someone please read

By madalena Saturday, April 28, 2007

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Anybody,

Please read my first journal post, and the information in my profile. I really need some feedback from someone who can tell me what to expect in this stage, when married; in my type of situation. I'm really struggling with my intrusive, obsessive thoughts right now, which seem almost impossible not to act on, as far as contacting other men, and my husband knows everything.

Here's some more stuff I just wrote earlier:

It seems more and more that my hypersexuality, in the form of a 'sex, love, romance and fantasy addiction, is really brought on by and exacerbated by the mania from being bipolar...I've got way too many incessant, intrusive, obsessive thoughts about these two other men in my life, one of which I'm having an affair with. I plan to call the other man once he gets out of the mental hospital i met him in. I was there all the week before last, where i was diagnosed bipolar.

It's taking me forever to get the necessary doctor's appointments, since I couldn't make them until I knew when I'd be discharged from the hospital, and i've forgotten to take part of my meds in the last two days. Both times that brought on a manic episode, during which I 'acted out' as far as my sexual behavior with 'my boyfriend.'

And the books I've been reading say most people with this kind of mania, even when one's trying to treat it, often 'crash and burn,' what with the 'drivenness' of the thoughts and behavior,
the cravings, and the strong urges to act on the thoughts and fantasies. Supposedly it's a constant, very intense struggle to keep control of oneself and one's behavior, what with the brain chemical cascades.

Also, since bipolar's one the most misdiagnosed mental illnesses, it makes it that much harder to treat if it's been going on since childhood, like mine was. I feel like a bug in a jar, what with my husband and my parents wanting to impose all this external control on me, since i can't control myself right now, as far as acting out. So, i just feel stuck feeling like a raw nerve; especially with my husband's constant neediness. But we'll be addressing that when we go to the marriage counselor on Monday evening, and we'll see what we can do about getting him his own therapist, and maybe going to some Al-anon meetings, or COSA meetings - for the spouses of sex addicts ('Co-sex addicts anonymous).

All for now - please help if possible, by commenting or whatever.

Thanks,

Madalena

Comments (3) | Add comment

Anonymous

4/29/07 1:57am

I am male, age 66, diagnosed as bipolar at age 30. Suggestions: get pet, preferably dog. Abstain from all alcohol. Get excercise. Walking at least 30 minutes every other day (see Dr. Mercola's site). Work outside an hour a day in garden. Plant something, watch it grow. Follow doctor's advice exactly. I take one type of med in morning and another at night. Do not stop meds without doctor's permission, then only by gradually tapering off. Attend a local Mental Health support group. I think your manic sexual thoughts will be much reduced so that you can use your self-control so you do not act on your thoughts.

Anonymous

4/29/07 2:47am

Dear Madelena,

I am male, age 66, diagnosed as bipolar at age 30. I just found and read your profile.

Read the book, "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns, M.D.

Short story is that since 1970 I have had only two psychiatrists, both men. In about 2002 I had lost my job, therefore had no insurance to pay for the doctor visits and meds. I started going to the Veteran's Hospital in Palo Alto, CA, which is closeby. My doctor was and is a woman, around 30 I guess. I was very uncomfortable at first, discussing subjects with her as she is younger than our youngest son. Also she is very feminine. What I am trying to say is that maybe you could consider getting a woman psychiatrist, not psychologist. The hospital could probably refer one to you.

Here's a few of my favorite sayings, not in any special order:

"Life is here to be lived" Donald Rumsfeld, 5-7-06

"This too shall pass."

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

One day at a time

Do what's most important first!

Polarimbi

4/29/07 11:01pm

hi madalena, i read your first post and my heart goes out to you. i am also a mom with bipolar type 1, and understand how hard it is to try and get on stable ground. but you will get there, it is possible to feel good and make better choices again. right now you just have to persevere and find hope in your little girl's future. it took a while to figure out the right meds, so just be patient. make sure you have a doctor and a therapist who you trust and feel totally comfortalbe with. it might not be a good idea for you to use the same person you use for your marriage counselor. find someone, a friend, anyone you can trust who you can call or be with if you are feeling vulnerable or drawn to risk-taking behaviour. you have to really change the way you think and act to manage bipolar, so get all the support you can get. keep posting on this site and check out other blogs in the bipolar community (bipolar planet), reading others' experiences can help validate your own feelings and remind you that you are not alone. i have one: www.polarimbi.blogspot.com. I posted about marriage and how difficult it is. I hope you and your husband are able to heal. Take care, have courage, and be strong. You will get through it.

someone please read

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