I have found support groups to be the best way to handle living with and taking care of others (my son, aged 25 also is bi-polar - I am still a "newbie" although I was dx'd 4 years ago). For the first time this year, I have now experienced hypomania. This is a lot worse than depression because depression I know from having suffered all my life. Perhaps I've had hypomanic episodes but didn't recognize them. I am a "kid" (age 53) from the proverbial 60's - did my drugs and drinking back in the 70's like a lot of my generation. I had a affairs, had a grand time. I got married and divorced several times.
It's only now that I realize my life has never been normal. Maybe one could say, well what is normal? But as I look back, I don't think that the life I lived would have necessarily been the life I would have chosen. Was I bi-polar then (risky behavior, hypersexuality, impulsiveness) or just a product of my generation? I don't know the answers. The depression came as my life spun more and more out of control. I never felt like I had choices in my life. The people in my life (including my husbands and kids) controlled my thoughts and feelings and I had no control over anything, thus depression started and stayed with me for most of the 90's through now.
I have been co-dependent due to many reasons having been caretaker to a very sick (physically and then mentally) husband and bi-polar son and putting my own needs aside for the last 17 years. My daughter escaped the madness (thank goodness) and is a senior in college.
It's only now that I'm able to understand myself for the first time in a very long time. My husband has passed away (although I'm still grieving terribly after being married for 16 years and not all of it were bad). My high-functioning bi-polar son, age 25 (that's another whole "book") sitll lives with me and has his problems. But the support groups I'm attending for depression and one for bi-polar has helped so much.
Both my son and I work - it is our salvation and keeps us from dwelling on our disorders. We also use our humor and can find fun in many things including ourselves sometimes and even the bad things.
Is this the life we would have chosen? Definitely not. I miss having a husband and he wishes he had a relationship. We both get lonely for what we missed out on. But sometimes there's no easy answers.
I sincerely hope if you ever have the chance to learn how using cognitive therapy techniques can help to make a little difference in the chaotic world we live in.
Keep up the good work and thanks for posting something positive to what can be deemed terrible by most and letting people know that support groups can help.
I am sadden to hear about your husband and it must be a terrible loss for both you and your son, but at least you have each other to lean on during the difficult times and both have some insight to what the other must be feeling.
You say your daughter escaped the madness…there is never a total escaped and being un-scaved. I would expect she is having similar feeling of the loss and sometimes just getting a phone call from mom saying….”I understand and am here for you…and I love you” can mean so much.
Hi Eric:
Thanks for your kindness and understanding about our loss. It's been just over a year since his passing and some days are harder than others. But he was so sick (7 heart attacks and addiction to hydrocodone) and as much as we miss him, a lot of the stress we had was in dealing with him (don't mean to sound cold, believe me, I am not a cold person). There is sadness, anger, grief, and relief after he was gone which made us (well, me) feel guilty for feeling relief but Bob was a 24 hour a day type person and with working full time there were days when I thought I couldn't take anymore, spending at least 1 weekend each month at the ER due to chest pain, overdoses on pain pills, you name it.
When I said she escaped the madness I meant she is very well-balanced, mentally healthy, has lots of friends, does well in school - thank goodness. We are as close as mother and daughter can be as she is only an 1-1/2 away so we see each other quite frequently and talk every other day. She tells me about things that remind her of dad and it's very sweet. I am very thankful and feel lucky to have such a wonderful daughter and son, too. He just has a harder road to climb due to all the hardships of having bp. One of these days he'll make it and I just hope I'm around to see it...