I am tired and sick at the moment, but I had to get this off my chest. Us bipolars don't have minds like everyone else and therefore we don't think like everyone else. I find the struggle frustrating, but at the same time elating. I know it must seem odd to feel this way, but in a way being bipolar is special because we think in ways others cannot. Nevertheless, it is still frustrating because we cannot convince everyone else to see things the way we see them. I read something the other day that made me feel a bit inspired. It was a listing of some of the most well known bipolars throughout history. On the list was Issac Newton, Lord Byron, Teddy Roosevelt, Andrew Hamilton, van Gogh and a few other historic greats. They all managed to be successful and helped shape our world today. I also read that it is of those that were bipolar throughout history and going forward is the reason humanity continues on and survives. We think of things and put together things that others cannot. I just wish the rest of the world knew this and then maybe we wouldn't get treated so poorly. I liken this to a mangy dog that is set outside just to be ignored just simply because he isn't like the other dogs when all that dog needs is a good bath, some meds, and some genuine love, patience, and caring. I know a lot of others that post on here say that it is like us against the rest of the world (aka jerks) and I feel the same way. That brings on the frustration part. I mostly get "what the hell is wrong with you?" or "you must have been high on caffeine when you thought of this..." to "you're overreacting" to "just snap out of it"...all because I do, say, and think of things that the average "normal" person wouldn't think of or comprehend and deem such things as ludacris while it seems purely rational to me. That is when the battle begins. I don't know what is rational anymore. Just because I think it is rational and it makes sense to me doesn't mean that it makes sense to everyone else. Who has the power to decide that? Apparently the rest of the world has that power. Its my mind vs. the rest of the world. It's a battle I rarely win not only with the rest of the world but within my own mind. Its like the two hemispheres of my mind have waged war against the other, but one side has come to war with a meager army without any weapons to defend itself, "I'll fight you with my shoe!"sure that would go well against some real firepower...anyway its my analogy of the bipolar brain...it is missing certain factors and is wired differently. I find myself losing myself to the darkness day by day and struggling to survive it all. I used to be so sure of myself. I knew who I was and now I am so confused. I am headed in a downward spiral  and no one can save me except me and some really good medication (still trying to find the right one). I wish I could be hypomanic all the time. At least then I would be blissfully or ignorantly happy or irritated. I am at my best when I am manic. Too bad there has to be consequences. Then being hypomanic wouldn't be a problem at all.