Why i am posting at this point....
just know that i had to get some of this out....such frustration at life events going on around me, and oh boy do they affect me beyond words.
I just don't get the jest of things today or last night and have gone now for a period of a week with around 28 hours of sleep (due to the fact this issue has been growing over aperiod of a week) and that isn't good I know but i can't stay asleep, can fall asleep but wake up to nightmares, in different rooms than i went to sleep in, and for no reason whatsoever except just can't go back to sleep......
i am pacing, irritated at the tiniest things, even sound makes me irritated if it is not something i am conducive to hearing at the moment, hearing voices and seeing ACTUAL people standing around in my home (no voices from them but the voices are from somewhere else, not sure where that is for sure, but like someone is right there in the room talking to me)
.....oh geez, i don't know just had to get this all out.
Seems my supporter of supporters just don't get it either, perhaps it IS me, but the triggers i know and they know send me off, well, they continue to do them and well, i don't think that is tryin to help too much,
and these aren't things that are something they can't STOP doing it is the little things and comments and unbelief in the illness, or WORSE blaming the illness for something they have done and then claiming it is the illness that is making me see things in another light than they meant it....
okay look know i'm not making sense here....but here is the jest of it;
There is a situation that needs, no REQUIRES, attention (involving the behavior of one of our children) and it is something that must be addressed in order to make sure the child gets the point of reprecussions for actions per say and trust me i am a very tolerant parent of many things especially in the teen years, but, uhm this is beyond acceptable and actually could be deemed illegal at the age we speak of ....underage of 18.
.....well, i felt it should be addressed and handled and proper discipline like grounding or something done, along with the fact that there are 3 failing grades coming out on the report card......so there ARE issues that ANY parent, with a condition or not, should address......
i was told i was just adament on doing so because it irritates ME, that it is my illness that intensifies the issue......NOW i ask you is that a voice of reason???WE"RE Talking a MINOR here who looks to us for guidance, direction, rules etc......and we are going back on that promise of parents by not following through with it in my opinion....my SANE opinion.....
but geez, have any of you had REAL life REAL situations that aren't your condition triggered (as this is not, for i didn't do the behavior and i didn't quit turning in my homework or quit doing it basically).....where others UTILIZE their knowledge of your illness and make the world seem YOUR fault or YOUR perspective....this is really really playing on me...big time....i do beliee it ispart of the not sleeping thing and the mania that hasn't left my side for 2 minutes except to plunge me to the depths of a dry well where i reveled in what is my point, my path, my reason, and cried awhile (amongst my oaks and elms in nature) and revived enough to come back to realization that it isn't me this time anyway, did a few breathing and coping exercises and came back to face the situation only to meet the same mindset....it is me!!
