Answer to Mrsmont and Riverbluff
Hi, mrsmont and riverbluff. Your husbands may be the ones who have bipolar, but you are the ones who suffer from it. I have absolutely no sympathy for someone who puts their loved one through hell. The "bipolar excuse" doesn't cut it with me.
Moreover, riverbluff, where violence is concerned there are no excuses. Don't fall for his feeling sorry routine after the fact. You're only setting yourself up for more violence.
To both of you: You're the ones who need to decide whether this marriage is working for you or not. But please know that you should feel you are under no obligation to put up with any bad behaviors, whether they are illness-related or not. Lucky is the bipolar who finds a supportive loved one, but you don't have to be that loved one. You come first. Do not be afraid to act in your own best interest.
Third Question
Julie writes:
My husband of 15 yrs has been living with what we thought was depression but has now gone into the manic swings. I think he is bipolar but he is in such a rage and denial that he is not willing to go to a hospital to get correctly diagnosed and the proper meds. How do I get him to go when he is not able to see for himself that he needs help and there is no reasoning with him?
Answer to Julie
Hi, Julie. The fact that you mention you've been married 15 years strongly suggests your marriage has a firm solid footing and is worth preserving. What is happening now may equate to the "bad times" that loving partners are willing to work their way through. But, if your husband refuses to do something about seeking help, then it is time to slam your window of sympathy shut. See also the advice below ...
Fourth Question
George writes
My wife left home a month ago and is in a manic episode with all the usual ugly symptoms. I wasn't around for the first episode 25 yrs ago, but I hear it was bad, and lasted bout 8 months. I knew my wife was Bipolar when we married, but never understood until all hell broke loose. After much research I have a clear understanding of what's happening, just don't know what to do now. How long will this last, this time?? What can I do to get her treatment, she won't have anything to do with me. Is my marriage over??
Answer
Hi, George. A manic episode can test a marriage beyond its limits. You sound like you love your wife very much, and are desperate to help her. But, by definition, there is no reasoning with a person in a manic state, and legally forcing her into treatment is virtually impossible.
It is probably good news that she left home, because, believe me, if she had stayed you would have been the one who had to leave. Hopefully, she is staying in a safe place and will cycle down, at which point the two of you can talk and hammer things out. There is no predicting how long her episode will last. In her book, "What Goes Up," Judy Eron advises in dealing with a manic spouse:
