I received a newletter discussing Borderline Personality Disorder & was in disbelief of how much I fit the simptoms. I dont doubt Im Bipolar (more than likely "rapid" cycling) but now wonder if I may also have BPD. I have always had difficulty maintaining an intimant relationship. I become SO codependant, I fear they will give up on me & leave like all other b/f in the past, I become more depressed & self doubting b/c I tend to niglect my needs, I also fear them going out w/friends & having more fun w/o me there. Even as I write the last sentence it sounds soooo irrational even in my own head which makes me feel even crazier and lessens my self esteem even more. It made me feel better when I 1st read the article b/c just maybe Im not a bad person & others are going through this as well, but now Im just scared I'll never be able to love & be loved. Ive got the whole "daddy abandonment" issues which sounds like such a cop out, I'd like to think Im stronger than that, that my fucked up childhood didnt leave me damaged....I see a therapist on Monday but any related stories or advise would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks so much if you took the time to read this.
Hi I'im Becky, I totally see where your coming from. My dad left me when I was 5 yrs old, and didnt come back into the picture until I was 18 and he wanted the same respect you'd give a father thats been there for years. I have to say all threw high school I wanted to be loved be any and every guy who came along. I got pregnant at 16 had my beautiful son 2 months after I turned 17. Wow what a rollercoaster. I had seizures growing up, I out grew them around the age of 14. And was molested at the age of 3 1/2. So I def. think that all had a play on my Bi-Polar now. I always new something just was wrong growing up. The doctors told me I was just a depressed person. Well it took 2 years ago my suicide attempt that a doctor told me I was BP. I was thankful and lost all at the same time that I had a name to my maddness. If you look around the internet there are little test's that you can take to kinds see if you think you have the BP, and it helps word things to your DR easier, thats what I did. Yeah the meds work at times then they have to go back and adjust them. It's hard to think I will be on them for the rest of my life. Not to mention I lost my job due to calling off to much at work, with having a hard time going in to work or the panic attacks would take over right before I had to leave. But what do you do but keep going to thew therapist, it does help to talk to someone else other than family * friends. If you ever need to talk Im on here....BEC
Well its been confirmed by a therapist I am BPD...I know its going to be a long road to recovery but knowing that therapy is the main focus gives me a lil relief that I may not have to play the medication game for much long & def not my entire life:) So how are you hangin' in there?? HOpe all is well. Are you registered w/a.y newletters directed towards ppl w/BPD? If so let me know so I can get even more support & maybe even give it back when I can!! Thx 4 the support!! HOpe to hear from you again so.