How Are You?

I think that it is a social ritual of our time. We all do it when we meet someone most time without thinking perhaps just to say how is everything going? And often we say fine meaning that our life is fine everything is in order.

It is a terrible social custom to ask: How are you? People who suffer from Depression or Bipolar fear this word. I used to fear this word. What could I say I am well when inside I feel like someone in my family has died like something terrible is going to happen?

But it is mostly an involuntary social custom a stupid and insensitive custom. Here in Australia we are suppose to smile and say : "I am well (or fine) thank you". Imagine giving someone a big smile when one is depressed. It is ridiculous

If it is someone I am "used" to, in that it isn't someone I'm meeting for the very first time or is strictly business, I may then ask "Do you really want to know how I am or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?" WHEN I'm in a very bad place mood wise.

This always throws the person off guard and causes them to lose focus for a few seconds OR if it is someone who I really don't want to engage in pleasantries with.. causes them to generally run or briskly walk away from me.  Only on occasion does a person say "Well of course I want to know how you really are doing."  To that I then smile and say "but, are you prepared to hear how I'm really doing?"

I hate when folks I know or have known ask me this question never really interested in truly how I'm doing.  I used to answer in the social graciousness I was raised in to say "fine, thank you and how are you?" so as to not burden them with my true situation.  Yet, as I've gotten older and my depressions have lingered longer, and I've gotten more tireder because of them, I just don't have much energy in me to be so utterly superficial anymore.

If my face reads, and my body language reads, that I'm in a low depressed state of being as I've been told off and on by various souls in the past... then why ask me how I'm doing if you honestly don't care to know?

Course, sometimes I do answer that "I'm F.I.N.E."

F = F----d Up

I = Insecure

N = Neurotic

E = Emotional

I think I always say great or fine for a few reasons.  One is - I wish I were.  Another is - I dont want anyone to worry.

And third - ughh - if you arent fine they try to fix you - and although the thought behind it may be sweet - they are not trained professionals and have no idea how to fix me - I dont even know how to fix me

So really I have a few close people that I will be honest with and my therapist.  Everyone else gets the good, how are you?

Usually people ask just to be asked back too - so they then go off about themselves and I can continue on with my day.

Funny - I never really thought about this before you asked....thanks!