After all this time of doing good my bad thoughts seem to be returning. I'm not depressed or suicidal but the shopping urges are back and I keep getting strong urges to harm myself. I'm not a cutter but I have cut myself once before. It was the day before my last suicide attempt. I wasn't trying to kill myself by cutting and I didn't do it to feel the pain. I just felt like it. I was manic. I didn't cut very deep but it did leave a scar which I like because it serves as a reminder as to what could happen if Im not careful. I have been taking my meds but I admit that I've missed doses. I haven't taken my second wellbutrin in like two weeks. I've been sleeping alot lately so its usually too late for my second wellbutrin. I'm not sure why I want to cut myself. But I have learned from my past. I told my husband about my shopping urges and gave him my debit card to hold on to for awhile. I also told him about my urges to harm myself. All my meds are still in my husbands safe so no worries there. I took a second seroquel tonite like my psychiatrist reccomended. So this is weird but I think I took all the right steps. I don't feel like I'm manic but all the signs are there so I must be. That's it for now.
If you don't stay with your meds as your doctor prescribes them, then this is what can happen. I keep a calender and write down when I take them so I don't forget. It works for me. Same as you I was diagnosed almost 3 yrs ago. That's why they give them to us to keep us stable as possible. You know what happens when you don't take them and that's good. So try and stay consistant. We have bipolar, it's does not define who we are as a person, right. Take care.