I want out.....

Well, first, I want to let you know that I care.  I see that you are an individual doing the very best you can.  That's all we can do, I wouldn't be very hard on yourself. 

It sounds, like you really do love your children.  But, I have heard of many people, that feel the same way.  Now, I am no expert, because I am not a parent.  But, that's what I hear.  If you are a stay-at-home mom, I am sure, it can be quite boring.  I am not, sure, if that is your situation.  Don't beat yourself up for your feelings.  You are just doing the best you can.  The part, that I really hear is that you love your children.  Maybe, the staying-at -home part (if that is the case), is really not what you like.  One doesn't get many kudos for that.

I have faced mental illness most of my life, bipolar being one of them.  It has created alot of chaos in my life.  I spent many years being miserable, too.  My family and friends weren't supportive of me, and didn't really take my situation seriously.  I can understand some of your feelings, but not all.  I lost many jobs, friendships, important opportunities in my life.  I lost many years of my life.  Finally, though, I got better.  The doctors didn't think, I would ever amount to much.  But, I pushed past their expectations, and went to college and got full-time employment.  It took all the energy I had, and I almost have up, too.  But, I forged ahead.

This is not about me, though.  I am writing, because you need to know, that people do care.  Maybe, your husband and the in-laws don't understand, but I have a feeling your family does care.  One of the hardest lessons I've learned, is that I can't change others.  I can have a positive or negative impact in their lives, but we cannot make them be who, we want to be.  Your husband is very ignorant about the disease.  He is not the only one.  There's so many people, like that, it's not funny.  I don't think, that they're really trying to mean.  They just don't realize that it is a true medical illness and it is very serious.

I have given up talking to my family about the illness.  They just skate around the subject or suddenly switch topics.  The best thing that I did, was get a counselor.  That way, I got an unbiased viewpoint.  It made a big difference in my life.  Maybe, that is an idea for you.  I'm not sure.

I just read, that you have three children, under the age of three and lower.  Just noticed that.  Well, girl, I hand it to you, I give you lots of credit for that.  That is quite a handful.  If you can do that, you're an incredible person in my book.  Maybe, the problem is, that you never have a break from the kids.  If you are around them 24 7, then I understand your feelings.  That is very normal.  It sounds, like you are doing alot for others.  And, are not doing enough for yourself. 

I am really am trying to empathize with you, although, I am not married or a parent.  I must be honest about that.  But, I geniuely want the best for you.  Remember, your kids love you alot, and need you.  I wish, the best for you.  I would really like to hear from you.  Just if you know, that someone out there is trying to understand, and does care.  There are many like me out there.  You sound like a very sweet person.  Just take one day at a time.  That's sometimes the best we can do.

I don't know, if you like to write.  But, sometimes, journaling our feelings on paper, helps work some things out.  Just an idea!  Take care of yourself.

I want you to know, that you must live.  I am sorry, that I did not mention this sooner.  I will tell you a story, that is very personal.  But, it is important to tell here.  I lost a great-father and best friend to suicide.  My grandfather was very little when he lost his father, and he never got over it.  It affected him his entire life.  He suffered so much, as a result of it.  It was so hard for me to hear him to tell the story. 

I lost a friend, also.  He was the love of my life.  But, he had problems, and thought that was the way out.  But, it nearly destroyed his entire family.  They nor I will ever be the same again.

Believe me, I had those feelings, when I was younger.  I was very sick.  But, I knew that kind of action would destroy my parents, friends, & family.  That was the only thing, that kept me going.

You are reaching out, and I want you to know, that I care.  Remember, that I believe in you, and I'm sure, that there are alot of people that care about you.  You need to talk with your family, because I'm sure, that they'd understand.  I would like to hear back from you.

Give yourself some credit.  I think, that amazing that you have three kids under three.  That has to be a real balancing act.  I bet, that they're great kids.  They love you more, than anything.  And, accept you for being you.  Take care of yourself.

Stop whining

 Life is what you make it and if you are an eaor, then that’s what you have chosen to be. I know it may sound a bit harsh, but you really need to be shaken and have a kick in the pants.  You’re just feeling sorry for yourself with feeling trapped and need a good cry. Honestly…if your husband treats you like crap and pull the mental card, leave and go home to your parents with the kids. Life is too short as it is to waste you life in a miserable relationship. What I will also add is that it takes two to make a relationship work, meaning both sides need to want it to work.

Being a mom with three kids is far from boring and will usually take up so much of your time, it leaves little for yourself. You need a break once in awhile just to be you and enjoy a little. I know you love your kids and do enjoy being around them, but sometimes adult conversation and a little space is needed.

Medications will only do just so much…I don’t really think in your case it’s a medication issues and more a situational problem of feeling stuck and worthless. You are far from worthless and if he doesn’t treat you right, there are plenty of guys that would. Take a stand today in sticking up for yourself and stop being everyone’s doormat. As harsh as it may sound, you are where you are because you have allowed others to do so. The nice thing is that you can take that power back at anytime.

You are going to meet resistance from people like your husband because they have come to expect you to suck it up in order to get their way in things. Why not give mom and dad a call today and have a good cry, letting them in on what’s going on and looking for their advice. I tell both of my grown kids that they can come home anytime and will not fall through the cracks. 

They never do, but it gives them a sense of if things get bad, they have a place to turn too. That’s what you need right now is for someone to offer you that same out even if you don’t take it. How close are you and your mom & dad?

This forum is for whining if we want to.  Having little kids is hard.  I remember feeling so stressed out from very little sleep and feeling like I was parenting by myself because my husband wasn't all that invested in it.  My kids are grown now and I miss those old days.  I was the center of their universe and they looked to me to fill all their needs.  They don't need me as much now and it makes me sad.  Have you thought about getting a part time job? Let your husband watch them when he's home and you go do something else for a few hours.  Staying at home with kids is far from boring.  You couldn't pay someone enough to do it because the job starts way before 8 and doesn't end at 5.  As far as your kids not remembering you, maybe they wouldn't but something would always be missing.  There's a place in our hearts that only a mom can fill.  I lost mine 5 years ago and still feel like a big piece of me is missing.  I think you need to get a med adjustment and maybe see a therapist.  You love your children and that's enough of a reason to do what you can to stick around.

*hugs*

I know what you mean how can you act one way and feel another...

You definitely don't need your significant other to be giving you the "crazy" comment...

More understanding, less insulting... really. If he could only have this for a week or month. I'd like to see how he would do...I think he'd be looking for the combo to the safe if you catch my drift

Take care of yourself first and foremost... you won't be any good to your bebe's if your one fry short of a happy meal... in other words how can you love & support anyone else if you don't love & support yourself first.

Second you have to be there for the kidz, no matter how bad life gets... you can replace any material item... but not a life.

Third if your husband is not supportive and understanding... then it's time to move on to bigger and better things... If you can't rely on someone you took vows with:

"For better, for worse... in sickness and in health" then he should have said "I don't"

Things happen in life that are uncontrollable ... one day your flying high and the next your as far down as the bottoms of the ocean. But when one door closes another opens... and if doesn't open then you go out the window.

you feel me? Right. so just do your thing and keep it as sweet as sugar cause their is always someone out there that will appreciate and love you just the way you are.

Respectfully,

Bp1973