We have been married for 8 months now, we have know each other a little over two years. I have two kids who live away from me and she has two teenagers one lives with us the other 2 hours away. finances are tight, we are paying two mortgages waiting for the old house to sell. When we met she was friendly, polite and pleasant, she told me she was bipolar, after awhile she told me she was an alcholic but has seven years sober, she had also been raped the year before. She had worked her last job for 21 years and then began to have troubles at work and then with the people on the train to work. We thought that by moving no a quieter community, and have her get a new job this would mellow out for her. As of right now I feel like I live with three people (the screamer) (the crier) and (the manic nag). The woman I married I see on very rare occassions. This is breaking my heart. To make things worse I suffer for depression and some ADD. I have a very high stress job during the day, it takes a great deal of energy just to stay focused, then when I get home I can hardly relax, I don't know what is going to happen, I just know that I'm not going to be able to sit down and decompress from my day. In addition to my regular job, I teach 3 hours per week at a local college, and I'm in the National Guard so I also have to do drills. I also don't sleep very well, and she doesn't make that any easier. Her mom is also Bi-polar and is the meanest person I've ever met. I'm worried she is becoming more like her mom. I don't think I can take much more. Advice?
My story is almost the same as yours. When I married my husband, I was happy and nice and a "normal" person. I have struggled with drug addiction all my life and sexual abuse as a young child. I told him about all of this before we got married. I had not yet been diagnosed bipolar or depressive though at that point. I couldn't see myself how he saw me, or even my mother (she said I was horrible with my mood swings and controlling nature). I should add too that he has anger issues and goes psycho sometimes for no reason, or for something stupid. I wonder now if he is bipolar. He grew up with an alcoholic dad who would come home and beat him and cheated on his mother all the time. We have been married for 13 years and have two boys--9 and 15. We have had major problems our whole marriage-fighting, the kids being in the middle of it all, separations and me having an affair where I actually moved out of the house. When I was with this other guy I was doing things that were dangerous and out of character for me-doing drugs, drinking excessively, etc. I was also in law school at night while working full time during the day. I am now recovering from a pain pill addiction as well-that's where I finally got my diagnosis. I was just diagnosed with bipolar, depression and PTSD about a year ago. I think I might also be ADHD too. My mother and my husband said it was like night and day when I started my meds/when they started working. My husband and I get along better than we ever have and talk openly about things that happened in the past-I've talked about the disease (bipolar) with him, the symtoms, etc. He has come to understand me more and we hardly ever fight anymore, although I think we still need some counseling together. We also are having a bad time with finances, and he is in the Army full time with a new job that he has to travel with a lot, so he is never home. I still have my up's and down's, but it is a lot more evened out. My husband said that I used to be unbearable (I'm sure feeling how you do). Does she see a psychiatrist regularly, and is she taking any meds? If not, you need to see if you can catch her in a decent mood and talk about her getting some help. It's hard for people like her and I, with a mental illness, to see what others see. You've only been married 8 months, so you probably met her and was dating her in a manic phase, or even in between phases--so don't think that she intentionally tricked you or was acting different on purpose (I know that some women do trick men, not showing their true selves until married). You should read up on the disease as well so you can understand it more and I would get some help as well for yourself. Only she can make the decision to get better though, not you, so all I can say is that you can try your hardest to help her get help, but there may come a point where you have say enough is enough for your own mental well-being. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry I don't have more advice for you, just thought I'd share my story with you so you would know that you're not alone with what you're going through...I put my husband through the same thing.