Friday, August 10, 2007
Hi, I'm Tina, and I'm 39 years old. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II, depression, anxiety,and PTSD disorders about 5 1/2 years ago. As of last Sunday I've gone Cold Turkey again off my meds. Let me also say that I don't recommend anyone try this without considering the potential ramifications of the side effects. No, I'm not a professional. I will however share with you how and why I was initally diagnosed and what brought me to this part of my life as well as what I hope to attain through this endevor.
The year 2002, the month around February. I was helping my husband fight for his children from the state of Florida. They were in Foster care. I was also trying to regain some form of visitation with my own biological children when all crap hit the fan. My ex had not only refused my court ordered visitation but was now seeking the termination of my parental rights. He took from me my life! Now I was seeking to fill that void through my soon to be step-children. 2nd mistake. The first was losing my job as a result of 6 foot surgeries and an ACL surgery over a 1 1/2 period! We finally won with the state of Florida and the children were retrieved from their situation in July. I was climbing to the top of the world. I felt in control of everything. Then in November it was finalized, I lost my Children, my grandfather passed away and I fell from my in control self to a state of deep depression. I was yelling at the children, didn't care how they were doing in school, didn't care about the house, was crying all the time and when I wasn't crying I was sleeping and spending money "we" didn't have (like bill money). There had to be something wrong with me but I didn't know what. I sought professional help. That's when I was told I'd been Bi-polar for many years I'd just had not had a episode severe enough to cause me to seek help. I was quickly given perscriptions for Risperdal, and Depakote. I started noticing I was feeling better but their were two major side effects. 1) I lost my desire sexually and 2) I put on an enourmous amout of weight ( going from 187 to 315) over a period of about 10 months to a year. I became even more depressed. I could hardly walk, my back hurt, my feet hurt, heck I wasn't even sleeping good. My spending habits cost us our apartment and we had to move in with my mother-in-law. It was November 2004 I decided to go cold turkey off my meds, I stopped smoking and sought out a professional to address the weight I had put on. Where upon she gave me a perscription (126.00 a bottle). That worked for two months until I could not "afford" it any longer. I still had my spending problem! Other people were more important than myself! I was doing well or so I thought. I had a good support team: My mother-in-law,my husband(whom was/is a smoker and was driving tractor-trailer over the road) and my Brother-in-law. Once again things started to go down hill. I wasn't happy, I "made" my husband quit driving truck. He started smoking around me then BAM! I started smoking again (depression linked to smoking?). Things really weren't so bad. That, however changed drastically on July 13th 2005 when my precious mother-in-law unexpectedly was taken from this life. I fell and hard as she was a very close friend to me which I had a better relationship with than my own mother. I sprilled down and fast! MY spending became worse. I didn't care anymore about anything, or anyone not even myself. "We" lost her home because we couldn't "afford" it. We moved out just before foreclosure. That was it I had to seek help again, I wasn't getting over it, I was depressed and spending everything my husband could make. (God knows why he puts up with me and my illnesses). It took two months for me to finally get into a Doctor (they were overbooking) after my therapist made the referral. This doctor was on top of it though, he was sure to address why I quit cold turkey. He prescribed for me Abilify, Luvox, and tegratal. I balanced back out again. Until once again I'm hit the doctor is leaving the practice (he gave me two months worth of refills).I'm out now with no doctor and no meds since Sunday. I'm going to try to control this through diet and exercise and hopefully stop smoking again. Maybe through some encouraging word from those "out" there and following an entry of this journal I just might be successful. So please if you're going through this and want to share or have some encouragement send a post. Thank you Tina
The year 2002, the month around February. I was helping my husband fight for his children from the state of Florida. They were in Foster care. I was also trying to regain some form of visitation with my own biological children when all crap hit the fan. My ex had not only refused my court ordered visitation but was now seeking the termination of my parental rights. He took from me my life! Now I was seeking to fill that void through my soon to be step-children. 2nd mistake. The first was losing my job as a result of 6 foot surgeries and an ACL surgery over a 1 1/2 period! We finally won with the state of Florida and the children were retrieved from their situation in July. I was climbing to the top of the world. I felt in control of everything. Then in November it was finalized, I lost my Children, my grandfather passed away and I fell from my in control self to a state of deep depression. I was yelling at the children, didn't care how they were doing in school, didn't care about the house, was crying all the time and when I wasn't crying I was sleeping and spending money "we" didn't have (like bill money). There had to be something wrong with me but I didn't know what. I sought professional help. That's when I was told I'd been Bi-polar for many years I'd just had not had a episode severe enough to cause me to seek help. I was quickly given perscriptions for Risperdal, and Depakote. I started noticing I was feeling better but their were two major side effects. 1) I lost my desire sexually and 2) I put on an enourmous amout of weight ( going from 187 to 315) over a period of about 10 months to a year. I became even more depressed. I could hardly walk, my back hurt, my feet hurt, heck I wasn't even sleeping good. My spending habits cost us our apartment and we had to move in with my mother-in-law. It was November 2004 I decided to go cold turkey off my meds, I stopped smoking and sought out a professional to address the weight I had put on. Where upon she gave me a perscription (126.00 a bottle). That worked for two months until I could not "afford" it any longer. I still had my spending problem! Other people were more important than myself! I was doing well or so I thought. I had a good support team: My mother-in-law,my husband(whom was/is a smoker and was driving tractor-trailer over the road) and my Brother-in-law. Once again things started to go down hill. I wasn't happy, I "made" my husband quit driving truck. He started smoking around me then BAM! I started smoking again (depression linked to smoking?). Things really weren't so bad. That, however changed drastically on July 13th 2005 when my precious mother-in-law unexpectedly was taken from this life. I fell and hard as she was a very close friend to me which I had a better relationship with than my own mother. I sprilled down and fast! MY spending became worse. I didn't care anymore about anything, or anyone not even myself. "We" lost her home because we couldn't "afford" it. We moved out just before foreclosure. That was it I had to seek help again, I wasn't getting over it, I was depressed and spending everything my husband could make. (God knows why he puts up with me and my illnesses). It took two months for me to finally get into a Doctor (they were overbooking) after my therapist made the referral. This doctor was on top of it though, he was sure to address why I quit cold turkey. He prescribed for me Abilify, Luvox, and tegratal. I balanced back out again. Until once again I'm hit the doctor is leaving the practice (he gave me two months worth of refills).I'm out now with no doctor and no meds since Sunday. I'm going to try to control this through diet and exercise and hopefully stop smoking again. Maybe through some encouraging word from those "out" there and following an entry of this journal I just might be successful. So please if you're going through this and want to share or have some encouragement send a post. Thank you Tina
First, I appreciate your willingness to share your story here. I too have gone "cold turkey" since last September. It hasn't been easy by no means and I've suffered for it.
I would say that those around me have also except those around me are glad I'm not on any medication. They have said they like me this way (depressed) more so then under medication (zombied and heavier).
This isn't why I went cold turkey however. There are other reasons but they are the right reasons for my situation and so I don't feel the need to defend why.
You've suffered a lot of loss and you've been through a lot and here you are. You are a survivor. If things get really bad and you feel you need help then I pray you will seek this out in a positive manner. Whatever you do I sincerely wish you luck and peace.