Well, I went to court the other day and thank god, my lawyer finally got my BP ex to sign the D papers. Even after the strange attempts he made to recover some odd items in my posession, and trying to give me HIS credit card debt, he finally signed anyway. The court also made it clear to him that he NEEDED to pay me the money he owed me after bouncing checks he gave me. I got the money today. It's over.
I feel such relief today. I mean, after loving someone for so long and thinking you married ur soulmate, then having a marriage where I felt isolated and lonely, and then the abuse... it's finally over. I can't say that phrase enough right now. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm devistated this has all happened, that he is ill, that he still doesn't seem to know what he's done to ME and to US and the great life we had... sad that he is on disability and is probably ruining his career.... that he bought a new car yet has no money.... that his family isn't helping the situation or guiding him correctly at all.... sad that the meds have made him gain weight. He doesn't act like him, look like him... he isn't him, or at least not the person that I KNEW or MARRIED once. Then again there is relief and anger still - from what he's done to me, the yelling, the walking on eggshells all the time so he wouldn't get upset over EVERYTHING, the pushing, the bruises.... the constant roller coaster....the i love you's and I hate you's in the same sentence....the forgiveness I gave him, the understanding I tried to do, the 500 Dr's appts I tried to be there for....the YEARS of my life I supported him and trusted him!!!!!!!!!! God....
But it's over. He signed and now I am hoping I don't have to worry if his checks will bounce for a house we no longer own, or if he is going to harass me anymore with texts and emails that I've now blocked.... I think back and wish things were different. I loved this person so so so much for so long and never imagined this. But i know i MUST move on. There is someone out there for me who isn't like this and who will treat me right... and I can't wait to meet that man. After all this I deserve that happiness and I'm so looking forward to it. God bless all of you who have gone through this with a significant other and decided that you must get out of a bad situation. It's a hard road either way, but you are all strong women and men to be going through this.
I hope you get exactly what you have spoken---someone who loves you. I don't know how long you were married but I was married 6 months and my husband left me and my 2 kids. Some say I should be thankful that he left, his behavior would have probably gotten to the point of what you've described. So I will be filing for my divorce February 2, 2009. Thank you for sharing this---I do believe that God hears us and knows what we have need of---I'm praying for God to send me a loving, kind, generous God fearing man ---and handsome too! I wish you the same. This is the first day of the rest of your life! God Bless you! You may not always feel strong but from what I just read---a weaker person could have never just come out of what you did with such gratitude and thanksgiving--you are strong and inspirational--thank you!