Well, it's the day after my boss "pulled me off the floor".  I've been a 911 operator for 2 years and this is my 2nd time that I've been pulled from the floor.  This time, its because of my inability to "process", my "getting lost" doing something that I've done for 2 years.  It's because I am "confused" while I am talkign to the caller, how crazy can that be?? I've been here almost 3 years.  My boss told me that ever since I came back to work about 2 months ago, I just haven't been the same.  Not the same witty and on-it calltaker that I was before.  "you're not the same Genna, " she told me.  And you know what.. I know that what she is saying is true.  I know that when I am on a call here lately, I sound unsure, like I can't even remember a simple word..a word that is as natural as water is to drink.  So, long story short, I've been moved to doing administrative work.  Sure to advise me this couldn't last long ( admin work), my boss let me know that I couldn't be on the floor and be a danger to anyone. That really stung me, but I knew it was true. Yet, it seemed an embarrasing sting and obviously widely-discussed amongst my peers.. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE BIPOLAR II and BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?? Why can't I be a normal provider for my family.. Just another blah in the workplace as far as my performance and not stand out like a pink NO-NO sign.  I pretended like it wasn't a big deal when my boss was explaining why she was removing me from the job that I love to do.  But it hurt like heck.  It angered me.  So, in order to follow with her "suggestions," I went today to see my psychiatrist.  "Hello, how are you today?  May I please have your $25 co-payment." That's the normal greetiing and then in to see the shrink.  Todyas accomplishments, well, we are gonna try to take me off of Adderal, the one thing that seems to keep me active, and see if that is causing my distracted thinking.  I just started Lithium 2 weeks ago.  I've been diagnosed since 2001.. Knowing I had a mental illness ever since I was much much younger.  Well, now that I've shared my embarrasement as far as providing for my children and staying active and stable in the workforce.. I guess that I'll conclude this so that you can move on to more interesting things.  Thanks for reading.. Talk to you tomorrow!!!~~Genna