I really need advice

By cs Thursday, March 11, 2010

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I have a daughter in law that has bipolar and she won't take her meds.. says she don't like the way they make her feel happy.. go figure..

Well She is very verbal abusive to me.. I keep my peace for my son and grandson.

But I just can't take this anymore.. I also have bipolar but i have gotten help for it and I take meds for it..I have tried to tell her to take the meds.. and she says she is fine the way she is.. I could be her best friend and then all of a sudden if i sneeze she is mad at me...figure of speech..

Please if anyone has any advice for me plz let me know..

thank you

Comments (8) | Add comment

alxv

3/13/10 5:43am

I feel for you, really not the best daughter in law you could have...

She needs therapy to understand her anger as well and she needs to be responsible about taking her meds. Having bipolar disorder is always a good excuse for people to be abusive and not taking responsibility of their actions as she does.

I wish you were my mother in law lol you are a good caring person who don't deserve having her acting that way with you.

Your son should convince her to go to therapy and take her meds maybe she would listen to him...

Best of luck.

Alex

3/13/10 10:00am

Thank you Alex..

She has gone to therepy.. and says that it doesn't help.. I have done everything I can just to try and help her.. you can't help someone that don't want the help.. that is the sad thing..

Thank you so much for your comment it means alot..

Mary Bowles

3/13/10 8:06am

Maybe the only thing that will get her to take her meds and try to change her behavior would be you pulling away from her AND your son. That way she will lose her comfort zone with him as well. Even people with mental problems can learn that they have to treat other people with respect, in order to have friends and family support. Just because she is bi-polar doesn't give her the right to mistreat other people. She needs this lesson, might as well learn it from you at home. Be strong!

3/13/10 10:04am

Mary, I thank you for your post..

I have come to the conclusion that this is the only way.. to just break ties with with.. what is so sad is that I'm sure she is saying a lot of bad things to my 7 yr old grandson.. But I can't have her trying to keep doing this.. when I told my Son that I have deleted her from everything.. it seemed like he understood.. but I'm sure it hurts him too.. but I will not be abused by anyone.. I was abused by my x-husband for years.. physically and mentally and verbal.. and I won't do it again.. I should of never let this abuse go on as long as I had.. 8 yrs is a long time.. But I can't anymore..

Thank you so much for yours and Alex's post it sure helped a lot..

Eric

3/14/10 7:12am

I think so far you all are looking in the wrong direction for guidance. To be honest with you...my first concern would be to my grand child...my son and his wife are old enough to make it on their own.

I am not saying to put up with being verbally abused...but it takes two to tango. Try using the words "Your right" every time she starts to get angry. Its hard to find someone when they are telling you your right. I could care less if you think she is off her rocker and you know your right. Is being right worth not being able to spend time with your grand child?

All of us had to get to a point of acceptance of our illness and we go through stages to finally get to the point of taking our meds on a daily bases. You of all people should have insight into her plight with having the illness yourself. Did you at first accept the diagnoses and take your meds the way you were directed or was it a progression?

So maybe its time to change tactics and start listening, being there for your grandchild and being supportive of what your son is dealing with. I would also try to bond and be supportive of your daughter-in-law and show her you understand what she is going through and that you are there for her.

3/14/10 9:31am

When I found out that I had bipolar.. I went for help.. I took my meds ..At first they thought it was depression so i was on anti-depression meds.. that didn't help I took them for about 7 yrs.. and then because of finances I couldn't afford to go to a therapist.. so when I got on Disability then I could go.. And he is the one that told me that it wasn't depression or it was but with bipolar and he gave me a different medication.. And that has helped so much.. As far as being supportive of her.. I have stood by her and have taken everything she has done to me for the last 8 yrs.. For the sake of my grandson.. I have gone beyond to make her feel excepted and loved.. Only to take her abuse..

She has known she has bipolar since she was 9 yrs. old.. she is now 23..

They have taken her to the doctor since she was young and she won't take her meds..

So where do you think I'm not supportive????

Yes I am concern for my grandson... Yes I have taken all this for him.. How much more do YOU want me to take?

tabby

3/14/10 10:20pm

There is not one thing you can do to force her to start medication and/or stay on medication. So, there is no point to keep dwelling on her having Bipolar and not taking medication.

She refuses. You can not hold her down and force them down her. Unless she is a physical threat to herself or others, no one can force her down and force her on them and you would not enjoy it being done to you. She has to "want" to take the meds.. she does not want to.

The only person for whom you can control is yourself. The only person for whom you can change, is yourself. If you do not enjoy her being verbally abusive to you then refuse to allow her to be so to you. She does it because you allow her to do so.

There really is no advice to give you.

3/14/10 11:23pm

Thank you for that.. Yes I know the only one i can change is me.. I guess I was wondering really if anyone else has gone through this with loved ones and how they have dealt with it..

But thank you for your imput..

I really need advice

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