scared of inevitable crash

"i will not take meds anymore, and i fear talking to anyone (prof)because i do not want hospitalization at all. i have no friends and essentially no real family to talk to either. i am lost. my only recourse is the help from people on sites such as this which is a great help, but im scared of what is about to come and i feel like im spinning faster and faster"

just some thoughts i had while reading your sharepost... all they are... well, are thoughts and they can be taken with a grain of salt if you wish... just thoughts, that's all

i'm only replying cause it seems no one else has of yet

you say you are pretty new to the realization of being diagnosed with the disorder

and you go on to say that you realize you are in a state of hypomania and are loving it in comparison to the depressions you have and just recently had

you also recognize that the last depression you had was extremely difficult to pull through and through your reading on the disorder... you know depression will return

you state your anxiety and fear of another bout

yet you refuse to talk to any professionals (psychiatrist and/or therapist) because you don't want to be hospitalized and you refuse any medications

and are relying solely on folks behind computer screens to help you get through what you know is coming just around the corner

seems that while you acknowledge being pretty new to the realization you have not yet fully "gotten it" that you have been diagnosed... seems by your written statements that you are still in denial and being in denial does close the mind to those potential avenues of assistance when needed

bipolar is a ever changing mistress of a disorder

you say you recognize being in hypomania and are enjoying it... okay, nothing really wrong there at the moment

but, depression for many does not always immediately follow

sometimes, for some, tripping into a full blown mania happens

sometimes, for some, mixing happens (where you have mania & depression)

and then for some... yes, depression comes and it comes relatively hard and quick to many

longer one typically goes untreated or undertreated, the harder and harsher the mistress plays with your mind and in truth...either direction or in both directions at the same time is far from pleasant for the individual in reality, and all those surrounding them

relying solely on blips on a lighted up screen to be your lifeline is not always a good thing

sure, it's nice to converse with folks who get what might be going on and to realize you are not completely by yourself in this journey

yet, we are only blips on a lighted up screen... pixels

and as you've noticed here... you do not always get replies or not as quick as you'd hope

or

not the ones you may have been expecting

what you do and how you live your life is completely up to you and to you to decide...

only you know your life

just know that there is help available in your community and there is treatment of various sorts

and I pray that you will have mercy during your next go through of whichever direction it takes you and that you will stay safe

Do you think it is wise to not take medication when you need it the most, to stop all that emotional roller coaster? If you don't take any medication that your Pdoc prescribed you, how can you avoid feeling lost and alone? Don't forget that these are the symptoms of depression.

You will feel lost and with extreme emotional pain and most likely avoiding people.

Fight it, don't give up, fight back. Take your medication and wait for them to help you get well again, don't let it win you ok?

We are here, when and if you need us, please take your medication, we all do it in order to be in balance, we are warriors, we fight. Your perception gets altered without the meds.

Alex

try to stay calm, it will pass.  i have been there all too many times...but i got used to it and worked on my congitive-behavioral therapies and lessened it a bit.  try to make the best of it by doing things that make you feel better.  i just smoke it away! or sleep it off...irr but when i feel it coming i pay attention to what is causeing it and try to deal without jepordizing my health--i after figuring out what is going on i can change the outcome by change the emotions and thinking and by dealling first before it happens and it won't happen.  or then just let it happen and ride with it.

darkangel