mammie4allie

By shelley Saturday, September 27, 2008

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hi! i am 41 yrs old soon to be 42 on the 29th of sept. right now i am so depressed i take elavil for sleep & about 3 weeks ago i o'd'ed on them but got out of being admitted to hospitol by saying i just wanted to sleep a migraine off, i'm supposed to be taking 100mg of lamictal & 80mg of geodon daily i stopped lamictal about 1yr ago but took the geodon i'm also taking klonipin 2mg in AM & 2mg PM plus i take 0.05mcg of synthroid daily, 25mg of zoloft i have taken all of these but for about 2 weeks now i stopped taking my geodon i'm tired of fighting this disease, tired of putting my loved ones through this & i'm tired of being over-weight that is the main reason i stopped taking the lamictal & geodon. i noticed i'm getting very parinoined about every one & everything i'm @ the very bottem i was depressed even before i stopped the meds i figured why take them if i still feel this way? i have a really great husband & 2 sons who i know don't deserve having to "baby-sit" me. i'm writing this just to meet other ppl w/ this wonderful disease as i'm very lonely no one understands my family are @ their wits end & they just want me to get over it hopefully, by writing this i'll meet ppl like myself... please reply shelley

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Hopeful mom

9/28/08 7:14am

You shouldn't be medicating yourself. If you want to go off some of your meds, you need to do it with your doctor's help. You can't just pick and choose what to take. Sounds like you need to make an appointment with your psych. and go through what you're taking and try to work toward more stability. Lamictal doesn't cause weight gain. It's the only drug my son has taken that doesn't affect his appetite in any way, shape, or form.

I understand you're being tired of going through this. I'm not the one with bipolar but I too lose sleep and get exhausted from the ups and downs of this disease. The best thing you can do for your family is to make and keep regular appointments with a therapist and psych. doctor.

You need to be proactive in your own care to relieve the burden on your family.

Good luck to you and feel free to post anything on your mind. This site is wonderful for unburdening yourself.

shelley

9/28/08 11:27am

thanks so much for your input, i know i shouldn't self-medicate, but i have a friend that has this & she is on nothing & seems to be doing well, yes i'm going down hill @ a very fast rate i don't think it's my bi-polar making me depressed it's my life....

tabby

9/28/08 7:36am

I grasp the concept of not taking the Geodon due to weight gain. It generally does cause this. Lamictal, however, is supposed to be weight neutral.

The biggest concern that I have though is that you aren't taking a mood stabilizing agent and are only on anti-depressants (elavil & zoloft) and a tranquilizer (klonopin). A lot of folks will say that if you have Bipolar, taking ADs and not having a mood stabilizing agent (like Geodon, Lithium, Lamictal, etc..) isn't going to do ya much good. In addition, the Klonopin is a downer. ADs can go both ways with folks with Bipolar. They can either send one soaring into mania or drowning in depression.

So, you've taken out your mood stabilizing agent and replaced it with only ADs and a tranquilizer that may very well be causing the increase in your depressive symptoms. I'm with Hopeful Mom on this one. You need to get in with your psychiatrist, tell him or her that you don't want the weight gain, that you are suicidal (ODing on Elavil), and that you need help.

He/she may want you to be hospitalized but sug... sug listen... it might be the very best thing for ya. You got children and a family and the illness, the darkness of the illness is telling ya you are a burden but I guarantee, sug I do, that your family really doesn't think you are. If you had succeeded in your ODing, they would be left here without you and I truly honestly don't believe that's what they would really want.

You need to seek help ASAP, be straight up with the psychiatrist - no fudging the details, and allow them to help you because you can be pulled up out of this darkness if you'll just work with those who can help you. PLEASE seek help immediately.

We, in the Bipolar family, do not want to keep losing good people to this illness. Your family does not need or want the burden they will undoubtedly bear if you leave them.

shelley

9/28/08 11:32am

thanks for your reply do you know of any other mood stabilizer that don't coz weight gain? my next appt w/ my dr is on the 15th of oct i hear what you are saying but its just so hard! thanks again....

tabby

9/28/08 2:57pm

it's only as hard as you make it to be Shelly

If you are in a bad dark place and have already attempted suicide recently, you need help NOW not Oct. 15th. The longer you go - the possibility of another attempt rises and the next one, may actually succeed.

Go to your local ER if you've told your pdoc you were in crisis and he/she still won't see you till the 15th. I have a feeling though, you haven't contacted him/her or their emergency service nor told him/her you are in crisis - which you are.

It's only as hard as you make it to be.

shelley

9/30/08 2:26pm

thanks for the advice it really hit hard but that is exactly what i needed went to dr he started me back on lamictal i'm just glad that i'll start feeling better depressing is hard thanks once again keep in touch!

Trying2bNormal

9/30/08 1:05pm

Hi, I'm not as wise as the rest on here but I haven't been on meds for 7 years until last week. I finally had to give in to myself and get the help of meds. It's very hard for me to accept that I can't do it on my own always. Everybody's body, needs and situation are different. What keeps me going is that I know I can't live like I was going for the past 6 months. I was in physical pain from "running" around and not being able to live in this fast pace and focus. I am trying to accept that gaining weight, or stepping down in my job won't hurt me in the long run. I had to get my priorities straight, and my mental well being is better for my family and kids in the long run. I will have time later when the situation changes to continue my other goals. It is very hard, hope you keep your chin up!

shelley

9/30/08 2:23pm

things are going better talked to my dr he put me back on lamictal, i thought i could handle things w/out meds also that was a horrible thing to do, i now know i need those meds to handle & cope, it was very hard for me to hear i had a mental problem, still is @ times, but i'm trying i know i can't blame all my problems on my bi-polar, i have a wonderful family that knows when my meds aren't working or just other symptons like you said "keep your chin up" i know it's frusting @ times.... thanks for the reply keep in touch...

bipolarbear

10/ 1/08 3:03pm

I am glad you are doing better. I know how frustrating the weight gain can be, but the people who love you aren't basing their love on whether you are as thin as a Hollywood starlet. There is much more to you than the number on the scale! My suggestion is that you may want to find a support group in your area. I find going to one really helps: I have been going to mine nearly two years and it is just so great to have people to talk to who have so much background info already. Hang in there.

bipolarbear

10/ 1/08 3:04pm

Oh and Happy Birthday!

mammie4allie

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