Monday, July 16, 2007
from what i have learnt personally .i have found that the rougher the road we travel with our biopolar other depends on how well they are willing to manage there illness .and if they trully acept the diagnoses .we can think its finally justifycation for all the trama , drama and all the other things this rollercoaster has to throw at us . in trying to help, we have finally found the cause of all the problems in our relationship the cause of all the sleepless nights .the tears that have fallen so many time s ,the cause of our insanity when we think we have finally lost the plot .or that they have .but aside from the illness we have a relationship ,and when the biopolar other doesnt accept there illness it gets really hard to tell the difference between whats part of the illness and whats their personality .for every broken promise for every time our heart has been broken it s just to easy to put it down to the illness .we are helpless in trying to make them see they need to address the situation with the commitment it needs to have a stable treatment of the illness and the symptoms of life style that comes with it .but ultamitly its their illness and they have to own it so they can manage it .comments like i feel like im being analized to me is an indication that they dont want to look at their life and the route they have taken .my cross roads is do i want to follow like a lamb to the slaughter or be in control of my own destiny ,do whats right for me let my biopolar other make the desion for themselves on how they want to manage there diagnosis .when they get to their cross roads thats their decision to make .......support is one thing responsability is completely another ..h
just a thought!
I've read and reread your post several times. Each time, what comes to thought is how you appear to be light years ahead of me in figuring out this illness and its impact on your relationship. You state a good sound case for protecting ourselves and our sanity first; however, in the end it appears you are still in the struggle as much as I am. It is one thing to know what should be done and another thing on being able to get it done.
I tend to change my feelings on what I need and should do. Sometimes I feel very selfish and say to myself how dare he think he can change his mind after 28 years of marriage and do this to me and our family. Then, I say I'm not letting him off the hook that easily. Other times, I know this is crazy and I just want to have some peace in my life. It is difficult to make the final decision. I hope I can find the courage to make the right choice for myself and I wish you the same.