Well I just got out of the hospital yesterday after a week. I guess I shouldnt be surprised. Cutting myself shouldve been a major sign that I was going in a very bad direction. I have never cut myself before and could never quite understand why anyone would want to do that to themself.  But then one day I decided to do it just to see if I could. Stupid, I kno. I wasnt even depressed..just a passing whim. Well  the very next day another passing whim occured. My prescribed meds are locked up in my husbands safe. So instead I took everything in our medicine cabinet: cold meds, tylenol, aspirin, sleeping pills..eveything. It didnt take long for me to feel very sleepy. I layed down on the living room floor with my fave blanket and fell asleep. When my husband got home he tried to wake me. I got very scared and tried to get away from him. He asked me what I took but I couldnt answer him. He went to the trash and found all the packets. He said thats it were going to the hospital. I could barely walk..soo dizzy. When we got to the hospital he put me in a wheel chair. I could barely move. I could see and hear everything that was going on around me but I couldnt respond or move. They took me straight to the er. eventually I stopped being able to understand why they were giving me shots and forcing me to wear oxygen, etc. I started fighting the nurses as much as my body would allow. I kept taking off the oxygen and other items. Later I started throwing up but they wouldnt give me water. I was like this all night. I was very tired but wouldnt allow myself to go to sleep. I was afraid if I fell asleep I wouldnt wake up. Eventually they took me up to ICU. By the next day I was feeling more myself. I was in ICU for 2 days then moved to the behavior unit. Was there 3 days. I had same doc as last time. They said that they think the paxil shoved me into mania. I was upset at my psych doc. Wont see her again. 2nd time I'm in hospital cuz of meds she put me on. The hospital doc- docter o is going to br my doc now. He seems very knowledgeable. He is up to date on all the studies in his field. He upped my lamictal and my synthroid. He said normal thyroid level is around 4. I am at 16. May be why I gained so much weight so rapidly. He said he thinks I need to go to a special docter that specializes in this.
This is my 4th suicide attempt. Only a little over 2 months since my last one. I'm very worried. When will this stop??