The lighthouse

I am posting this basically to vent and get some things out of my head. I am a person who really likes to write, as some of you know by the length of my posts of my replies and I apologize if it ever gets too long, I DO try to restrain myself but oh the words just keep leaking from my brain to the fingertips and almost as if i have no control!

I am going through a very very stressful time right now as many of you already know, but I also am very good at utilizing my coping skills....or USED To be it seems , for some reason an intensely stressful situation or an arguementive or uncomfortable environment can literally send me reeling. 

 I know that stress can affect a bp....and i know it can trigger a lot of symptoms in us for I am an education ADDICT and learn a lot about our disorder....but my problem being,

 HOW does one overcome when even the coping skills, the HOTLINE, the thought and meditation attempts do not work?? when this world overruns even our ability to use what skills we do have to deal with this disorder by its greed, its thinking always within the "normal" box (they call it anyway), the monetary obsession, the ignorance or sheer unattention to what they do to their fellow man/woman......the ones touched with creativity, unique ideas, inventive ideas, artistic ability, dreamers, creators, and on and on it goes....

Do they not see the tree for the forest?? Do they not see the blade of grass for the wholeness of the lawn? do they not see the intricate details all around us?? the grains of the sand that make up the beach? the small twinkle that makes up part of the milkway? Oh i don't know why I am posting such things but my frustration level is far up , my tolerance way down, my coping skills simply out to lunch, and I just don't know anymore, how much can one take?? I can even feel my heart beating different, my blood moving through my viens, the weight of the clothing on my body along with each and every seam that they hold, each sound is a sonic boom, each light like staring into a lighthouse bulb......

but that  is just it....the lighthouse....

the lighthouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ONE shining light i must turn to in times like this....we all must realize it is there all the time, I knew writing was therapeutic for me

,,,,but in the process of just letting my fingers flow over the keyboard, i have found my own answer...the ONE light.....the one that has been with me all my life and will never leave me...I must focus on that when times such as these plague me....

I know my issues are not life threatening and  I should be thankful, I know that no one can take away my memories and love i have within and from others, i know that NOTHING can change the love i have for my SAVIOR , and i know no human or situation or environment can keep him at bay...

I also know that i am creative, maybe not in everyone's eyes and that is the beauty of creativity,

 I know that I am a PERSON FIRST<

i know that i am appreciative, awed, and inspired by natural things around me in nature, I know that I am who I've always been and that is different...but that is ALRIGHT for the lighthouse shiines the same for us all!!