Saturday, June 06, 2009
I am 55 years old and have experienced the highest of highs and
the lowest of lows. Three generations in my family have suffered
with bipolar disorder. I believe my bipolar disorder has given me
the gift of creativity, I appreciate this gift. I wrote a book about
what life was like growing up with people who never recieved
treatment. I wrote about the difference treatment can make. My
book is at the publishes now,it will be out in September. I hope
someone would like to enjoy my book,it is a beautiful story! I
believe that those of us who suffer from this illness have been
given gifts to compensate. I appreciate this chance to share
with others.
Wow! I'd like to take whatever you're taking. That's not the Bipolar Disorder I know and live out. In spite of currently taking Lamictal, Lexapro and Serequel, I feel like bipolar Disorder is an evil, destructive, malicious rapist. A rapist of the most violent kind because it makes me feel useless, hopeless, degraded and demoralized. I've tried so many combinations of drugs, currently see a psychologist twice a week, but i feel like there just isn't an answer to me. The thing that sucks about Lamictal is that it totally took the runner's high away. Manic episodes are awesome. it's when I have been the most optimistic, it put me thru college the second time as an adult. I graduated Summa cum Laude from a private college, top of my class. And I did it all the while raising 3 kids by myself (I'm divorced) and working full time...because I'm divorced and my incredibly suckish ex-husband is so far in arreas on child support it doesn't even matter anymore because the oldest 2 are 17 and 18. Regardless, I don't want to be saved by a damn man anyways. Boys are dumb. This is what I mean, its not me. I just don't get why people cling so hard to life. What the hell is so great about it? I go back to college to make a better living for my babies and all I have to show for it are student loans the size of Texas that I can't pay. And to add insult to injury, the creditors that call me daily, have move on from being jerks to now being complete assholes. When I'm trying to hang on for dear life and they are being inhumanely abusive...it isn't really helping the cause. I'm at where do I go, who do I talk to? How do I survive? I hate surviving.