Learned to not ask "why" anymore... just want out of this mess

By NewBride Wednesday, November 19, 2008

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Still trying to get thru my impending divorce and anullment, and it just keeps getting worse. My BP ex has now stopped paying his 1/2 of the mortgage (the house is on the market for sale) even though our lawyers agreed upon that arrangement. So I am covering it with credit cards so I don't loose the house. I just found out he's hiding $5k in a new bank account, he bought a new car, and won't get back to us regarding his finances or 401k or anything we've asked for. He is prolonging this and costing us thousands in lawyer fees for no reason.

Today I find out he is firing his lawyer cause he doesn't want to pay for the service... who does that!?!?! I have no idea what is going on anymore, but just want this done already, and over with. He has been calling me and texting me but I won't look at or listen to his messages - they are irrelevant at this point. They only hurt me no matter what they say. I can't even see where this man is coming from anymore... logic just doesn't apply. I just want this over with. Me and my family have been put thru enough.

It's finally over....

Comments (11) | Add comment

KodyD

11/19/08 5:27pm

SO What, i guess your going to blame all your problems on your x being bipolar too, go away. wah wah wah.

Canadian Boy

11/19/08 6:01pm

Hang on a second there wah wah wah!! I've been where this lady is coming from. Often when individuals with bi-polar are in episode-mode they are completely unrealistic and reality evades them, cut her some slack. She's confused and upset. She's losing her marriage and quite possibly her home. This very unfortunate situation requires love, support and more often than not, the help of caring professionals to help both parties back on their feet. Understanding requires extreme patience and education. I'm feeling nothing but sympathy for this woman. Take it from a guy who lives with bi-poloar and destroyed his own marriage!!

KodyD

11/19/08 8:02pm

Well since ya put it that way. , i never bought into all that hype, yeah we sleep around, yeah were a bit mean at times, but so is anyone else who is not labeled, completely normal people do the exact same things.

I see the true parts we suffer from, laying in bed not wanting to live, dealing with public who you dont want to see, paranoia and stress ruling daily functions. Some people have to take responsibilty for their own actions. I never bought into all that ruined marriage crap, it takes two to ruin a marriage and a mortage. Its easy to label the one with bp as a crutch or a ruined marriage and it happens everyday.

Vicki

11/20/08 12:46pm

Wow, Kody D did you really read the share post? Defensive wouldn't you say about your comment. Wah Wah for you because you really don't get it. New Bride writes my story but I'm too the point that the man I truly loved has DIED and I mourn and grieve the loss everyday of my life. My husband was in denial about the bipolar. Went on meds and then off. The demon that has consumed his life has put my life thru a living hell. Women deal with emotion and when something is wrong with your spouse or children it is very normal to jump in and help. I would have given a body part for my husband but I felt that I was handcuffed and couldn't do a thing. The last 7 years has been a theme park and the roller coaster ride has been a nightmare.A spouse will never quit asking "WHY? because of the love they have within but will move on to put the whole experience behind them. We are not failures but have come across a challenge in life that we need to move on. If the person with bipolar is not in denial, hope & God are there & so are there spouses. With denial, pack your stuff and run for the hills. These are my personal feelings and opinions.

KodyD

11/20/08 4:19pm

yeah i read it loud and clear apparently you didnt

NewBride

11/21/08 4:34pm

Thank you CanadianBoy. I would really like to talk to you if you have a moment. I would really like the perspective of someone in your situation who does actually realize what they have done (and maybe has remorse about it now that you have clarity perhaps?) - because right now my ex does not realize anything (it's still a fairly new diagnosis and he has only been on meds since May). Please message me.

Thanks,

NewBride

Vicki

11/20/08 1:06pm

Hi New Bride-Wow, I filed for divorce from my bp husband. The house was suppose to go up for sale and then he changed his mind. He was going to come over and gut the house and take everything. At one point, I said the hell with it take it all because what I've been emotionally put thru isn't worth all this stuff. I don't take his calls or texts because its part of the on going mental abuse. He wants the connection. Best thing hes out of my house. I don't miss the degrading. No physical abuse just verbal/mental. Sadly he never could remember. My sons and even the dog are much calmer. I do have selective memories of the husband that I loved and cherished but realize he died. The memories will always be treasured! As for me, I laugh a lot, smile without getting yelled at or brow beat. Internally is the best I have felt in a longtime. I feel God blessed me with a bipolar spouse and I need to education-talk my story. I've spoken to so many people about my personal experience. I always address it that when my bp husband was told he had BP, that I said "WE" have it. I wasn't wrong! Take care girlfriend, you are not alone and I will light a candle for you!

NewBride

11/21/08 4:28pm

KodyD - i have read some of your comments to others on this site and i'm not even going to respond to you because honestly, you are a mess it seems and lash out at people who have bipolar husbands/wives that are on here for understanding, comfort and answers. Frankly it's no only sad but annoying. Have a great day.

YES, all of my problems ONLY have to do with having a BP (ex) spouse. If you read any of my other posts including this one it's pretty clear. I have a great job, a great family, great friends and a great outlook on life. The person I thought I married is no longer there and still seems manic and is costing me thousands via my lawyer, harrassing me and my family, and not paying bills. I tried helping him best I could because I loved him and he lashed out at my physically and verbally for a year as he crashed. I loved this man very much, you have no idea what I have done for him over the past 8 years.

With that said, I believe he is still manic. I've been getting harrassing texts all day today and I've already blocked his emails because he was emailing me horrible and rediculous things... He even called my father today and again blamed ME for his illness, and not remembering stalking me or doing certain things. I feel bad for my dad and my family to have to deal with this. It bothers me so much that he hasn't had any clarity about what he's done to us, or to me over the past year. Or even to himself for that matter. It wouldn't matter now, but I hope one day he recognizes what his illness has done to our once perfect and happy home....

Lucyfur

11/22/08 2:48pm

You are almost out of your hellish marriage to this man who for the life of me I can't understand why his behavior surprises you if he has done this stuff for over a year now. Seems it wouldn't be much of a surprise for him not to pay his part of the mortgage if he is as whacked out as you say he is. It's tough brakes though, having to pay out the money but just think that when you are divorced from him you will be done with him and can cut his face out of your picture albums as though he never existed. I would just be careful though about the next man cause obviously this one was a bit of a surprise late in the marriage. You sure wouldn't want another one would you?

Course you might get lucky and get a normal one and then when problems come up I guess then it would be you. I've been married twice and my first one was mean but my second one is good. We have problems here and there and he riles me up so but, I got some quirks too so I guess we could both blame each other. Women these days though are just too much in a darn hurry to find another man after getting rid of one. Still, at least your time is coming soon and hope your life from then on will continue to be a great one and maybe he will have some type of life as well though not with you cause you are done with that boy.

beatles fan 4ever

11/25/08 1:45am

like i said in my story, my wife and i have ben married 17 years this december and have 5 great kids. if i throw it away we would both loose. my wife is getting help and stopped tkeing te pain killers and hopefully the affairs r done. if u are just married and no kids and he refuses any treatment, leave now before it gets worse.

NewBride

11/25/08 11:20am

Hi, I am currently going thru the divorce and anullment. It's hard when the BP party is stalling everything, firing and rehiring his lawyer, not signing things on time, not paying bills his lawyer told him he has to, not responding to our realtor when we are trying to sell the house... calling my father and saying he's done nothing wrong and I'm to blame, having his family harass me... the list goes on. I have realized I am doing the right thing and it's for the best, but that doesn't make it any easier. I am shocked every day at new developments... he was hospitalized, he stalks the house and me still, he tells our friends horrible lies... I was wondering if one day he may wake up and realize what HE has done... maybe he doesn't remember? Maybe he stopped his meds? I have no idea... But I know I have to stop wondering... again it's very hard because I remember a man that was so different, and I miss that person. Just trying to get thru and over this now...

Learned to not ask "why" anymore... just want out of this mess

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