He says he foreknew us before we were born. I know for a fact that God foreknew that I would have this problem but that I would trust him and look to him for every single need I had and that I would make it. I believe God gives us that have overcome it for so long to be a messenger of hope for the younger generation that is getting diagnosed with it every single day.

bud

4/24/08 8:42pm

Thank you Jan...I really beat myself up over this issue. I feel like I am in a constant battle with myself!!! I know I am a good person and then I am like...well, good people don't ACT this way! It is very discouraging.

sally

4/23/10 6:39am

Thank you fpr your reply on anger. I really have it bad, especially with my Loved ones, I was angry all the time with my Mother(she is diseased now, she also had bipolar and the same symptoms(anger). I'm also angry with my boyfriend all the time..seems it got worse now that I'm taking lithium amd lamictal. I will be seeing my physciatrist in a few days, so maybe he can help with other meds. I'll keep reading these messages because I'm not the only one that feels this way, it really helps knowing it's just my bipolar.

lizz

4/24/08 11:44pm

Omggg i know EXACTLY how you feel!! I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II about 7 months ago. I knew there was something wrong with me because everytime I would get angry i would EXPLODE and get overly angry and would say really mean things to people/loved ones that i didn't mean at all. Just like you said I never get angry but when I do its realllllyyy bad. I was put on Zoloft for my irrability and it works REALLY well. I'm very patient now, hold my tongue when I'm mad (not because I try to but because the medication allows me to relax and not get upset), and I'm an awesome person to be around. Just wanted to let you know that your not alone and when you find the right medication you won't have to deal with that anymore and you won't be afraid of exploding over silly little things. Goodluck :)

lizz

4/24/08 11:49pm

Oh ya.. I am also on Lamictal too.. I was put on that first .. went up to 100 mg got even crankier. when back to 50 mgs then tried zoloft AND lamictal and thats what did the trick. Ask your therapist about combining different medications.

sally

4/23/10 6:42am

Thanks Lizz for the info about meds I will suggest it. Yes, because I explode all the time, especially the last 4 days..it's been terrible than I get depressed.

ANGER again.....

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