Keeping the Faith

I decided to buy my husband a box of chocolates today. It is his birthday. While making my selections, I got to talking with the chocolatier. Somehow our subject became weighty and as we shared our stories, the focus fell upon our enduring trust, our belief system and in the end, our faith. We decided that, at some point in our lives, we have trusted and have been disappointed. Some of us have lost money, some have experienced a broken heart, but in-spite of it all we have learned and were able to keep the faith.

My chocolatier trusted an investor who promised to franchise their business. They gave him a large amount of capital to do so. They trusted, believed, and were deceived - but in the end they never lost their faith. Even in the worst of times, they kept their faith.

Recently, I gave a publicist a stack of money to help me "sell" my book. He lives in California, I am in the Midwest. I could not monitor his work, but I had faith in him and I trusted his promises and I sent him my dough. It was clear, I was his game - once he had a handful of my money, the telephone rang silent.

It occurs to me the ambiguity of his work. I have lived my life thinking, "please don't tell me what you think I want to hear. I wish not to be a participant in your clever ruse." I am trustworthy, please be at least what I have become.

But I fear my trust may be challenged by participating in this unfamiliar game. Though I may be a "next opportunity," I will fight the theft of my faith. For you may take from me my funds but the thief of my spirit you will never be. My chocolatier gave me the low down. She says you pray hard and the more you pray, the closer you get to your answer. My prayer, "Lord, will you send to me an honest publicist?"

So if you see my lips moving to the beat of my own drum - do not be afraid. It is only me praying harder. And while I am looking for the answers, and wondering the reasons, and fighting to keep my faith, I will be grateful. For in the end, my book may be the difference between a readers survival and their unwelcome suicide. For in the end, families will understand the illness of Bipolar Disorder and be healed. For in the end, what I have done will prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the ability to sustain trust, belief and faith in the most difficult of times is attainable.

And when the going gets rough, I'll be praying, praying hard ... for they may take my funds but the thief of my spirit they will never be.

To visit Cynthia and learn about her newly released book, click here Life Is Like a Line.