Each time I feebly attempted and each time I was on the "line" in doing so - at the very last minute - I cried out to God to help me. It's not that I want to literally die, I just want the pain that is very very real to cease.
God, as I understand him, does not approve of suicide and he didn't create us to take our own selves out. I do agree with the testing part though and my belief is that if you do not with all your heart respond in a faithful way that you'll just keep getting the test (maybe in different forms) over and over until you pass. There is no "fail".
I do also believe that God knows and sees our pain and knows and sees our illness. He certainly doesn't want us to suffer through it but he also wants to use it to either better ourselves or to make someone else's life brighter by going through it. I also believe that he weeps for us. We are made in his likeness after all.
Anyhow, all of this though does seem to go out the mind's window when the suffocating darkness and excruiating pain comes, sits, dwells, and swirls.
That is when the real test starts - do we choose life or do we choose death.
I also do not see suicide as a selfish cowardly act unless it is done in pure spite to get back at someone, this has happened. It takes a great deal of determination and thought to decide, act, and succeed in the act. It isn't a causal, on the fly, thought and act.
I have known of folks who have committed suicide, though no one intimately/family close. Each time I think of the enourmous pain they must have been in, realize that I've been in that pain and felt it as well, and I pray for their spirit and soul to find the light.
Suicide is a very tough one to reconcile with ,some say it takes courage some say it is cowardly the people left behind grapple with the undying notion of why?
It is something to that really religous platforms have had to grapple with and choose to ignore or embrace .I had a best friend kill himself back in the 80's when AIDES first hit the hotlines in our society he was gay and we think he may have gottten sick from his ex lover who ran off with another close friend.It still is not clear just awhile back my nephew killed himself he had tried 5 times before he was successfully gone. I hope I can fight such feelings if they ever surface I wanted to kill myself a couple of times but something in me was a ***** and would not let myself go there .You have to fight .....who has the right in any one's life to make you believe or feel less then God's child .God will help because he knows what it is like that's why he send Jesus so we could work out this ****....I believe he does receive people who kill themselves think about the pain and the emotional distress that someone feels taking themselves out.
I was at a Bible Study once and Suicide got brought up the most afraid was the priest .He got all antsy and wierd and scared and his eyeballs buldged out of his sockets like he could not bury someone like that ....but he did other stuff that I thought was bad. So let God be the judge and give the Father who created Heaven and earth a break of course he will love a person like that back to himself .Maybe they have to see that their time on planet earth was not so bad after all maybe that is part of their lesson ...maybe they have to miss us the way we miss them maybe just maybe they have to learn to love themselves all over again and help us like Angels when they come to their senses....
AMEN GOD IS LOVE
I can't express how very important it is to love your self. And yes it is Biblical. 2nd commandent says Love thy neighbor as thyself. You have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor. Group Therapy has helped me a great deal to know this.I was told that Group therapy would not help my Bi-Polar but it might help me! He's right; it has helped me a great deal. Why wouldn't it since extreme stress seems to trigger a cycle. Forgiving yourself is so very important.
Ankshus
Our God is an Awesome God: and that is what I believe and have been taught to believe.... even tho Im suffering from the loss of my son, my life is different, my heart broken, dealing with other things that has occured from this, but Bipolar is a sickness, a chemical embalance in the brain, and God is aware of this..He has nothing but compasion for our Bipolar victums..this is a part of life, that we dont understand and question... Cancer we dont understand why it effects our love ones hurt for and etc.. I dont think God is trying to punish us, but I also have to admit to having that same question sometimes, but down deep, I know that is not true... my son loved God and joined Daytona Beach Baptist Church during this time, and I feel that God said" I put you here for your family to enjoy, but you always belonged to me" and when he felt that life was not treating my son right, he said that was the time for him to come back home to him....... God will not put more on our shoulders that we can bear, and I try to believe this, but its sooo hard...God takes care of our mental illness victums, and he is not trying to punish us, but we dont want to let go of what God gave us to enjoy for a certain period of time... and that was my son.. He loves them and he knows what their loves ones are going thru, and if you and I will turn our eyes upon the Lord,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,again thats easy to say..... Im so sorry for all of you that has lost someone.. I wish I had a solution for all this but I dont..
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Thnaks for sharing about suicide. I have attempted suicide twice and almost succeeded. I absolutely disagree with those who say suicide is cowardly. It took an extreme amount of guts to attempt what I did. It's when living becomes so painful that you can no longer bear the mental anguish. It has brought me closer to God and the realizatioon that God is always present in my consciousness. The Bible affirms this over and over. In studying the Bible I have received a lot of comfort but the Bi-Polar is still with me. Meditation has helped me a lot in listening to God. Gods best wishes go with you.
"this too shall pass".
Hi, Ankshus. I absolute agree. In my book I make note of my suicidal depression and remark: "But at the last minute I chickened out. I chickened out. That's how I felt at the time .."
So glad I chickened out and so glad your attempts "failed."