trying to keep a job with bipolar

By cg73 Monday, December 29, 2008

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I am having extreme difficulty at work due to my bipolar/depression symptoms. (Thus the reason I'm up so early - I was dreaming about work and couldn't sleep any more) I can't concentrate, and I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing. I've been with the same company for nearly 8 years, and have had the same job within that company for over 4. I used to find my job interesting and almost easy. Even when it wasn't easy, I enjoyed and overcame the challenge. Now, it seems impossibly hard and I dread going to work each day. My counselor has even mentioned that she's not sure I should be trying to hold down a full time job, which really scares me, because we can't afford for me not to work. It's a good job, with good benefits - to lose it would be tragic.

Is there anyone out there who has experienced the same kinds of problems? I really need to hear from someone who understands and maybe has some advice.

Comments (7) | Add comment

gerbear55

12/29/08 10:18am

I had the same problem so I told My doctor who was treating me about it and it came down to an medication change which surppriseingly did the trick. hope this will work for you as well. good luck?

cg73

12/29/08 6:00pm

I did just start on abilify and I see the doc on Monday. I will mention to him and see what he says. thanks!

Erin

12/29/08 11:46am

Luckily I work within a hospital union, or my ass would have been fired by now. The two years previous to finding out I was BP, I took ALOT of sick time. It was ridiculous. And coming up with "illnesses" was difficult. How could I tell work about the sick feeling every morning I woke up in the dark? I've been written up on sick time twice. As it stands my boss says the slate is wiped clean due to having a documented illness.

I'm still off work, have been since last Feb. Everyone there is supportive, but still tell me "don't come back"... due to internal gossip and overall low moral. That doesn't help. But I have nightmares, of returning to work and calling in sick. Everyone being pissed off with me... me using the BP as an excuse...

I look outside at 7am and see people getting into their cars, or walking down the street, starting their work day. And I don't know how the hell they are doing it. I'm afraid "they" are going to send me back soon. I'm still not on the right "cocktail"...

I truly understand.

cg73

12/29/08 6:09pm

I have had the same experience - lots of sick time and one write up for using too much. Fortunately, where I work does provide an unusually large number of sick days each year, but unless you're careful to protect absences with FMLA, you can get into trouble for using them. It's easy enough to use FMLA for long absences (I've had 3 fairly long ones over the last 5 years), but it's those one or two days here and there that are hard to cover.

I know what you mean about coming up with "illnesses" - you can't just call in and say, sorry, I can't get out of bed today. I sometimes find myself wishing I had a "real" disease - one that people can see and understand.

I have one coworker who makes it very clear she doesn't understand, even though she knows I have BP. She always talks about how she never calls in sick (even when she IS sick and germy!) and how some people call in all the time and they should be fired for it. Pisses me off - she doesn't know what people are dealing with!

I see people who just get up every morning and go off to work like it's nothing in the world. My husband is one of them. Doesn't even have to think about it - just get up and go. I have to talk myself into it every day.

It's very scary, really, and I know exactly the kinds of nightmares you're having about going back. The longer you're gone, the harder it is.

Thanks for understanding! Good luck to you!

LifeontheIsland

12/29/08 6:01pm

I'm not working due to my BPD. I didn't know why I had such difficulty until I was diagnosed last June. When doing my past jobs, of which I've had many... It would be like I'd have to learn everything all over again every Monday, or after time off. The only job I was able to hold for the longest time was as a tour guide/elevator operator at the Space Needle in Seattle. I could just be my manic self in the elevator, entertaining guests with my endless energy. I could even work 16 hour days and hardly be tired, for months. Then, I got injured (not on the job) and was in terrible pain. I could not do that job while in terrifying pain. The guests could tell that I was in pain, and I was no longer any fun. That is when the axe started swinging for me and I quit before they could fire me.

I worked a retail job for a couple of years after that, but needed to take so much time off that they didn't want me anymore. I left before getting fired again.

I don't know how anyone works with BPD. I guess that is why people go on Soc Sec. Disability, if they are lucky enough to get it. You cannot be working when you apply for disability, they deny almost everyone the first time. It takes years to get it. Most of the time.

Could you take a leave period and see how it goes? That way you won't lose your benefits and you could get some intense therapy? Do you have things you could sell to make up for the loss of money you'd experience? Most people have some things they could sell, that they don't really use - like exercise equipment, etc. Craigs List is free to list items and you can sell to local people, not like EBay where shipping costs can be too much.

I don't know if any of this helps, but you are not alone. I feel for you and hope that things work out for you. I care.

cg73

12/30/08 1:33pm

I hear/see so many stories like yours; I think that's why I worry so much about my job. It just seems like so few BP people are able to hold down jobs.

I guess I need to just remember that I have been very lucky thus far and just to keep trying.

Thanks for sharing!

tabby

12/31/08 2:18pm

I've managed to hold down a few jobs here and there while symptomatic. I say a few because if not getting laid off, I'm usually quitting or being forced to resign due to high absence issues (due to the episodes).

It isn't easy by no means of the imagination to focus on work, family, and trying to keep the illness or illnesses (if you have a few added to it) under enough cover to keep a job going. It can seem like sheer daily survival at times when the depressive side hits mightly hard.

As of today, in fact, I've been laid off due to a "reduction in force". They knew of my Bipolar and they knew of my Seizure Disorder. I am the only person, at my site, that was laid off. The reason given was a "staff reduction in force". There were other sites that lost a person or 2 but at my site - it was me and I did a job that was secure in that it had to be done each day and couldn't be off-sited to another company.

This is only an example of what I've said time and again here... in the US they can't fire you because you have a disorder or illness. It can not be the reason for firing you. Yet, when the opportunity arises... they can let you go for other things.

trying to keep a job with bipolar

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