i guess this is the start of my journey

Day 1
Drugs taken today:
40mg prozac
.25mg xanax
900mg lithium
510mg seroquel

so i guess today is day one. Ground zero… i dont exactly know what or how to say anything. I took this seroquel stuff like about a half hour ago i think, and already my brain is not wanting me to think, not wanting me to do anything but lay in bed and go to sleep.

My ticks were SO bad today, and it was tough having my friend go with me to see my psychiatrist, but what else was i supposed to do about the situation. I think she was embarrassed about me, embarrassed about being with me, and having to deal with I am dealing with.

I just told my parents about my diagnosis at the improv place my sister performs at. Just told them. I left all the drug information from my prescriptions on their bed with the sheet my doctor gave be about being bilpolar. Like I need a sheet to help me understand why I am the way I am. At least now I have an excuse for all the bad things I did.

“hey mom, I was manic. I wasn’t planning on spending 1000 dollars on your credit card.” But oh jesus I don’t think that even I can fake what it felt like to have uncontrollable ticks to the point that I cant even concentrate on the smallest detail. To feel like all I want is drugs to keep me down.

And boy am I down right now. this is some heavy stuff. my friendis trying t to make a playlist of country songs for me because I am ignorant when it comes to stuff like that. What can I say, she knows me well.

I have no idea how my parents are going to react. my doctor said I was really perfectly normal, or at least as normal as I can be.

I juist took one more seroquel. That brings my total to 2 seroquels, and I am going to sleep soundly tonigiht,

night