dbletlk1

Health Interests

Bipolar mixed state,  bipolar 1 and 2,  hypomania,  bipolar treatment

Drugs I am Taking

lithium,  klonapin and wellbutrin

About Me

I think I had 2 episodes when I was a teenager.  I  was under stress and not living at home.  I wouldn't leave the house and did not finish the last 4-5 months of senior year.  This happened again the next year and I gained 20 lbs.  I was a social substance abuser with personality changes when drunk or high.  Sometimes agitated.  I did not see alot of symptoms but I never settled down with anyone for long.  and now I think I know why.  I had the men banging down my door till I was about 40. Believe it or not sometimes being attractive can attract men to a vulnerable women.  In my case I would have been better off a plain Jane.  At 37 I had a hysterectomey and quit smoking at the same time.  This is when I really started to exhibit symptoms.  Then again after my father died and again last summer when I thought my Mother would die from lung cancer. (She's not treating).  I have been on wellbutrin for 3 yrs since my diagnosis, I was on lamictal and I think it caused mania, I was given geodon last summer which made me worse for 4-5 weeks, tried, low dose addition of topamax.  and now I am on 450mg of lithium and klonipin .05 at bedtime.  Iv'e tried but not been able to take depakote, resperadol, neurontin, abilify, seroquel  and Doc just gave me invega to add to the lithium.  when I read it's the same as reperadol.  I said no way!,  my blood pressure plummetted from that.  Lithium has shown to be best for me  at 600mg.  It did destroy my thyroid in 2 months and now i take synthroid. This illness has caused me much grief going undiagnosed.  I thought I had rational reasons for my behaviors.  I don't think I get really depressed.  I  think I get feeling shameful, guilty, lowself esteem, suspicious;  these may be my depressed states.  I may be mixed but i'm sure I get at least hypomanic, I have the racing thoughts etc  Some good has come of it  I have become an accomplished artist in the lst 4 yrs and it came very easy to me when I never knew I had any of this talent.  I'm also a pretty good poet.  I have beautiful gardens here and next door at Mom's that I made in the goal oriented obsessions.  I am disable as I also have some health problems.  But today I'm OK!