I was diagnosed with Bipolar II a few years ago after having been misdiagnosed with depression for many years. Those years of wondering why I wasn't getting better but instead getting steadily worse were some of the hardest of my life filled with strange behaviour and thoughts of suicide. When I found myself taking care of unfinished business and planning my end I reached out one final, desperate time...at a walk-in clinic. It was that doctor, one who had never seen me before that had the idea I might be Bipolar rather than suffering from depression.
Since I started treatment my moods have leveled out but, unfortunately, they have leveled out on the low end and, although I don't feel suidical I don't feel like I've ever been happy and I really miss those highs when I felt confident, energetic, creative and intelligent. If I wasn't so scared of what would happen I would stop my medication just to get those fleeting moments back. I feel like I'm going through life numb. I've eaten my way to a 75 pound weight gain and I'm miserable. Does anyone else share these feelings? Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with these stable but low moods? Any help would be appreciated because life just has no quality to it.
