So I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about two months ago, I am trying to learn whats the best way to manage it, but every 5-14 days I have a really bad day or two in which I just want to hurt myself and nearly everyone around me. I start fights with people, kick them out of my life....at the time it seems like a good idea but then after I calm down I realize all the damage I have caused....is this normal for someone with bpd? What can I do to stop this?
Yep that is very much normal for bipolar. I spend years and years of my life thinking and feeling that something was wrong with me cause I hated every one and felt like every one hated me. An antidepressant will help with the aggitation you are experencing. I was diagnosed with depression first and the antidepressed helped but i had to be on such high levels and that numbed me completly but after i found out i was truely bipolar i went on a mood stabalizer that helps with the highs and an antidepressant that helps with the lows. Hope this helps just hang in there things will get better once you embrace and openly talk to your family and friends about it. My husband is very supportive and will simply say to me when i get like that. Oh i see you haven't taken your meds :) I hope it helps just to know your not the only one out there with this problem.
Can you feel a physical change in your body when you are about to or going through the agitated state? I feel like I can feel the blood pumping in my veins. My wrists feel very uncomfortable. This is a signal to get away from everyone...just go to a room where I can be alone because as sure as my arms feel funny the mean crap will start falling out of my mouth.
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Yep, unfortunately that's what BP is... It sucks, but having bipolar means you have mood swings between two poles. So getting irritated, angry, overactive, and the like is (hypo) mania and the other side is being (very) depressed. And anything in between really. "The" Bipolar patient doesn't exist. How BP looks for each person is different, there are no two alike. Also, each person responds differently to the same medication. It all depends on your chemical and hormonal balances, or as it is: imbalance. Apart from that genetics might play a role. So it can get pretty confusing....
That's why BP's are being put on mood stabilisers (like depakote and lithium amongst others). When you suffer from hallucinations and psychosis, you get special meds for that too. When you suffer from severe depressions, you get anti-depressants for that as well. So having several different meds to get you evened out is pretty normal. The bad comes with the sorting out which meds work for you. This can take some time. Tell your Psych (pdoc) exactly how you feel. It is helpful to keep a diary so you and your pdoc can get some insight in your mood swings.
People around us usually have a hard time to understand what is going on, what BP means and what it does to and with you. I find it unfortunate, but it is up to us to educate the people around us and explain to them to the best of our ability what BP is and what they can do (or sometimes not do).
Hang in there!! It will take time, but it should get better. In the meantime: write whenever you feel like it. We are in the same boat so it is easier to understand one another.