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By bb4205 Friday, March 26, 2010

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My Job....
Current mood:

anxious
Category: Blogging

So you know that job I got after 1yr of not working...well I quit it. The worst part is that I was only there for 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS!!!! That is so pathetic. This was the first job I've gotten since learning that I am bipolar. Before I was a very good worker. Every boss I've ever had loved me. I was faster and more reliable than others. My co-workers would tell me to slow down, I was making them look bad. Well,at this job I felt like a total loser. I cant believe how slow I am. And I kept forgetting things that I was supposed to do. I'm not the same person that I used to be. How can this happen? To make matters worse..that last week my hands hurt so bad. That last day I could barely hold the mop. I couldnt smile. I was tired and feeling so low. I quit at lunch, didnt even make it to the end of the day. Luckily my husband didnt get mad. He said its better that I dont get so stressed out that I put myself in the hospital again.

Okay so its been 2 weeks since I quit my job. Today I had an appt. with my psch doc. (it was scheduled months ago so is just coincidence). I told her what happened and how I've been feeling lately. I also told her about probs I been having with my Hubby for last couple months (me not into intercourse). Okay so I been on seroquel xr 300mg, lamictal 200mg twice daily, an my thyroid med. She thinks I been too low. She's adding wellbutrin. At 1sr I had a few concerns. I wasnt sure if adding an anti-depressant was a good idea. Reason 1:Sometime last year I was put on paxil by another doc. The doc that I have now told me that the paxil led me to be manic which led to the suicide attempt. Thats why I chose her to be my doc, because she seemed to know what she was talking about. Reason 2: A couple years ago I was put on wellbutrin by a different psych doc. At the time they thought I was suffering from depression only. So wellbutrin is the 1st med I was ever put on. I cant remember how much. A few months later I overdosed on the wellbutrin and almost died because of all the seizures.

So for these reasons I was a bit anxious about going on wellbutrin again. I cant remember exactly how she explained it but she basically said that I'm to use the bipolar meds that I'm already on and the anti-depressent to balance my moods. She also said that the wellbutrin should help with my weight and sexual libido. So we shall see.

Shallow Thoughts

Comments (5) | Add comment

Chris

3/26/10 9:21pm

I had bad luck when an antidepressant (lexapro & something else) was added. I'm on Lithium & Geodone currently.

I've kind of been in a funk (low energy, low motivation) last several months. The pdoc gave me 3 options. One of them was to bump up my Lithium.

Med switches are a drag. Did you tell the pdoc you've had bad experience with wellbutrin?

I hope things work out for you. You know if you're balanced. Keep the pressure on the pdoc until you get balanced. Assuming you have an appetite for med switches.

bb4205

3/28/10 1:15pm

Thanks for your comment, Chris. I did tell my doc about what happened when I was on wellbutrin before. I also reminded her about what happened when I was on paxil. But I would never have had the seizures if I hadnt overdosed on the wellbutin. And then she explained the whole balancing thing. I've only known that I was bipolar for almost 2 yrs an I been on a lot of meds since then. So I am always just confused and never know whats going to happen. But my husband will help me. I'm starting to recognize all the warning signs so I think I'll be able to handle myself better now. Oops, sorry for rambling. Thanks for your comment.

Lori

3/27/10 12:06am

I feel for you. I am in the process of reevaluating my SSI. I have had three different new medicines added in the last three months. None of them I could take because I had bad reactions to them, the lastest being lithium. I don't even know what intimacy is, nor do I care. My husband is up to his old tricks. My family wants me to spend more time with them. I am still here!

Don't let this get you down. If you have to sign up for social security disability, then so be it. I felt ashamed of myself when I first did get it. I could only think, I am really crazy. I have learned that I can't work. I can't leave the house sometimes, let alone work. You are not lazy or useless if you can't go work in public. Do what you have need to do to get better and then figure out the work thing. Your husband seems understanding, so get your health under control.

I hate the medicine changes also. I was on the same medicine for a very long time. They just quit working and now I am dealing with this. I will get through this and you will to. One thing I have come to know with this illness (or whatever term you choose to call it) is that we have to be strong people to deal with this on a daily basis. A doctor once told me that bi polar people are very smart people.

Keep your chin up and things will work out for you! I believe that. I am still here and so are you. We have a purpose in this life.

Take care of yourself, Lori

bb4205

3/28/10 1:55pm

Thanks so much for your comment. I really hate switching meds all the time. I tell my husband that since I learned I was bipolar its like being on a rollar-coaster that never stops. I'm glad to have people like you who offer encoragement, advice, and support. Thanks!!!

Rene

3/27/10 5:55am

I love wellbutrin xl although it causes sleeping issues like insomnia so I stop taking it every now and then. Wellbutrin is the only med that has helped me with depression but unfortunately it doesn't treat anxiety and gives u the jitters at times. For that I take Lamictal aswell. Start on a low dose of lamictal at first and the anxiety eventually creeps away...calms the nerves.

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