I am 59, and my daughter is 25.  I have been a special ed teacher working with emotionally disturbed/behavior disordered students since 1977 (with a 19 year break to raise my daughters) so I had some knowledge of mental illness and how it presents. 

When she was young, say 3-6 or 7, she was obviously rapid-cycling, but back then they did not know that bipolar presents that way in children.  She would be deliriously happy, higher and higher, and my husband and I would just look at each other; we knew that any minute she would crash into sobs and oppositional-defiant behavior.

At age 15, my daughter was diagnosed with ADD, along with atypical depression and oppositional-defiant disorder, after she was expelled from high school for drug possession.  She, my husband and I went through a months-long drug program, with group, shared and individual counseling.  She sat there and gained nothing.  She spent 13 years, from age 12 to just recently, abusing and dealing drugs and alcohol, living "on the road", etc., and we suffered with her.  She just recently came off "the road", put herself in detox, and we have established a much better relationship.

18 months ago, when I began to struggle with the demands of being a teacher and sought help, I was diagnosed with ADD and dysthymia, followed by diagnoses of bipolar 2 and generalized anxiety with obsessive-compulsive behaviors.  This stuff definitely runs in families.

Looking back on it, I really wish we had pursued diagnosis and treatment for her at a much earlier age, which is something I want you to consider doing with your daughter.  In my opinion, the sooner you know what you and she are dealing with, the less likely it is that your daughter will waste years of her life suffering and running away from something she does not understand and cannot control.

Meantime, I know a very simple (but not easy) technique for dealing with "button pushing", which is another way of saying oppositional-defiant, behavior.  First, you keep the tone, volume and speed of your speech absolutely level, and always polite.  No matter what she says or does, how loud she gets, you speak politely with an even tone, volume, and speed.  It takes a while to master this, but I am bipolar, and I have done this when my daughter spat in my face and screamed obscenities 6 inches from my face.  Once you can do this, use the "broken record" technique.  Whatever it is you want to say to her, or ask her to do, you just repeat exactly the same words (politely), in the same tone, no matter what tangents she tries to take you on or how long it takes.  This works best when she wants something which you have control over.  "When the dishes are clean, we can ......" or "When you've finished your homework, you can ....."  When is better than "if"; sounds less like a bribe.  It will take a while at first, as you and your daughter learn new behaviors, but in the end it will greatly decrease the conflict between you.  Make sure DAD learns how to do it too; there won't be any buttons left to push!

Good luck, and read, read read!!!  There's tons of information and good advice out there, both on the net and in books.