Hello,

I found this site while trying to research what may be going on with me.  I am bipolar and on no meds.  I was on over 6 different meds at the same time and it was making me litterally CRAZY!  I finally decided I would rather deal with the episodes of bipolar than live like a crazy zombie the rest of my life so I quit taking all of it.  That was about a year and a half ago.  Here is my problem... I have been having episodes weekly where I will be happy one minute and then (according to my spouse and kids) my personality changes and I am a totally different person!  Usually the person I become is mean, angry, and trys to do bad things.  My problem is, I have NO MEMORY OF THIS OR ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS DURING THIS TIME.  This is starting to happen to me atleast 3-4 times a week.  I am really scared because I could do ANYTHING during these times and have no clue!  For instance, just last night... I was cooking dinner, I was in a great mood even texting my husband telling him how good I felt... the last thing I remember was pulling the dinner out of the oven, kissing him hello when he walked in the door and that was it until I woke up and looked at the clock this morning and it said 5:57 am.  That is my next memory after pulling the dinner out of oven.  What happened between then is a mystery to me, but a freaking heck of a bizzare story to here my family tell it.  Earlier in the day when I picked my daughter up from school she was telling me about this boy stealing a pencil out of her bag that was under her seat and wouldn't give it back to her.  No big deal right??  WRONG.  Apparently, (this is all what my family told me) after my husband came in and I kissed him, I asked my daughter to tell her dad what happened at school today.  Once she started telling it, they said I COMPLETELY LOST IT!!  They said I started bawling and sobbing over this pencil story!!  And my husband said the kind of crying I was doing was some he has never ever seen me do, and trust me, being bipolar... he has seen lots of crying spells from me.  He said I cried non-stop for ATLEAST 3+ hours.  Both my daughters comfirmed this story as well.  He said I told him the pencil story, start to finish, atleast 20 times last night and every time I told it, it was as if I had NEVER told him the story ever!  He also said that I kept repeating, as I was sobbing, that I didn't finish dinner.  But he says he kept telling me I did and that they ate dinner.  I have no recollection of finishing dinner or anybody eating dinner.  He said that I was uncontrollably crying and hugging both my daughters for long periods of time.  He said that I was in the floor at one point on my hands and knees crying and I wouldn't get up.  He said all these things that I did and said and places I went and I have NO MEMORY of any of it!  This scares the crap out of me and it keeps happening more and more frequently.  I feel like I a crazy person!  I keep asking myself, maybe I have a split personality or something because how in the WORLD could a person function, talk, drive, etc. and not have any recollection of doing so???  That makes absolutely no sense to me!  Now, I have to say, normally my experiences that I have where I can't remember anything that happened are usually bad times.  Normally it is me fighting with my spouse for no apparent reason, threating to kill myself, attemping to kill myself, trying to get in my car and leave, etc.  These are usually episodes that I have due to biopolar, but yet I have no recollection of them unless my spouse tells me or my kids.  I fear I may eventually loose my husband to this crazy behavior that I have no control over.  I also fear what I may have done or said to anyone in my home during these times of rage.  I am a good person that is suffering from biopolar and now also memory loss and I don't understand why or what is causing this.  It is litterally as if I am in a coma but wide awake and functioning at the same time.  Can anyone shed any light on this for me??  I am really getting worried.  Thanks a bunch!