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Bipolar Depression: When Nothing Works - What Now?

By Ask the Expert Patient, Health Guide Monday, February 04, 2008
Stewart writes:“I have been struggling with my bipolar II disorder for about 17 years. I am considered to have a refractory, treatment-resistant condition. I have been through about 25 medications singularly and in various ‘cocktail’ combinations, four rounds of ECT, long-term thera...
Spotting Mood Triggers
2/ 5/08 2:46pm
I am on both lamictal and topamax and yet depression is always just under the surface for me.  I live every week praying that I will just lay down at night and not wake up.  Very few people are aware of the way I feel.  I smile and make happy.  I have found that most people have little tolerance for depression and they certainly don't want to hear that I am "still" depressed.  I really feel for Stewart.  I have decided to try and just live with my disorder and hope that I don't become actively suicidal again.  I don't know what to do about this thing called depression that just never goes away.  I wish I did and I know that Stewart wishes he did.  Thanks for listening.......Pamela
Anonymous
MER
2/ 5/08 2:54pm
I am amazed at the strength of someone living with bipolar for 17 years. I was diagnosed in 2006 after being rapidly spun into mixed states due to an antidepressent. I had taken antidepressents for many years with no problem. I had three major episodes within five months. I was seeing and hearing things, lost a sense of time and space, was unable to read and write, talk and walk. I am crawling back from that and asking my counselor how can I live with mania and depression my entire life? I am told what to do, but I can't seem to exercise or sleep. I used to meditate with great success, but then obsessive thinking set in and took over my quiet. I am on this roller coaster, and I have always hated real roller coasters. My husband left because of the illness, and I am terrified of love and relationships because I never know who I will be when I wake up in the morning. I always worry about my family and friends. I am so tired of always checking my mental pulse and being so self absorbed. I try to do things for others when I am well. Really, I just want to either be better or sleep. I am a mother and would never kill myself, though I was definitely suicidal during the mixed states due to unbelievable emotional pain. I had no idea that this plateau of pain even existed on this planet Earth. I want to be normal. I was once for a few fleeting seconds and I was amazed that in that moment of clarity, I imagined what some people must feel every day. I know that's imagination, really. But I was grateful for even a few seconds of peace. It gave me hope. I am so used to depression, I am not sure any more how to describe how I have been when I go to the psychiatrist.
2/ 6/08 4:28pm
I wish you all the best.  This illness is so difficult.  Getting enough sleep is very important and for me, exercise helps.  My good thoughts and best wishes are with you!  Pamela
Anonymous
MER
2/ 6/08 5:26pm
Thank you, Pamela. I wish you the best as well.
Anonymous
outthere
3/16/08 8:22pm
Hi, I really think you should try trazadone 150-200 mg. at night it workd like a dream. you will sleep like a baby and no more racing thoughts. your life will be better.
2/25/08 6:32am

By nicotine, i mean the chewing gum version (e.g Nocotinel) and not smoking of course.

 

not too much though!

Anonymous
outthere
3/16/08 8:17pm

I read your post and think that you should try trazadone 150mg at night. at first you might be tired during the day for about a week but this will go away. this medicine will work if taken enough. you should stay away from ssri's...

they will not help you. you will feel like a dream on this.

3/21/08 11:36am

Steward,

 

 Just a note to say thanks for your post. I'm in the midst of a deeper depression than ususal, nothing seems to work for me either. For some time lately I denied I had bipolar2 cause nothing seems to work. I quit looking at sites such as these cause I have about given up. Years of this also for me; I'm 54 now. Now I don't hardly 'cycle', maybe a good day now and then. Summer helps though.

Said a prayer for ya....

By Ask the Expert Patient, Health Guide— Last Modified: 06/16/11, First Published: 02/04/08