A decade coming back to haunt me

By ctrygirl Sunday, January 18, 2009

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I need some advise from someone who has been in this situation or knows of what i should do...Here is the situation.....in 1994 i was divorced (from a very abusive VERY much so....marriage) ....I am currently married to my high school sweetheart and things couln't be better.......

UNTIL I recieved a call and a letter that was very very uhm RUDE and CRUDE and down right abusive in its text if you ask my opinion and trust me i've shown it to others and they agree..(from citibank) .here is the situation....I and my EX husband had a credit card that he decided to MAX OUT the week that we were separated and before i could contact the credit company for i had 2 kids and a lawyer and all to deal with and never dreamed he would do such a thing (duh me but hindsight 2020), well all the things he bought he gave to his mother and others that just might want something,

NOT the kids mind you of course not, but anyway, in the divorce papers signed and sealed and through the court system he was deemed to pay HALF of the CITIBANK bill....he has never paid a dime and I proceeded to make MY payments bit by bit for i had little to no income at that time and nor did i when we got the card , i was the SECONDARY card,,,,,,,

but anyway I paid portions that i could pay, and then i had my breakdown and didn't have any income whatsoever, adn STILL DON"T...he however workes for a company and makes upward of 60k a year, the kids are no longer at home so he has to pay no child support or anything except what he accrues or does in his own personal life...of which is NONE of my business and I don't want it to be...but the point being

....CITIBANK has come at me with BOTH barrels blazing, sent ME ONLY to a collection agency, even when i tried to talk to them on the phone and tell them that it was a 1/2 and 1/2 situation according to the JUDGE and the courts and taht i had paid a LARGE portion of my part already and he hasn't paid a thing, and that i have NO income!!!

......well, it has now proceeded to the point that they took it to court, WITHOUT ME BEING AWARE OF THE DATE OR THE TIME AND NOT ABLE TO BE THERE DUE TO THAT TO REPRESENT MYSELF OR EVEN GET A LAWYER (of which i can not not afford) .....that went through as me being responsible and now just yesterday i got a letter that they are seeking retribution through possessions of things I own....

trust me if the ctrygirl name don't give a hint, well, let me tell you I have nothing to take!!

even the vehicles we have are in my husbands name for he is the only one with any income which is a disability too and the funds are very tight....

I am on Medicare and Medicaid just to get my medications and be able to see my pdoc and therapists of which i know without i would fall to pieces...literally and even had to get assistance from the DJFS for my prescriptions!!! I do no know what to do....I will be going to court soon and have to present the papers of appeal TUESDAY the 2oth of this month....and then the court case will be 7-10 days from there.

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1/18/09 12:24pm

This is your former husband's responsibility. Tell Citibank that you are on SSI and that he has a job. LEt them know exactly where he works. Fax them copies of the divorce decree.

Most of all contact a lawyer, you may be able to find an advocate attorney.

I will hope and pray for you in this and in all things.

ctrygirl

1/18/09 2:07pm

Thank you so much honey, you are always so kind and YES please do pray for me, I don't get SSI though...don't get ANYTHING>..for my husband's disability is 50 bucks TOO MUCH>>YEP 50 bucks!! SO i get NOTHING WHATSOEVER>>>no monies at all!! Oh i have tried so much to explain to them and they literally LAUGHED at me when i told them i was disabled and that i got no money..the stima still rages i guess even in corporate (well especially in corporate) America....but I tried to tell them, gave them his number, name, address, place of employment and so on and on ...but they refused to pursue him and in SPITE of a JUDGE"S order.....so I will face the court...I will have my say IF and that is a big IF ...i can overcome the OCD of the crowded court room (i have issues with going out in public and only go to a select few places like the library and therapy and group therapy)....AND the anxietyattacks that plague me when i'm in stressful environments, and GOSH HELP ME that i don't go off MANIC for very rapid cycling and mixed moods or Breakdown right there for all the court room to witness forin this 2 stop light town it will be around the village in a matter of HOURS not kidding...

I'm just so scared, symptoms are HORRID and I still have today, tomorrow and then I can file the appeal AT the courthouse....ARGH!! but I HAVE to do it....please my dear friend you have always been so kind to me...please please keep praying for me....that is what will pull me through i know it and trust me i've been praying hard on this issue (well i pray everyday but this time i need his hand IN mine to get through this)...your prayers will be much appreciated and thank you for being there for reading, for listening and most of all for your faith....and help...

I have contacted a few places since posting that offer pro bono attorneys and wouldn't you know NONE of them are in this small town or even close!! closest is about 3 hours away!! but surely there is one that the court can appoint...i'll find out...unfortunately i don't have any money whatsoever to hire a good attorney so i can only pray that i get one that knows what he is doing and that will have knowledge on this area.....

please don't forget me in your prayers my friend....I really fear what my mental and physical reaction is going to be standing afront the judge with those that are so cold and harsh to my side against me.....thank you for your prayers they are much appreciated and needed....

Your friend,

ctrygirl

HeyJude

1/18/09 4:00pm

Hey Ctrygirl...I'm so very sorry to hear that things are pretty rough for you right now. Just want you to know that I will be keeping you in my prayers during this difficult time.

Yes, a court appointed lawyer should be available to you. These damn banks have become pretty desperate. You are a very intelligent woman and will certainly get thru this. God is always on our side.

I'm having some difficulties from some hospital bills 4 years ago. The insurance company should have paid them but never did. Now they won't even talk to me about paying them. So now I get calls constantly. Stressful.

I know what you mean about the social anxiety and going to court. I will pray for, as will others, and you will get thru it all. Take care and try to stay as positive as possible.

Judy

ctrygirl

1/18/09 6:56pm

THANK YOU so much,

I need that more than ANYTHING at this point, I try so hard to stay vigilant in my prayers and readings of the bible and it is such a comfort to know that he is ALWAYS with us....no matter what they do or decide in that court, well i KNOW that he is there with me and it is such a comfort my dear to hear that from you too, and to know that you will be praying for me

...please do...

i need all the comfort that i can get and i need so much to keep on believing that "this too shall pass" for i KNOW it will and no matter what the decision; it will be the path i have to follow

....I am very fearful of the public appearance and it is really affecting me symptom wise ....but that too will pass if i can just get to that day of presenting my information and seeing if they will at least give me time to get a pro bono lawyer, i looked up so much in my area and the closest is 3 hours away!!!

So i hope they will let me postpone until i can at least get representation.....since this is such a small town i know the judge and he did a lot of work for my momma when daddy passed away and he knows my character and a little about me and my family for he is also a lawyer

....I can only hope that he will at least take my PROOF of documentations, my honesty that i do still owe some of the balance, and yet not put the hammer to me and totally not see to it that they at least pursue his portion for it is more than mine!

....not sure what they can do for not one single check since 2003 has been placed in that bank account with MY name on it all is my husbands direct deposit for his disability and i don't feel that they can take HIS monies for he was no where around when this card was obtained...do you think i'm wrong on that one?????

Dear, your words were so touching and kind I just have to thank you again so much...

I am really in dire straights with my mental health right now and then of course the physical flares up right with it too due to the stress no doubt...and oh how that can reek havoc on me....always has...and this is so awful for i have to wait over the holiday too (and i've already had to use the hotline to get through last night!!) so it will be a long rest of the day and tomorrow for me

....but plan to be there as soon as the doors open, and I promise to let those of you that cared so much to post and offer me love, fellowship, kindness and advice up to date on what occurs

....doubt i'll know anything but the ins and outs of how and when come tuesday for the court date will be 7 to 10 days later.....I can only keep vigilantly praying and I thank you beyond WORDS for the prayers you have offered for me....I so need them dear and it is precious of all of you to do so for me.

I thank you honey and it really meant a lot to read your post!!

your friend,

ctrygirl

tabby

1/18/09 4:30pm

I'm about to go through the same thing.. getting a divorce from a abusive situation.

You need to know what the law is in your state concerning maritial contracts because where I live... if my ex and I were to have a credit card, he max it out, skip, and divorce judge later decreed half and half, I pay my half, ex skip again... the company can come after me for the other half.

Why? Because the company had a contractual agreement with the 2 of us to pay the bill - not with the Judge.

I'd be told, and have been once when I sought one years ago (I know, I should've but didn't), that just because a Judge orders it in a Divorce decree doesn't force the credit company to re-structure their contract with you. You would be liable for the bill as much as he BUT you could then go to court and SUE the absolute ass out of your ex for the money you paid out or is owed.

Unfortunately, it calls for an attorney and it calls for court and in that they (company) have already started on the "lien" process against your now present property or potentially seizing payments through possible garnishment... you kinda need to act fast on getting that attorney.

You really need to be check this out as soon as possible or find someone WHO YOU trust, to check into this for you.

Would you keep us posted on this? I know that may be tough to do right now but, the more you post, even about non-bipolar things, the less it builds - you know?

As far as becoming symptomatic - call on your professional team c.girl. You need them now cause we don't want you going down for the count now, ya hear?

ctrygirl

1/18/09 6:29pm

Oh tabby

I so wish you well and hope that you don't have this kind of situation that you have to deal with..no one knows just how deep an abusive relationship goes, i mean the bruises heal but the words and the acts never ever do at least i don't think so and it never seems to end the vindictiveness that they hold in their hearts and how they will do anything to make it difficult on the other that they abuse!!!

..according to a friend who works for a lawyer the statutes of limitation have already passed but it matters not....they are STILL after ME ONLY>

..and yes girl I will somehow find some consultation if i have time...believe me they are PUSHING this through like QUICK>..as in told me 5 days to respond

...my only saving grace at this point is that the monies in the bank are ALL proveable that they are my husband's income from disability...NOT MINE>>.not one single check since 2003 has been deposited with my name as the payee so that is the only good thing to know, however, they are adament on getting something (even after their big bail out!!)

...and i KNOW that the tv and the stuff i mentioned that i had are not going to satisfy them but it really is all that i own that is literally and utterly completely mine andnot my husband's, even the land we live on is his inheritance from his deceased parents....

(which we had to go to court over too for his siblings wanted to sell the WHOLE place...but we got a portion of the land and put a trailer on it that we had to renovate big time...but that is a whole other story)

....I just so fear my reaction to being afront the court for i know how i am in public....and that isn't good....but if they want the daggone television and such they sure can have it....

I SOO GET what you are saying about the contract....that totally makes sense to me now.....thank you.....very much for i just couldn't understand how come they were coming after the one that was the secondary card holder and NOT the one that maxed it out; for they have the itemization of purchases they tell me ......and so do i for i had to use it to prove to the court that i didn't purchase one single thing on that card and yet i DO have to pay half

.....so hopefully somehow I can get representation or a least have it put off until i can find an attorney that will assit me for a meager fee...for i sure don't have the money at ALL...like nothing....to pay them with,

thank goodness my SS lawyer did it on if i received money....unfortunately i didn't but did get fully favorable disability as i said...and the medical is far more worth anything that the money could have done.....EXCEPT NOW>>>for if i'd have gotten a back pay check this would not be an issue....i think they believe somehow that i did even though told them not...

but oh yeah baby beware, be very aware and very cautious in your divorce (heck i'd recommend cutting up the credit cards like NOW!! for all the charges on ours was AFTER he was booted out of the house by the sheriff and he even had a shotgun in his hand thinking it was ME!! they had 3 sets of police indifferent areas for i warned them that he threatened such and well i wasn't wrong but the sheriff took care of it)

and I so wish you the best in the outcome....it is a hard thing to go through but one word of advice if you dont mind honey...KEEP METICULOUS Records of everything, i mean everything...i had notes that he wrote threatening to kill me, i had audio tapes that he didnt know he was being recorded when being just verbally abusive, and pictures of when they physical abuse happened, and so on and on it went, i even had phone records written down as to each time he called AFTER we were apart forhe had been served papers of each and every time he called to harrass or threaten and there were FIFTY TWO police reports where he'd sneak around at night where i was living with the 2 children and try to break in..don't know his intention but once he even got as far as cutting the screen out of the window in the BR and i had the kids locked into the closet with me on the phone with the police ...it was horrid...just horrid but thank GOD they got there in time!!

i could tell you things that would give you nightmares...but let's pray and hope that yours is NOT such a situation as that...I will be praying for you dear and hoping that it all goes smoothly, some do, some can actually have divorces that just are simple and both are happy that it is over and it is over and done with....

Mine , well he said he'd kill me before i ever left him and boy did he try, fortunately the lord was with me...LITERALLY quite a few times and he didn't succeed....but not for the lack of trying so just remember to be careful and vigilant on being safe and don't let the abuse continue for i know mine did even after the separation!!!! and we weren't even in the same house ever again!!! geez.

BUT I digress, as is my way...ooops sorry...but girl, it meant so much to hear your encouraging words and yes i am seeking pro bono lawyers on line as we speak and going to ask for one tuesday when i go in..hopefuly they can postpone the decision until i get a chance to get one!!! but then again, ya never know

...i can only hope that the lord's hand is IN mine that day and I will be as honest and truthful and have all the documents i need to show all the information i am providing is the truth and nothing but....and even have his information for where he had to be garnisheed for child support back in the time that i had kids at home...so hopefully that will turn them toward his direction when they see that i have only the things i mentioned to offer them i mean really what will they do with that geez

....but I admit i DO have a balance left I DO but i DID make payments and have proof of that too...made them until no longer had a job and then without money well couldn't make payments and didn't feel it was my husbands duty to pay for my past marriage mistakes.....by the way he is my high school sweetheart that i dated from 8th grade on and oh we should have just stayed together but he went into the army and i moved on thinking we'd never cross paths again...OH THANK GOODNESS I WAS WRONG>>HE has been the rock for me at this time forOH girl, you are right....over the edge...BIG time....and this afternoon the tactiles (in form of skin sensation my first sign coming on full blown) have hit....so between him and those like YOU and HP and others on here....I will get through this even if not favorable for me....this too shall pass...i HAVE to believe that

but taking both of your all's advice and seeking counsel.....just hope in this small town that there is one that will help me out

....good thing is I know the judge and he did all the things for my momma when daddy passed away so he knows my character and he knows my family and knows that i was going through a lot even back 3 years ago when he was handling the paperwork for daddy's death and all

....so that is a plus i assume..but know better than to assume.............just please pray for me and i will also pray for you that yours is not as turmoiled and complicated and utterly ridiculous in its antics as mine was......good luck to you dear and please keep us posted as to how yours goes..

I will try very hard to keep posting and you are right, just posting to get things out really really does help....so much esp with caring people like you on the other end!!!

Thanks dear!!!
your friend

ctrygirl

thank you so much....

Eric

1/19/09 5:43am

The down and dirty...

Last I knew the only judge any bank or credit card issuing company would listen to is a bankruptcy judge. I hate to say it as it may cause more anxiety is to run a credit check to see if you might be listed on other debts between the two of you that you were not aware of.

Either way...you are responsible for the debt, they have every right to come after you which will normally cause a strain on the new relationship and their hoping that if they bother you enough...you will pay to make them go away.

The other thing to be Leary of is settling for a lesser amount than is owed. Most companies will do it, but it will still show up on your credit report as a unpaid debt.

ctrygirl

1/19/09 12:40pm

Dear Eric, thank you so much for your advice and OH YES there are other bils that he was ordered to pay solely that are still unpaid!!!! OH MY GOODNESS but I will see what i can do in the process of talking to a lawyer, but wouldn't you know that uhm well, no one in in today due to the holiday so i am pretty much in limbo right now , i don['t know what all bankruptcy would entail and what all it would do to me in the long run either, but i know that i have really tried so hard to take responsibility for the debt for I totally think we should take responsibility for our actions, however, this time it wasn't my doing, yet i was married to the uhm....PERSON....so therefore i will now face the music once again of his abuse, you know it can come in so many ways, so many....yet i am trying to keep that glass half full from the depth of this tunnel i feel i am at the bottom of but lOOKING UP at the stars and light above me...I have to believe that somehow someway those scales of justice will at least stay level and BOTH sides will be treated equally (delusional?? perhaps but hanging on just hanging on ) Your insight again has helped me and I thank you for taking the time to address this issue you always give the facts and you have helped me through other issues as well, as i'm sure you remember, thank you ...you are right that they have a right to get the remainder of my part of the balance from me but i feel that if fairness and true justice prevails, well, BOTH of us should be there but such is not the case in this incident, at least not yet, I can only hope that he too has his day in court but not depending on it or even wishing anything bad to happen to him, just want him to face his responsibilities ....the court even had to issue a garnisheement of his check to get him to pay child support for his two precious kids!!! BUT if it will satisfy anything with them they can have the material things which aren't many OR of great value, I just want to be clear of my indebtiness to them for it isn't my character to NOT pay for the things that i owe but like i said he upped to the MAX when separated until the divorce hearing and i got not one single thing from any of the "charges".....

and oh yeah anxiety if off the charts, tactiles are raging and had to even call the hotline and increase meds but must believe that once this day in court is over that "this too shall pass"

and as for my credit rating uhm that was SMASHED years ago immediately following the divorce and I even gave up the home without arguement for his money paid for the down deposit and I took only ONE of everything that we had 2 of...even left all else behind, only wanted my KIDS and OUT before someone , namely ME, was fatally hurt...but so much for trying to be "fair" ....I find i learn my lessons the HARD way anymore, well guess i always did, but dear eric i thank you for your helpful advice and IT WAS helpful!!! You are so intelligent on so many things and an asset to us all..

thanks my friend, thanks so much,

ctrygirl

LifeontheIsland

1/19/09 9:15am

Some battered women's advocates know of lawyers who will work for you for a minimal fee, or for free. Call around the see if you can find a advocate group who can refer you to this kind of service. Even if you are currently not being abused, this situation has resulted from being abused in the 1990's. They should be able to help you.

This is how I found my lawyer for my divorce from an abusive man.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you! I will pray for you and I will NEVER use Citibank EVER!

~Cathy

A decade coming back to haunt me

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