Why is it that I can never feel connected with people? I mean even though there are people that care for me surrounding me...I feel alone. Part of me knows that they care but, still, somehow, just doesn't believe it. It's so exhausting. I feel like I don't belong anywhere if that makes any sense. I feel like the odd girl out all the time. I feel like people who SAY they like me are just full of it...I mean how could somebody truly like ME. Is it because I don't like me that I feel this way? I was popular in school and at work but still felt like an outsider. I faked it all...maybe that is why I felt that way...because it WAS me being fake. Like I knew it wasn't the real me and all of these friends and family were a mirage because they really didn't/don't know the real me. The me that is just so lost. I know this sounds ludacris but, I am just trying to make sense of these things. I had to see the words because it drives me nuts, I had to let it out. There is a song by Amel Arrieux called "Gills and Tails" The lyrics describe my feelings to a tee....
Here is the link to the song.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gppMJucwhSI
I looked at my reflection in the water
Thought what an unlikely pair
Closed my eyes, held my breath, plummeted down,down,down
And anchored myself there
Can't tell how long i've been
In the company of gills and tails
I think I feel my skin
Growing scales
Chorus
Can I come up for air
Can I come up, can come up
(repeat 3x)
I'm gettin' eaten up down here
I'm just not built like them
The big fish have a monopoly
The little fish get buried in the sand
This here world I'm in
Sucks your life out, leaves you comatose
Take back your salt and fins
Send me a lifeboat
Chorus
I look up with longing at the surface
Hypnotized by the way the sunlight seems to ride each ripple
And they do a dance
Every ray becomes a beckoning hand
I miss the sweet taste of oxygen
I mistook this for the promised land
Here is the link to the song.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gppMJucwhSI
