Well, I don't know how to begin this post, because I have been sitting here, staring at the screen for five minutes trying to come up with a beginning to this hopefully, not drawn out, opinion of what I have read on here. Well, I wouldn't say opinion, I guess, more like just a blog of my thoughts. Okay, it is fairly obvious that I really don't do anything like this, and I actually don't blame anyone if they get half way through this and think, "what the hell is she going on and on about??".
Grrr...enough of that intro then, here I go.
I am not too new here, been a member for awhile, really haven't paid much attention to this site even though being a member, until one day I woke up and realized how screwed up my life really could be if I didn't have the people in my life that I do. So, for the past week or so, I have been trying to come on here everyday and see what all of u have been posting and reading everyone's point of view on how to handle the not so glamourous effects of this disorder.
So here is a little bit of my story:
I was diagnosed with Bipolar II in 2004, by our family doctor. Have been on a number of different med cocktails, have stopped taking my meds a couple of times in the past four years, have had two "full blown" manic episodes in the past two years, have put my boyfriend and children through hell, also most of my extended family, have lied, spent money essessively (which I took out of my boyfriends' and my joint checking account without his knowledge), cheated on him and every person I have ever had a relationship with, ....I guess basically the text book symptoms of bipolar. 
Except for the drug and alcohol abuse in some cases. Have never done any drugs (except for rx, of course), and haven't drank in almost five years.
I recently went onto the Friends and family of a bipolar person forum, and read a post that asked if you were able to do it all over again, would you. After I got done reading all of the replies, part of me felt like such a waste of human being because most of the actions discussed were dead on with my actions in the past, but then another part of me felt like the luckiest person on this earth. Due to the fact that my boyfriend and kids haven't giving up on me. I guess maybe it is different because my boyfriend and I have only been together for four years, and my children are 4 and 9 years old, so hasn't been years and years of dealing with me. Currently, I am taking my meds, going to my psychitrist every week, and really haven't been putting myself in any kind of social situations, due to the risk of triggering anything and plus the fact that I am dealing with some pretty extreme anxiety.
My boyfriend has been the rock in my/our whole experience with this disorder, and I don't know if that makes him a complete idiot in other's eyes, or one hell of a strong person. In my eyes, he is the most honest, strong willed, independent person I have ever met in my life and so many of those thoughts have gone through my head of how he could be with someone who doesn't have this and won't put him through agony. We don't have kids together (my kids are from previous relationships), we are not married, don't own anything jointly, so he really wouldn't have anything tangible to lose. He is very attached to my children, so I can see in that aspect of him wanting to work through this, but a little bit of me everyday is growing to believe that some of his dedication is me.
