During my manic stage, I had the delusion that I was a mermaid. Despite the fact that I was a 49 year old professional woman, I had answers to the question about why I never knew I was a mermaid before that time. I'ts amazing what a brain can come up with. I'm writing a blog about my experience and would appreciate any comments.
My husband heard you speak at the FTF meeting in November. He's one of the course leaders. He did FTF himself because of my severe mental illness. I have chronic, deep depression. It's been 10 years, and has robbed me of who I used to be. I've been hospitalized, had ECT and tried MANY medications. I totally understand where your coming from. Although, I must admit I never thought I was a mermaid. 
I'm learning through therapy the difference between resigning myself to always being depressed, or accepting the fact that I am currently depressed. It's a profound difference, and difficult to grasp, especially if it's gone on for so long. The brain is sooo complicated - sheesh! Takes too much work!!
Sounds to me like you're heading in the right direction. AWESOME! You go girl and keep up the blog.
Thanks for your kind words and for reading my blog. I really enjoyed that speaking engagement. I got a lot out of it, and really felt like my experience with mental illness was of use to someone outside myself. I'm very sorry to hear about your depression. Ten years is forever. Thankfully, I have only experienced that horrible, horrible thing a few times. The worst one was when I was on a major dose of Haldol. It is highly significant that once the Haldol was discontinued, I was one of the fortunate ones: it went away. That proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the depression was a chemical imbalance. Literally. I have a few suggestions for you, but you've probably already done this stuff. 1. Get treated by a psychiatrist, not a regular doctor. 2. Realize that it takes at least a month before you know whether a med works for you. 3. Realize that it won't be just one drug that's going to work in all liklihood. It will be a combination of drugs. 4. Keep up the good work in therapy. 5. Keep trying. I know it's difficult, but keep trying various medications while you're in therapy. Again, thanks for the positive feedback!
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it is okay to dream and everyone has them. it is the reality of them that is the delusion. a dream isn't a hallucination. so if you want to be a mermaid, go fot it. i think all of that is cool!
respectfully,
dark angel
Thanks for the interesting and thoughtful response, Dark Angel. I would like to add that dreams don't generally harm others, but delusions usually do. My delusion that I was a mermaid caused my family much pain and suffering. I had no doubt whatsoever that my feet had webbing between the toes and were actually fins. That was my delusion. But my family had to cope with this. What do you do when your wife, daughter, sister, friend, and mother checked out of reality and slipped completely into a fantasy world? When it looks like she'll never return to you? It was beyond a dream for my family: it was a nightmare. Dreams don't generally harm others, but being a mermaid hurt many people. And yet being a mermaid was my reality until my medication brought me back to their world. Fascinating but sad.
Good response! Mom