self-absorbed?

Its more of a personality trait, that might could be related to the illness coupled with anxiety or as you put it a dysfunctional upbringing. As far as I am concerned, it really does not matter where it’s coming from, only that it can be changed if you so choose.

I find too many people focus on the past and tend to blame everything bad going on in their lives to a particular event in their past... “My father looked cross-eyed at me when I was 11”.  This has to be the coddled generation in that we now have a mental illness for everyone and everything to blame things on so that we do not have to carry the burden of any wrongdoings in our lives today. What also goes along with this concept is that nothing will change because we have now taken it out of our control.

How can that be? If you are unwilling to accept that you are the way you are because of what you are doing today…brace yourself for more of the same. If you step up to the plate and accept responsibility for things, now you have control to change them. It is not easy but the rewards are great. The past cannot hurt you today unless you allow it too…it is the past so why not finally lay it too rest and move forward.

Life is short so make the best of it today. In your case, I would look at what is going on around you that has you nervous. Most times when I hear someone say what you just did, I find that the real issue is self-confidence. Our self-confidence can be easily shattered after an episode of depression or mania. Cut yourself some slack and do not look back. If you were confident, you would not worry so much about what others think and would be more focused on how you feel about it.

My sister is Bipolar and she becomes obsessively me,me,me, I, I, I particularly when she is approaching a state of mania. As her mania approaches it empowers her to do lots of things. When empowered she realises what she needs to change to make her life better.

She then makes lots of changes with a previously unseen clarity.

Those around her observe someone making lots of reckless changes without considering the implications of her actions.

The state of mania "empowers" but sometimes renders blind the Bipolar sufferer.

Bipolar sufferers can become overtly self absorbed, selfish, unpredicable, make ruthless decisions without forethought or balance.

Approaching the manic phase sufferers can become irritable and self isolating - Pushing partners, friends and family away to seek peace and quiet to remove the toxicity of their environment. Eventually their mania catches up with them. Their decisions and actions become cast from reality. Then sufferers can experience auditory and visual hallucinations if left untreated.

It takes time for Bipolar sufferers to accept the reality of their condition and to stop trying to deny its existance. Its also very hard for those outside the sufferer to learn to understand and help manage the condition.

Bipolar sufferers need to be kept away from stress, because it can amplify their mood fluctuations.

Yes, this definitely applies to me & can vary drastically, depending on my level of wellness.  It's frustrating how I can be 2 (or more) different people - kinda like the 'Jeckel & Hyde' thing.  Many times I have all these great ideas, when I'm in a manic state, and then when I crash, I second-guess like crazy & over-analyze everything.  It appears to be a general lack of confidence, but like I said, I can be at either ends of the scale, depending on the day.  When I'm at a low, yes, I feel horribly self-conscious & question all my thoughts & feelings, overanalyzing them because I feel there must be some 'reason' for them, so I ruminate like crazy.  On the outside, I'm sure it appears like I'm very self-absorbed.  But I feel it's not a permanent personal trait but rather a result of the illness that can vary so much from day to day.  CBT only helps so much & a lot of times I in fact resent it, because my varying levels of certainty are so overwhelming & I resent how CBT attempts to simplify it so much...  I suppose CBT helps somewhat, but I find it helps even more to bounce my ideas/fears etc. off friends, family, and my husband who all know the real me very well & can give me better perspective.  My support group and this forum help tremendously, too, not only to give a fresh perspective, but also compassion, because we've all been there.  I'm thinking all this would help you too.  Take Care,

Sharon

but I read that "blurry boundaries" between self and others is a bipolar trait.  It's been an issue for me, in terms of seeking the approval or validation of others.